How do I navigate around a difficult coworker?

Question

A coworker and I started within a week of each other. We both interviewed for the same position and he is at a different level since he is a fresh graduate. We never had a good working chemistry and I did not report his faux pas to my manager in the past. Fortunately, we no longer work on the same projects.

Recently, things got worse. He was supposed to get some packages via mail. I also got some packages the same week(both are work related). The office personnel told him that I might have them since I signed for some packages this week. I told him that the received packages were mine (my packages were from a place that does not sell the stuff he wants). He wanted to open packages worth thousands of dollars as if I was lying. I sent an email copying the manager, office personnel and this coworker. The office personnel apologized after realizing that this coworker's package never arrived.

As silly as my previous case sounds, this person has been passing unwarranted criticisms at my work. I brought this up to my manager and he told me that:

He is a very young person, just out of college and he probably does not mean the things he utters.

I decided to ignore this coworker but he did not stop there. I don't know how we landed up talking about my personal life but he recently passed a remark about my personal life. He said:

If you don't get married in a year or two, you will end up with divorcees or women with children. I am just saying...

a) I consider it is an insult to all women and b) he has no respect for me.

These aren't just 2 incidents. He has made remarks about my weight, eating habits, my work, religion and where I come from. I am appalled by his remarks.

I was concerned that these remarks could have been provoked by me and I asked people close to me whether I am insensitive during my interaction with other people. They told me that they never had any problems with me.

This coworker is insensitive while talking to everyone else in the organization. I have seen him utter stupid things and get snubbed, pass remarks about his own religious practices to others etc.

I have decided to completely ignore this person as I have found myself worked up about this person(It is affecting my personal life. I have caught myself venting my anger on the car while I am driving on the freeway). The problem is that he sits right next to me. I really don't want to greet him or have any form of conversation with this person. I walk in wearing my headphones and pretend that I am listening to loud music.

I don't want to bring this up to my manager as this coworker turns out to be manager's favorite (My manager can't stop singing praises about how much work he does than the rest of us). I don't want to sound like a whiner either. I really don't want to discuss this with my coworker. I firmly believe that it is not my job to teach workplace "no-no" to this person.

If I do ignore and stop talking to this person, I would have to work with this person in the future. I strongly feel that I should stop interacting with this person as I should focus my energy on my work/life. I have been contemplating if I should switch jobs and move on. This job is not working out in several aspects but it is still better than my previous job.

How do I navigate this situation?

Answer 1

Let me start by saying that I understand if you are offended by things he has said to you but there seems to be something bigger here. It seems that he has little need to interact with you and also is as unpleasant with everyone.

So I'm at a bit of a loss why YOU are getting so worked up about him, if this is a general issue aren't there others who you could rally to management about him? Or is it that he seems to be getting recognition from management (you do take great pains to point out he is straight out of college and started the same week, but the manager can't sing his praises highly enough).

You've talked to management and I would normally advocate ignoring him and his unprofessionalism (unless he makes specific comments to you of course), you seem to be listening to conversations that are nothing to do with you, and it's going to drive you to a point where it starts to colour working relationships which could be detrimental to YOUR career.

The alternative is to channel Sun Tzu (and Michael Corleone):

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer

Make your peace with him, it'll take the pressure off you and maybe give you the chance to learn something you can actually use to get rid of him (or promoted off somewhere he can't upset you), got to be better than letting it fester.

Answer 2

So, I have a disagreement with @TheWanderingDevManager's solution.

When you find yourself venting in the car on the way to work about someone, you've probably taken a figurative wrong turn.

This isn't healthy, and you're not going to work to maintain a veneer of professionalism, nor really for the money - you are actually going to work to afford a life that you would like to live.

When you find that the means to living that life inherently conflict with the ideal of the life you would live, you are in literal trouble.

There are only two solutions to this issue - the idea of "keeping your enemies close" is wrongheaded. You have to realise that that is a two-way street, if you keep him close he's also arguably keeping you close. The loser in this kind of politicking is 99% of the time the person who has the most to lose. Which is you. College grads have nothing to lose.

So the solutions

1. elevate to the manager. Express in terms of how it is affecting you and your happiness. If you have any email correspondence from him that illustrates the point, use that. Phrase it like this "Hey Bob, I just got this email from Chav, I don't quite know how to deal with this. I understand that Chav is new, but his attitude is affecting my work. Could you help me out?"

2. start looking for new work. Remember point 1. should this ever happen again.

Update I have had three experiences with this nonsense.

The first... the first, i did not handle well. I worked on, finished the project, then left.

The second, I raised to my manager. As it happens, this particular manager had also gone through a rough patch with a nuisance coworker, so was v. understanding, and had coincidentally received a separate complaint the week prior. He pulled the problematic coworker aside and had a word in their ear. No problems after that.

The third, well, was chronologically in-between, but was where I was the nuisance. I was pulled aside, told to calm down (I was a young, annoying "hot-shot" developer) and be respectful. I did, and was respectful. Most anyone will be if they're told to by a superior, but some superiors just lack experience.

As much fun as it is to imagine mangling someone's neck, there is a fairly high chance that Chav just doesn't realise how upsetting he is being - hell, I didn't. When it was expressed to me - and thank god this manager was understanding, it was explained twice to me, that is how stupid i can be - and finally sunk in, I grew up and took responsibility for my actions.