I was diagnosed several years ago with bipolar disorder, and have since been seeking help as much as possible from professional therapists and psychiatrists. I have tried a large variety of different medications, none of which have seemed to help in any significant way, and most of which caused side effects that outweighed the benefits. I have been in and out of the hospital a few times in the past as well which, needless to say, was incredibly stressful for myself, my friends and my family.
Despite all this I managed to push my way through a degree in IT from a fairly tough university, and I just started my first job out of college in software development for a large company. While I'm pleased with the salary and benefits they are offering I am finding that the combined stress of the job and the hour commute each way are taking a massive toll on my emotional well being. The work isn't terrible, but I find the lack of privacy the open concept facilitates and a few rather condescending people around me cause me to feel vulnerable and negatively self-conscious. In addition I find that sleeping from the time I get home (around 7pm) to the time I have to leave for work (around 7am) is the only way to feel alert, and even then I have no time for any leisure activities.
It's driving me up a wall having to pretend I feel okay when in fact I am spiraling downward quickly to a place where I'm sure I will start to self-destruct. I am hesitant to bring this up to my manager as I feel I don't have the ability to trust him, nor do I have any indication he might be receptive to accommodating me, especially since I elected not to mention this in the hiring process as I felt it would almost guarantee I would not get hired.
I'm very familiar with this chain of events and where it will lead, since this kind of thing has happened to me before during internships, although in those cases it wasn't such a big deal because they were temporary jobs and I could just resign and go back to school. Should I continue without doing anything different I will probably end up in the hospital or worse, but this time I can't fall back on school as my loans will become due soon.
With all of that said, my question isn't so much about whether this particular job is right for me. Instead, it's about what steps I can take from here to proceed as gracefully as possible, while keeping my head above water. It's been suggested that I could sign a lease on an apartment close to work to cut out the commute, but then I am committed to pay it for the year, which I am reluctant to do because I am unsure I can continue working here in the long run. Working from home might be a solution, but I am in my probationary period and as such am not permitted to do so by company policy. I am aware of the ADA, but I am only a month into my job, and I honestly feel like an emotional collapse is imminent any day now. I am concerned how it would look to my employer - and perhaps more importantly to future employers - if I burn out after only a month and start asking for all of these accommodations without any prior warning. I know my health is important but I also hate feeling like a leech, and if I were sure just explaining the situation in therapy would help much, I would just do that.
Should I tell my manager and risk my position to hopefully rectify the situation, or at least find a half-way point?
Should I simply resign and focus on recovering without regard to my future career?
Should I maybe just keep going as if nothing is wrong and hope it gets better?
EDIT I have read the question Should an employee tell their supervisor about their depression? previously before I wrote this question. The reason that answer is different is that it assumes the depression can be treated reasonably easily, and as such is likely temporary. This is bipolar disorder, not major depressive disorder, and as such is very likely to persist for most of my life. There will be periods of high function, and periods of absolute inability to function, almost regardless of whether I'm seeking treatment in my experience. In addition, my treatment options are very different, because any psychiatrist would be very reluctant to prescribe any kinds of anti-anxiety medications or anti-depressants without an anti-psychotic to protect against a pharmacologically caused manic episode, which has historically caused me to be so tired I can't get out of bed. The answer there implies that there will be only a temporary period of low function. I cannot guarantee that.
I am in no way attempting to diminish the struggles of those going through depression, by the way. I am simply trying to highlight the differences between it and bipolar disorder in terms of treatment and general effect on livelihood.