I have some confusion regarding my workspace function. This month our organization have a big annual function and I was selected by my team leader to help out for that day. The problem is that 2 days before our function my best friends have a marriage and he has invited me. I need to go some days beforehand and I have to journey 1000km.

But as the point of view of my office party I want to become the point of attraction towards my all seniors (I am fresher) in the arrangement of function so I don't want to miss the participation and shows some my extra skills in arrangement. But to go for leave before the party and not participation in the making all the things like planning, arrangement of that day function, does this give fine impression on my seniors?

Should I go for leave or not?

  • 1
    No one here can make your priorities for you - this is entirely something you need to decide for yourself. What is more important for you (short and long term) - your friend or the company you are currently working for?
    – Oded
    Commented Sep 3, 2012 at 8:56
  • i am currently working as junior php developer. Commented Sep 3, 2012 at 9:00
  • 3
    What's that got to do with it? You have a personal decision to make and no one here can make it for you.
    – Oded
    Commented Sep 3, 2012 at 9:03
  • 1
    no oded i just want to know by the professional point of view is this give bad impression? Commented Sep 3, 2012 at 9:07

2 Answers 2


There are three options here as far as I can see.

Miss your friend's wedding

Only you know how close a friend this is, and what difference this will make to your relationship long term.

Miss the work function

Your reason for doing so seems entirely reasonable to me, but I don't know your employers or your work environment. How do you think they'd react? Personally, if someone in my team had this reason for missing a work function, I'd think no less of them for it. My own feeling FWIW is that anywhere that would object to this is probably not somewhere I want to continue working...

Juggle things so you get back for the work function, but miss much of the preparation

I don't know the practicalities of this. You could offer to do what you can in the period you would be at work, but say that for the last few days you will be at a good friend's wedding. It all depends on the timings. There will be some repercussions of this at work, no doubt, but you'll be there at the event, and you'll have contributed to it as far as you can without upsetting your good friend.

Overall, as Oded says in his comments, this is going to be a personal decision for you. But to help you make it, try to put yourself into the shoes of your manager and your friend, and work out in each of these three scenarios how the message you are delivering is going to be received.

  • Based on the distance involved and the fact it is in a few weeks may mean that some money has already been committed to attending the wedding. This frequently has to be part of the equation. Commented Sep 3, 2012 at 11:49

You have to act quickly and talk to your task leader. A wedding is the type of a personal event that can trump the work situation. As soon as you realized the potential conflict, you should have mentioned this to your task leader. You could have then discussed this with them before the word spread that you will be a part of the team working on this event.

Due to the timing of the wedding you may not be able to even attend the event.

You also need to be understand if the majority of your tasks related to this event will be focused on the day of the event. Due to the fact that you are very new you probably will not have much of a role in planning the event. Because this is an annual event the planning started the day after the last event.

Because the event is unrelated to your actual job as a PHP developer, it is unlikely that your job performance will be impacted by your inability to participate. It isn't like you are the head of the IOC, and the event is the Olympics.

While the decision to attend is personal, I believe that you are over-estimating the events potential impact on your career. This quandary you are facing is not unusual. There are many clashes between personal events. In many case the importance of one trumps the other, in some cases it is ruled by timing. In this case the wedding probably wins on both counts.

Address this issue the next time you see your task leader, and have the discussion in person not by email. Just knock on their door and say "Do you have a minute? We need to discuss this new task..."


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