I made a new account at a job-search website and uploaded my resume to it. I received a call the next day from my manager: he was very angry, disappointed etc...

He made a lot of comments to make me feel guilty, evoking how generous he was by accepting me and taking the risk, or paying my studies even if the sum of those isn't a very high figure (could've paid that myself, I am still grateful). And he felt it was very ungrateful and inconsiderate that I was "looking for another job." I don't know how he found out. I'm guessing that HR is always looking if an employee made an update and informs management.

My response was simply that I made a new account with my resume and that that doesn't mean I am looking for another job, that just means I am open to new proposals. I offered to get a drink together later in the week and discuss it more calmly (we don't see each other every day nor talk to each other) and he accepted. We will meet later this week for an evaluation and performance meeting with the client.

How could I handle this without constraining my options?

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    So you just got a job, but updated your resume because you're "open to new proposals"? Shouldn't you be "casually updating your resume to keep things organized"? Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 13:31
  • @MatthewRock I've been working at this job almost a year now. Not really just got it. "Casually updating" sounds definitely better, I didn't have a lot of time to think what to say since hir called me.
    – Jose Luis
    Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 13:34
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    This is an overreaction on the manager's part. How would it be if the shoe were on the other foot -- Suppose you noticed a new job ad pop up for a position similar to yours (at the same company/location) - and then you called up your manager in an angry furious tone and said how angry and disappointed you were, how much time you had invested in the job, etc.
    – Brandin
    Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 14:29
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    @jim And you think an "angry furious tone" is going to help.
    – paparazzo
    Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 17:33
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    @Jim the situation is not symmetrical. Most workplaces actually pay a regular employee less than they would a consultant. The point of being a regular employee instead of charging consulting fees is to have some job safety and benefits, including having recourse to performance improvement plans and HR and so forth. There's reasonable expectation that your boss should warn you before replacing you, but it's not very reasonable for your boss to assume you'll never leave. Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 19:08

3 Answers 3


I feel that I should throw my own two cents in, as these other answers seem to focus more on the why and how your manager feels the way he does, and not really on what you should do.

I also always keep my online lin-ked-in (mangled for internet filter purposes - please leave it alone) profile updated. There are several reasons why I do so:

  • I like to get the scoop on what the latest jobs on the market are
  • It keeps me in the loop as to what technologies are currently most desired
  • It boosts my confidence to know that recruiters are looking at my profile and considering me for said positions
  • I use it to keep in touch with my former colleagues and my network

To this purpose I'll log in every once in a while, post something, edit small details on my profile, etc. in order to remain active. I also make a point of updating my experience after a few months on the job (when I actually have a grip on what my job entails).

I've never been asked by a manager why that is, but if I ever were I would mention some of the reasons above.

Edit: It occurred to me that you might be able to use the following "excuse": your friends are members of that site/network, and they invited you to join in order to keep track of one another. Some might consider this a flimsy excuse, but I'll let you make the decision. Just wanted to provide some more "ammunition" for your upcoming conversation.

  • @Joze - glad I could help
    – AndreiROM
    Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 15:27
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    what internet filter purposes?
    – HorusKol
    Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 23:00
  • +1 for "keeping in contact" excuse...but make sure you add people to your network too
    – Ed Griebel
    Commented Dec 16, 2015 at 19:27
  • I am now intrigued about the internet filter. I would love to hear more about that.
    – Kaz
    Commented Dec 16, 2015 at 20:36
  • @TOOGAM Pretty sure the reasoning is of the workplace filtering, stopping AndreiROM from editing the answer at work if Lin-ked-In is present. And your comment will probably do that.
    – wizzwizz4
    Commented Mar 4, 2018 at 18:16

How would you feel if your romantic partner signed up to a dating site, or kept their OKCupid profile regularly updated?

I'm not saying it's logical - or especially fair - but that's how lots of companies feel about their employees. They show loyalty to you while you're happily promiscuous.

Some managers realise that the old days of company loyalty are dead - in your case, your manager doesn't.

Your manager spent a lot of time (and probably a lot of money) hiring you. On a rational level, they don't want to make that expenditure again. On an emotional level, they don't want to admit to their peers that they made a bad hire.

Realistically, all you can do is explain your career plans to them. Let them know how much you enjoy working for the company but - assuming they don't offer any loyalty bonuses - you don't feel beholden to them.

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    If your manager thinks your job relationship is analogous to dating, it may be time for you to consider new opportunities regardless. A reasonable manager should handle this in a reasonable way - e.g. talk to your employee and find out what's going on. Not call you up in an angry fit (e.g. like an angry girlfriend).
    – Brandin
    Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 14:31
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    Just to make it clear, a company expects you to be loyal to them but they are willing to expunge you if it meant keeping their interest in line. If the OP fell ill today and went into a coma, the company wouldn't lift a finger to help.
    – Dan
    Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 14:59
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    @Dan: that's not always true. There are quite a few companies out there that would absolutely help in situations like that.
    – NotMe
    Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 15:33
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    @dan rather depends on where you live. In the UK (and most of Europe) they'd have to give you sick pay and keep your job open for a reasonable time. Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 15:38
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    If I were paying my romantic partner for the privilege of the relationship, perhaps, but then "partner" would probably not be the best word :) Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 16:23

Before you are hired and during your employment, your manager usually has to justify having you on staff. This is a very personal activity between you and your manager, involving investment of time and energy on their part. You also mention a "client" which means that you manager has also spent time "selling" you to the client. Justifying why you are the "right person for the job."

Perhaps without your knowledge, you have been under review, criticized or made mistakes that your manager spends time handling. This creates a human desire for some kind of demonstration of appreciation and/or loyalty in return, whether you realize it or want it.

Your lack of concern for the relationship is one way to lose it. If you are "keeping your options open" why should your manager invest any more time or energy in helping you advance your career? Why shouldn't he also keep his options open and advertise for and/or interview other candidates for you job? Just in case a better candidate comes along. Then he could just fire you and have someone better, right?

Also, the cost and time of "keeping your options open" is real. You have to spend time and energy updating your resume, reviewing potential employers, etc. All of this is time and energy you spend thinking about and focused on working somewhere else. The concept of that is likely to make any manager feel uncomfortable on some level. They want to not worry about replacing you, and get work done.

Similarly, if your employer were interviewing candidates for your job while you working, it would probably make you uncomfortable. It would probably give you the impression, true or not, that they are unhappy with your performance. Also, you would probably begin to worry when they might come across a better fit for the job and simply fire you, "services no longer needed" style.

You need to realize that employment is also a relationship. Your manager is investing time and energy into you. If you do not value your relationship, then you take steps to find another one. Your question makes it sound like you do not value it, so it would not be surprising if your manager began to take steps to find someone that does. Just keep that in mind when you "meet for drinks" to discuss the situation.


Your response: you probably cannot respond well without "constraining your options." You probably need to remove your resume from the website that you posted.

If you sincerely appreciate and value your job, you should start your conversation with your manager by saying those things. Also, express that you did not realize how important you were to him (which appears to be the case). You need to assure your boss that you want to continue to work for him right now and for the foreseeable future.

Also, then express that you would like to have a good career. That involves you looking beyond your current job/role in some manner. However, this creates a possible dilemma in that you are not sure how to explore outside options appropriately or when to know internal options are available. You need your manager's help in understanding his role with this larger goal. Maybe there are projects he can get you involved in, provide you additional training, give you more challenging work, etc. Unlike a marriage or dating, very rarely is a "job" expected to be a career.

Give him some time to respond. Consider this an opening to a much longer conversation (perhaps one that will last for several decades - even across different jobs and employers for both of you). If he seems genuinely interested in helping you as a person, then as his career progresses it might make it easier for your career to progress. You can provide each other professional references, etc. This is about relationship building.

However, the focus at the moment should be on the moment. His feelings are hurt and you need to "apologize." That means removing your resume and asking forgiveness, in a sense. Since you don't have an immediate need to find another job, this approach will help secure your current job, open you to options that you may not be aware of and gives you a chance to reinforce your relationship with your manager. Your action was not egregious, but it requires a sincere and serious response. This might actually give you a "new job" but perhaps not in the way you anticipated.

  • This seems like a sensible assessment. Thank you for putting things into perspective. What do you recommend saying to him?
    – Jose Luis
    Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 14:36
  • I edited my response. I hope it helps.
    – Jim
    Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 14:54
  • This is not a sensible assessment. All employees today need to be looking for their next job all the time, and employers should know this is happening. Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 16:37
  • There is an important difference between "employers should assume" and "employers should know" - besides, as a manger I will put more effort into employees that appear loyal compared to those that do not.
    – Jim
    Commented Dec 15, 2015 at 17:01

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