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So recently, I was sitting with a couple co-workers and my boss and one of my co-workers made a remark to my boss about being excited for a party (a brewery tour) that my boss had invited him too. My boss got very quiet and responded to co-worker A about the tour, then very sheepishly said to co-worker B and myself something along the lines of:

I'm not sure if you guys want to come, but uhh...I guess you guys can come...we're getting a brewery tour together.

My boss knows I like craft beer as discussed it before while getting after work drinks one time right after I started as a "Welcome to the team" sort of thing. Since then, I haven't done anything with any of my co-workers. Originally, I assumed it was because everyone had their own lives (most are married with kids and I'm 25 and living alone), but now, I think it's more that I'm being excluded from events and social get togethers.

I didn't say anything and neither did co-worker A or B. I want to be included in the comradery so I can feel like I have something more than a "boss/worker relationship" or "co-worker/co-worker relationship", but I don't want to be there if it's a "pity invite".

Question

How do I approach my boss and other co-workers to let them know that I am interested in socializing with the team outside of work?

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    Start inviting them, rather than waiting for them to invite you.
    – keshlam
    Jun 11, 2015 at 16:03
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    Were you asking about going out the night you asked or trying to get together in a few days? With families, scheduling often has to be done weeks in advance and/or canceled if a kid or parent gets sick.
    – mkennedy
    Jun 11, 2015 at 16:42
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    I've tried both methods there as well. Both ahead of time and day of, but no such luck. I guess I will try inviting them some more and see if things change
    – BDD
    Jun 11, 2015 at 16:50
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    A way to handle that (semi) invite is sorry I am not available on that day but if you do something like that in the future please let me know. And I hope you learned your lesson that if he does invite you don't bring it up in front of other co-workers unless you know they have been invited.
    – paparazzo
    Jun 11, 2015 at 17:23
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    Just because your boss and co-worker A happen to be friends outside work it doesn't follow that all co-workers should attend anything they do together.
    – TheMathemagician
    Jun 12, 2015 at 10:29

2 Answers 2

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It seems like you're trying to put yourself out there to be friends with your coworkers but, at the end of the day (literally), they're just coworkers. If people don't reciprocate your desire to be outside-of-work friends then continuing to invite them could lead them to see you as the annoying guy which could make professional interaction more awkward.

Telling your boss that you don't feel like part of the team outside of work is completely outside of anything they can or, more importantly, should do anything about.

Your best bet is to see if you can tag along with people for lunch when your coworkers go to lunch. This gives a sort of hybrid environment between the workplace and outright social lives to help get them comfortable with the idea of a new friend.

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Assuming your relationship with both your boss and colleagues is good, you could go to your boss and suggest to do something together with the team.

"Hey Boss, since it's now almost summer, maybe it would be fun to go bbq'ing sometime with the team? What do you think?"

This way you're taking initiative and, as it's just a suggestion, you keep it very open. He can go either way with this, and besides that, your colleagues are invited as well so you're not excluding anyone.

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