I've been disrespected since coming back from maternity leave.
I am trying to get the behavior to stop and I want to feel comfortable at work even talking to them in general without massive details about my private life being discussed. They harass me about my husband being a stay-home dad. They harass me about when to have another child. They gossip about this and then come and talk to me about it.
On my first day back they were very nervous around me and stared at my abdominal section a lot. I felt uncomfortable. Someone even made a comment about my body parts being bigger. Very creepy. Also, they were wondering how I was able to stand and walk so easily but I had taken 3 months off!
They made snide remarks about how not too many new mothers can handle it without any evidence.
I never really had a good relationship with several of my coworkers. They were very rude to me and mean to me when I first started - I was just out of university and didn't have much experience and it irritated them. I tried my best but they were still mean to me. So I don't like them. I didn't tell them I got married or had a baby because I don't like them. Some also assumed I was an artist because of my gender rather than a dev - very sexist.
I have told management that I have childcare completely covered and I have met every deadline.
I have tried to be as closed off to their questions as possible like being as distant as aloof as I can and giving minimal responses. I have also told HR about everything but it hasn't controlled the issue. HR sat me down with one individual and he apologized to me but that's all that happened.
I don't do much in the moment because I am not prepared to deal with this. I'm a computer programmer - I have periods of intense concentration and it's hard to shake off just to talk to someone and I don't realize they were being rude until after the fact.
Why would they be so flustered by me having a child? Why would they be so irritated and nosy? They are fully welcome to have their own children.
I enjoy my work and I don't want to quit but it's a really bad time for me to look for a job because I have only been back for 6 months.
I do not feel another trip to HR is the right solution here. Do I seriously need to sit them all down and tell them all what they have done?
I have drafted the following letter:
RE: Workplace Interpersonal Issues
Since returning from maternity leave I have been subjected to:
- inappropriate comments
- rude and arrogant assumptions
I’ve already brought my concerns up with management but a recent event has prompted me to write this message.
I really have had enough of this behavior. It’s been going on since I have returned to work in October. I suppose this message will just create even more gossip for the 'gang of 3' though.
Please be respectful and professional.
Does this sound too angry? Should I be sending a letter at all? What other options do I have to get them to respect me?
Oh and now there are 2 men whose wives are having kids and no one is harassing them - they are being praised.