We need help of others to achieve our goals

Though I understand this I feel I'm not sure how to connect with people at work. And being introvert makes it very hard for me. Can anyone please guide me through this


In my experience, simply working with people -- asking them for assistance when needed, assisting them in turn, random "how was you weekend"s and the like -- tend to do the job Just Fine unless you're actively hiding. Be friendly (without overdoing it), be a good listener, be helpful, pose interesting and relevant questions, and you sorta can't help getting to know your coworkers.

(And yes, I'm shy too. But that becomes much less of an issue after you;ve been around people a few weeks.)

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    I would add that assisting and being assisted by people outside of your immediate team is very useful for networking. There will always be someone across the hallway (or across the continent) who knows something you need to know. Showing genuine appreciation for their help will go a long way toward building bridges, especially if they've been burned in the past. Be quick to help them as well, even if it's not strictly your responsibility. – Pedro Jan 1 '16 at 4:34

The coffe machine is your friend. Everyone goes there, so try to be there too. I'm an introvert either, and it requires some work to get used to contacts, but a successful career is often at this price.

That, and each time you've got an opportunity to professionally speak to someone, force yourself to ask one personal question. Like "how are your children growing", or "For when is your wedding?", things like that. Remember that people love to speak about themselves. Launch them, listen to what they say(be it interesting or not), and sooner or later, some of them will give you informations more relevant to your career.

The advantage of being an introvert is that you're less likely to speak only about you. Which is often seen as selfish. If you make just the effort of asking one question & wait to see where it leads, you'll get more rewards for less effort. And don't overdo it : you're at work for, errrrm, working, first.

You never know what this or this relation will bring us. And all of a sudden, because you've been polite & interested in people, you're offered a job improvement by a manager you barely knew, but who heard you're a good boy. It's a game of patience. Every day, make a little effort towards a few people. Slowly, surely listen to them. Some of them will ask questions, which means you begin to have some kind of link with them. And then, later, it will pay off. Usually a way you cannot forecast.

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How to Win Friends and Influence People has more than a few good tips:

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1.Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.

  1. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

  2. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Books on Emotional Intelligence like "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" and "The Other Kind of Smart" could also be useful in building relationships. "Quiet" by Susan Cain and "The Introvert's Advantage" could be useful books as being an introvert doesn't automatically make you anti-social.

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Looking for a network of peers does not mean that you necessarily need to completely change your personality to be able to create networks. And since your goal is not necessarily friendship but reputation ("he's someone who gets things done" is much better than "he's a friendly chap"), you can manage this on a small group/one-on-one level.

I work with a number of people who are developers (a majority of devs. are introverts) and have a different language as their first language. This means that there is a double-difficulty in sorting out who I should pull to be on a team. Most important things to me:

  • Polite
  • Responds when messaged
  • Looks for work which needs to be done (and volunteers).
  • Willing to work hard
  • Able to learn

None of these are aspects which would be difficult for an introvert or an extrovert. If you have all of the above, then I would consider you a valuable resource whom I would try to grab for future projects. If you don't, then I will have concerns.

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