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My Question

When I gave my two weeks' notice, I gave my manager secondary, much smaller reasons, for resigning. I didn't want to bring up the Lead in order to avoid an awkward final two weeks. However, I think it's unfair to both myself and my manager/company to leave letting them think it was for such trivial reasons. I quite liked my manager and team.

I am considering sending an email on my final day/hour explaining the primary cause for my departure, with explicit examples of things he's done.

Should I do this, or should I leave with things as they are and avoid the risk of damage to myself? I'm afraid my manager would think badly of me for not bringing this up earlier and sending it in a negative "farewell note."

Background

I joined the company less than a year ago, and have finally resigned after putting up with my Team Lead and his constant veiled hostility. I can stand politics, but not to the extremes of where it starts to affect things like my physical health or I'm shut out of work to do.

He gave me virtually no feedback as to what I've done to deserve this treatment, and I honestly feel like he did all this to drive me out (into resigning). I'd have liked to stay at the company longer by switching teams, but "politics" like this is apparently rife throughout the local branch.

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  • @JoeStrazzere I already had the exit interview when I tendered my resignation. I think this is different, considering I am leaving a negative "farewell note"
    – Sultan
    Jun 16, 2015 at 17:21
  • What are you going to do if you find yourself in a similar situation? It doesn't seem like you're going to be in any better position to confront someone's "veiled hostility" except to find another job.
    – user8365
    Jun 16, 2015 at 18:11
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    I think that you should leave the work a better place for those who are still in it. If it bothers your some of his action, maybe it can bother others that don't feel like complaning to your boss. I would definitely tell about my real motives, as i did before i left my last company. Which in some ways ended up being better for the people who stayed there.
    – gmemario
    Jun 16, 2015 at 19:15
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    see Should I tell my boss I'm leaving because of them? and How much should I say in an exit interview?
    – gnat
    Jun 16, 2015 at 21:07
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    You should have a face to face discussion with your boss about it. You might not be the only one having this issue but the others never dared to talk about it. Don't do it by writing or email. And yes you're right, it's also unfair to your boss if you don't mention this. Give clear examples, show your good faith, you might be surprised. Maybe you'll be offered another position in another department. And if you can, don't talk to a manager, talk to the one who's paying you. The managers benefit more from keeping their little clan or fan club than helping the business get more profits.
    – go-junta
    Jun 17, 2015 at 2:15

3 Answers 3

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I am considering sending an email on my final day/hour explaining the primary cause for my departure, with explicit examples of things he's done.

Should I do this, or should I leave with things as they are and avoid the risk of damage to myself?

Leave things as they are - don't send a parting shot at your Team Lead.

You have been there a year and have decided to leave.

You have already had your exit interview, and have already talked with your manager. You chose not to discuss it then (which I think was wise on your part). Sending a nasty-gram at this point almost certainly won't have the effect you desire. Instead, it will be viewed as a parting shot that wasn't delivered face-to-face, from a disgruntled former employee. The time for discussing your Team Lead with your Manager was before you resigned, not after.

I always recommend that folks take the high road on their way out. That way, they will continue to have the respect they have earned from their former manager and co-workers. This can be handy down the road when a job recommendation is helpful.

Sending this note might make you feel better for a few minutes, but since you indicate that "politics like this is apparently rife throughout the local branch" you almost certainly won't be telling them anything they don't already know (or could find out for themselves if they really wanted to do so).

And as @NeilSlater correctly points out, the Lead will still be there to defend himself and discredit your email, while you will be long gone.

Just put this behind you quickly, and move on to a better job. You'll be better for it.

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  • 6
    Thank you very much. This is great advice! Thank you for the excellent reasoning. Now I can delete that draft I've been editing on and off again.
    – Sultan
    Jun 16, 2015 at 17:40
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    A second point to this is that the team lead will still be there to defend themselves against any accusations; if they have something in writing to react to, then a possible unwanted outcome is that it will continue or even escalate a toxic part of the relationship that the OP has chosen to end.
    – Neil Slater
    Jun 16, 2015 at 17:44
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    Just be careful, when writing something you don't intend to send, not to put in the address so it can't escape accidentally. (I have such a note sitting in my Drafts folder. I suppose I could delete it by now, but I'm still grumbling so...)
    – keshlam
    Jun 16, 2015 at 18:40
  • Best to just move on and leave them to suffer the consequences of their own actions. I think you handled this situation well.
    – Rocky
    Jun 16, 2015 at 20:53
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    Use a text editor of your choice to write your nastygram and delete it - to eliminate the smallest chance of accidentally sending it,
    – Rex
    Jun 17, 2015 at 7:55
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The time to discuss your concerns and attempt to get them addressed has passed. Ideally, you would have had ongoing discussion about your frustrations when there was opportunity to address them.

Most managers would be frustrated if there are ongoing issues that they may have been able to resolve which cause employees to leave. This will vary based on the quality of the manager, though.

But it's nearly never good to try to take a last parting shot. At best, you cause something to change in a company you don't work for. At worst, you leave with everyone at that company having a bad impression of you since your last thing was a petty parting shot.

This is even more relevant if you feel forced out, as you say. If that is the case then why would you expect anyone there to care?

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  • 2
    Sorry, to clarify I meant forced out by the actions of this Lead. I did very well performance-wise, and my manager was quite happy with me. I didn't want to discuss the issue because, at this company, the longer you've been there the less likely any action would be take over for something like this. I simply didn't see any scenarios where discussing it would play it out well for me. TBH I suspect others have complained in the past, as he's been made to switch teams and has had to take leadership training courses.
    – Sultan
    Jun 16, 2015 at 18:48
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    When you give notice, your manager should already be aware of any issues inside the organization that might trigger your leaving. Enderland is correct: "The time to discuss your concerns and attempt to get them addressed has passed." This would be the time to say "sorry but that issue I kept bringing to your attention? I got tired of dealing with it and decided to change jobs and get a fresh start." In fact I have done exactly that in the past with no hard feelings. I have never sprung a surprise on management when quitting because they already knew the reasons.
    – user16626
    Jun 16, 2015 at 20:37
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Yes, actually, but not in writing, do it in person and off-site if you can. I have done this; I transferred department to get away from the swine, and after a reorganisation he got assigned to us. So I left, officially to get some more varied experience. The boss said, what is the real reason? And I said, because I never want to be in the same room as X ever again. And he said, there's something wrong here, four of you are leaving to get away from this guy. I told him some of the nasty stuff X had done to me and many others, trying to keep it light-hearted and zippy.

Last time I went past, I saw X had been downgraded and had to share an office (this is as low as it gets here).

So it helped. It made me feel better too.

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    I feel bad for the person who has to share an office with X! Why don't companies just fire the X types?!
    – Shiz Z.
    Jun 17, 2015 at 18:08
  • That guy has connections you and I can only dream of. Anyway, the man who gave him the job told everyone what a stallion he was, and couldn't back down.
    – RedSonja
    Jun 18, 2015 at 6:59
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    This should have been brought up lone before the exit interview - it should not have come as a surprise to the boss.
    – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
    Jul 26, 2015 at 8:03

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