How to turn down gift from the boss after going through hard times?

Question

A few months ago, the company I was working with, was on a shaky ground with our client. The client was unhappy with our performance, and decided to give our company a chance to make things amend. Since the client was very important, we went all out, even working on some weekends.

Today, the boss informed me and the team that we have received good news from our client. As a celebration, we will be going out to watch a sports game live on this weekend (Sunday). Here lies a few problems:

• While the ticket was sponsored, the transportation was not. It is located in a rather remote place, and driving or taking the public transport to the event is a hassle.
  • By "hassle", I mean an approximate 2 hour drive. Alternatively, with public transport, it will probably take 3-4 hours, and might rack up close to a hundred dollars. The return trip is bound to be jammed as well, which might add a few more hours.
• The team consists of me, my senior and the boss. Both me and my senior are not interested in the sports game.
• I cannot be sure at the moment, but our boss could have purchased the tickets already.

I understand my boss's good intention, but for reasons mentioned above, I cannot help but to turn it down.

So, the question, how to turn down boss's gift for celebration after going through hard times?

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In reference to another question titled How do I politely decline contributing to boss's Christmas present?, the question was about turning down a contribution for the boss. This question is about turning down a gift from the boss.

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Update: Thank you everyone for your opinion. Firstly, I apologize if I offend anyone with what I have to say. I asked "how to turn down the boss's gift", not "should I take the boss's gift". Judging from this perspective, I believe @bethlakshmi's answer fits what I need. Nevertheless, I did not ignore other responses. Some of your comments are valid responses, which did influence how I handled the situation.

I fired an email to my boss, clarifying if he had bought the tickets. I also explained about the issue on the travel time, suggesting that we carpool if possible. Lastly, I suggested an alternative event which is more accessible for everyone. He has yet to reply at the moment.

However, if I am to go, I will try my best to enjoy myself throughout the day. It might not be my favorite sport, but it is not my most hated sport either.

For others who stumble upon the same problem, I hope you go through the discussions and comments in the answers. My course of action might not be the best for you, and as mentioned, these comments are valid and do make a point.

Answer 1

Unless you have a very formal and remote relationship with your boss, it should be OK to point out the problems. I've seen whole company holiday parties get rescheduled in large companies when enough people complained or declined due to location problems.

The ideal way to deal with this is quickly, politely and with possible alternative solutions in mind. Some ideas:

• Check in with the coworker as quickly as possible to figure out that you both are not interested.
• On the same day or next day say "this really can't work for my family... here's why (drive is too long/expensive), I'm going to have to decline and (other guy) may have serious issues too."
• Never volunteer for someone else - let the other person make their own apologies, but it's OK to say that you think the problem may be widespread (2/3 of the team)
• Offer another option - "A get-together sounds great, what if we ... " -
  • If possible, gear it towards your interests but with a safe shareable venue. For example, most people may enjoy a common music venue, a movie, a sports game, a nice dinner out
  • Many times office mates have trouble agreeing over anything related to sexuality, politics, or particularly niche interests that only a small minority like. At least in Boston, I've also noticed that spicy food and sushi are similarly hard to congregate around.
  • If you feel short of ideas, at least give the parameters that would be better for you "if it wasn't a Sunday night, when I have to be up for work on Monday - Friday would be so much better!", or "if it wasn't so far on the South side of the city - I live far North, and this is a real problem for traffic".
• It's reasonable to assume that it's OK to politely withdraw within the first 2-3 days of the announcement - most people have to check with their families, arrange childcare, cancel other commitments or figure out logistics.
• If you've had more than a week's notice, canceling the week of makes you look like you couldn't plan well - you have to figure that for a desirable ticket, the purchase was made more than a week in advance.
• Ask for what you really want - if you would have been happy with an offer to comp transportation, ask for that. However, if you're asking for $20 or less in a job that pays $50K US or more, you will look rather cheap - it's not unusual in some locations for employees to be expected to cover transportation and even parking, but the usual expectation is that the fun stuff will be close enough to the office that this fits in with the standard expectations of a normal daily commute.

Keep in mind that the boss is looking to build morale by getting everyone together to do something fun and not stressful - he really would have been better off checking in with you on what would be fun, but his intentions were to bring people together for something cool. Going off by yourself probably won't give the outcome he's looking for.. although saying "can we do this in a few weeks, after I've had some rest?" is also fair.

Answer 2

I don't think you should turn it down. Even though it's misguided, it's a gesture from your boss to say "Thank you". It may be that he has purchased the tickets personally, rather than as a work-sponsored event, and his choice may have been based on his ability to pay.

So it seems the issues at hand are to do with travel and interest (you're not missing something else or putting someone off to attend). So why don't you discuss with the senior and the boss ways to minimise the travel cost (car-pool, shared transport etc)? Interest-wise, try and get the boss to set the scene of the event. It's a good way to bond with the boss, and you may find yourself enjoying the event after all. (I hate sports myself, so I can sympathise, but I'd still go).

Take it in the spirit it was intended, and make the most of it. Doing so will help you more in the long term than dropping out.

Answer 3

Tell him that you have other things planned and that you just can't make it. Have your colleague say the same thing. Me being me, I'll add that I'd rather celebrate by paying off my sleep debt. Nothing like being able to sleep soundly after the job is done.

If the tickets have already been bought, your boss can reassign them to his personal friends or donate the tickets to a charity for a raffle. If the tickets have been bought and those tickets have your name on them, make sure you and your colleague tell your boss that it's uncool.

@Godzillarissa comments: "I am really glad there's an anwer to this question that isn't "Suck It Up", basically. You'd expect after weeks (and weekends) of working overtime there's a time where you wouldn't have to go out of your way (in your spare time) to make your boss happy."

My response: "Look at it this way: the boss owes the OP and the OP's colleague for working all this unpaid overtime and saving his managerial butt. They shouldn't be made to accept the thanks that the boss gives in whatever form the boss feels like giving - the boss should have had at least enough consideration to ask both the OP and the OP's colleague what they wanted, and given them some kind of a choice. The boss's behavior is exactly why so many of us Christmas gifts recipients crowd the "Returns" section of Macy's just after the Christmas holidays :)"

I personally prefer American Express gift cards as a token of gratitude. I can spend the money any way I want. My former boss gave me five AE $100 gift cards as prizes for winning five times in a weekly timesheet filling contest he was running for twelve weeks. My needs are absolutely minimal, so I had no use for these cards - I gave three to the intern who said he could use them to supplement his income and I gave the remaining two to my adoptive sister in Vancouver when she expressed a desire to have them.

Answer 4

This depends a lot on the personality of the boss. But if only 2 of you (besides the boss) were invited, you can't just quietly slip out with no one noticing. Unless there is a real problem, I would just go along to avoid offending the boss. He's trying to do something nice, and he might be offended if you turn him down.

Furthermore, a small group event like this can help turn you into one of the boss's trusted resources, instead of just another employee. It could really help to further your career.

How much of a "hassle" is the transportation? If you mean it's a 45-minute drive or would cost you a couple of dollars you'd rather not spend, then I'd just eat it. If he's expecting you to pay hundreds of dollars for a plane ticket, that's a different story.

Hey, I don't like to go to company parties or events of almost any sort either. Most of the time I'd rather stay home and play a video game or read a book. But I've gone to lots of company events that I found totally boring just to keep the boss happy or to be friendly to co-workers. I've gone to events at church or gone along with a girlfriend, etc, for the same reason -- it's not something that I want to do particularly, but it's something that the people around me want me to do with them. That's just how real life is. Sometimes you have to go to social events that bore you just to keep up the social face and keep the people around you happy.

Answer 5

This is a good challenge for you because it is giving you a chance to assert boundaries.

If you don't want to go, thank the boss for the kind gesture and tell him that it is nice to be appreciated, but then tell him that you have other plans and cannot go. Do not justify, elaborate or explain, even when asked. And go solo, not with your co-worker. The boss has to understand a boundary, which is that the time outside work is yours, your money is yours. You may lose schmoozing opportunities because of this, but you'll never be tacitly expected to use your personal time for work-related schmoozing.

However, this may be a good time to build rapport with your boss which could pay off in better projects or promotions over the next few years. It may well be worth the personal costs (your time, money, and less time with your family) this time. You have to decide what is more important for you, your personal time or the benefits of schmoozing. It's your choice and your life.

Answer 6

Just decline the offer.

This is a non-work-related off-hours event that your boss has invited you to. You aren't obligated to go just because your boss bought tickets. Politely decline, and maybe offer an apology for not letting him know sooner.

If you want to be especially nice, offer to compensate for the cost of the seats, since sporting tickets can be expensive. And if you're worried that it will be taken poorly, approach your boss with your co-worker so that he doesn't see it as a personal affront by you.

You might also consider attending the event, as others have suggested, to spend some time building rapport with your boss and co-worker. You could follow it up by offering to pick the next social event, or if you really dislike it after giving it a try, simply decline the offer immediately next time, and simply explain that it's not the sort of thing you like.

Being a co-worker or boss doesn't mean you can't enjoy social time together with a person, but it doesn't mean you have to spend your personal time with them either. Though it's polite if you're going to decline to let them know sooner rather than later.