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I am having a personal crisis that is making it difficult for me to focus and be effective. My productivity is down a bit, and I am not performing up to my managers expectations.
Should I talk to my manager and explain the situation? If yes, how deep should I explain it? Should I specifically describe the situation, or just disclose that I have a personal issue? In general, how should I approach this problem?
So I have a slightly different perspective as a software development manager. I have regular one-on-one's with my employees, and I try to make it clear to them that part of that time is to talk about anything they want to. If their personal life is affecting or potentially affecting their performance, I want to know. If needed, I'll suggest resources such as the Employee Assistance Program, getting them flexibility in PTO, etc. to help them as appropriate.
On the other hand if I notice a performance issue, it my responsibility to give the employee feedback and address the issue. Ultimately if they're not able to get to an acceptable level of performance, I need to fire them.
I balance the two of these with the understanding that there needs to be an expectation of performance being at a certain level, but sometimes people go through rough stuff in their personal lives and just need the company to be there to help support them for a period of time. The pain of life doesn't always respect the perceived level of the trauma, but there is a pretty clear pecking order to the amount of leeway that different events typically get. I'm sorry, but breaking up with a girlfriend/boyfriend is not terribly high on that list. Things like terminal illness or death of immediate family member, some legal issues, new child or adoption, divorce, etc. all fall above it.
You'll get more or less time depending on how strong of a contributor you were before the event and how much the performance has degraded. As a boss of a typical performer who was virtually useless now, I'd probably set the expectation that in a couple weeks you need to be performing reasonably well again, and if a month or more goes by without that happening I'd be thinking about a performance improvement plan with termination in a couple months of no improvement. This is all very subjective, which is why I gave my reasoning above.
Edit: To be clear, we've all had managers who are jerks. I think I'm pretty responsive to my employees, but you may not have a manager who is. Be sure to apply your judgement about their disposition and your relationship. If I had a boss who was overtly trying to throw me under the bus, I might not share anything with them or might share with HR or some other more open party to try to get protection.
If you feel your work performance is being affected or has the strong potential to be affected by a personal issue, tell your manager. Give him enough detail that he knows in general what is going on and about how it may affect you and for how long(A bad breakup is likely going to affect you for a shorter time than a child dying for instance).
It is generally better to bring up the issue before he notices that your performance is off. Once a manager brings up bad performance it sounds more like an excuse. Once you have a reputation of being a bad performer, people tend to cut you less slack.
This could also be a good time to take some time off to get yourself back together. I would rather have an employee take some sick days and come back ready to work than have him mope around and not get anything done.
You can certainly tell him that your personal life has gotten messy right now (or whatever description you'd prefer; I tend to understate) and that this is distracting you from work; you're aware of it and hope to have things straightened out soon, but meanwhile you'd appreciate it if he could allow for that.
How much more you tell him depends on how close a friend you consider him, how interested you think he'd be, how he reacts to that much... personally I wouldn't risk coming across as dumping a sob story on him unless you know him very well or he actively invites you to do so.
Quick reminder: Many companies offer mental health benefits. If you can't pull yourself out of this fairly quickly, there's no shame in using them. Talk therapy can be useful when you need help finding coping skills. I'm not sure I believe in chemical assistance for situational depression unless it's extremely severe or persists for an unusually long time.
Generally speaking, I would not tell the boss the specifics of the issue, unless you are requesting leave or accommodation under some legal framework like the US ADA or the US FMLA and the specifics are required. No good can come of it otherwise.
What you really need to do is FIX THE PROBLEM. Figure out what you need to do to get your performance back to standard, and do it. Perhaps it is counseling, or time off, or a rebound fling, or talking to clergy, or moving to a new place, or something else. Perhaps you need to work some extra hours or a few weekends to catch up. Whatever it is .. you need to focus on getting your performance back to standard. That needs to be your highest priority.
If your performance reduction is visible/obvious or will be shortly, then I would bring the performance issue up with the boss proactively. Very generally, say that a personal challenge resulted in reduced productivity and that you are taking steps to fix it and catch up. If he asks what the challenge is, note that you would rather not say and doesn't really matter. If he asks what is being done, tell him as much as you can without revealing the specifics of the problem.
Two notes:
Well, tell your manager that you just got out of a 4-year relationship and if at times, you seem distracted, that's the reason. Don't volunteer anything else. Then bury yourself in work if the alternative is replaying the end of the relationship in your mind.
