Dealing with depressed and frustrated colleague

Question

I have been working at my current job for a little under a year, and am generally quite happy - apart from sitting one desk down from a project manager who seems to be quite depressed and frustrated. He is constantly sighing and complaining. I cannot explain how this feels apart from just saying that I constantly get bad vibes from him. What's more, I think he dislikes me through a combination of jealousy (I have an easier job) and the fact that I am a foreigner.

So I guess my question is how do you deal with depressed individuals? And how do you stop their mood from getting to you?

Answer 1

So I guess my question is how do you deal with depressed individuals?

Ignore them.

and how do you stop their mood from getting to you?

See above.

Now, for a less facetious answer: you should only do something if a colleague's behaviour becomes a distraction to the point where it is interfering with your work. In your situation, those sighs and complaints might rise to that level, in which case your first action should be to ask the person directly if he can tone it down. Your tone should be respectful but how you word that depends on your culture, relative position in the hierarchy and a lot of other factors.

If you've tried that many times without effect, you might have to learn to live with the behaviour or. If it's truly a disruption, you can escalate this to your manager who may or may not do something about it, or HR where the same caveat applies. Only go to HR if you know they're receptive to this kind of thing and have shown competence in the past. When you're raising this, focus on the behaviour, how it impacts you and remain matter-of-fact and non-judgemental. Explain that you've tried to work it out with the individual directly but that it's had no effect.

In fact, you should treat this as general "my coworker's behaviour is annoying me" situation. That question has been covered here before: What can I do about a very loud coworker?

As for his dislike of you, your coworkers don't have to like you to maintain a professional relationship. Jealousy and bigotry are personal defects that say much more about this colleague than about you. Write him off as a boor and remain professional but distant. If his behaviour is more severe than you describe that is a different problem and there are a fair number of question on the site about dealing with such a situation.

As for the broader question of depression: a person's mood, medical history or psychological condition is really no concern of yours. Guessing at a diagnosis is pointless: you should just focus on a person's behaviour and aim to preserve a good working relationship. About the only exception to this is when a person is exhibiting signs of compromised functioning or severe medical symptoms: expressing suicidal thoughts, delusions, suddenly slurred speech and so on. But such signs are typically very recognisable and they're a far cry from someone feeling frustrated or a bit melancholic at work.

Answer 2

Everyone is different. You will have to work with all kinds of people. It may be that he is just that kind of person. It may be that his child is in hospital and won't survive for more than six months. Do you know which one it is?

Look at it like this: Would you rather be annoyed about this "depressed" colleague, or would you rather your colleagues being annoyed about you? In other words, would you swap places with him? If not, be happy that you are in your position and not in his position.

And if you think that he dislikes you because you are a foreigner, that means he is a foreigner to you, which means you may very well be misinterpreting signals completely wrong.