During the exit interview I mentioned that I wanted to quit just 6 months into my job because the senior developers did not want to mentor me or even answer my questions at times and it was getting in the way of me learning and contribunting.

The person conducting the interview just said: "That was a long time ago." (very curt tone of voice)

This was very confusing to me. I feel like this is kind of a psychological technique called gaslighting where they rebase everything to make things your fault or make you the problem. It was very stressful to me.

Yes, the first instance where they did not want to help me was a long time ago but the issue persisted and the fact that they did not want to help me snowballed and affected my productivity for a long time. It is also demoralizing and memotivating for a new employee to have to endure that.

Because she gaslighted me I could not finish what I was saying.

I cannot understand this style of communication: cutting people off and jumping to conclusions without finishing thoughts or sentences and blaming others.

What are some of the reasons why a person would communicate like this?

closed as off-topic by Philip Kendall, gnat, paparazzo, Lilienthal, Monica Cellio Feb 14 '16 at 18:54

This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:

  • "Real questions have answers. Rather than explaining why your situation is terrible, or why your boss/coworker makes you unhappy, explain what you want to do to make it better. For more information, click here." – Philip Kendall, gnat, paparazzo, Lilienthal, Monica Cellio
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    perhaps in your next job it would be a good idea to concentrate on your work more, and less on psychoanalysing your colleagues and bosses. It makes things easier and less stressful. – Kilisi Feb 14 '16 at 11:31
  • Perfect example of why anything other than a "moving on to other opportunities" statement is a bad idea in an exit interview. HR professionals only care about employees insofar as the well-being of the company is concerned, and they care even less at the exit interview. Many folks, myself included, who originated from academic backgrounds have found this fact hard to accept but it is true. – teego1967 Feb 14 '16 at 12:41
  • HR do care about exit interviews. They wish to find out why people are leaving. They wish to retain employees. Employing a new person costs a lot of money. Advertising, recruitment agents, interviewing, training, 6 months to get up to speed etc. – Ed Heal Feb 14 '16 at 13:26
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    This post is yet another example of what I can only describe as paranoid behaviour. Gaslighting? Really? You need to do some self-evaluation because the only consistent factor in the questions you've posted so far is you. Anyway, obvious close as off-topic. – Lilienthal Feb 14 '16 at 18:30

I think that because it happened a long time ago (your admission) and you never informed anybody of problem then of course they were surprised.

If you do not tell anybody that you are having certain problems, how do they know or be able to help you. The HR department along with company do not like to lose employees (It is expensive, disruptive). So I would imagine that their thinking during this conversation would be along the lines - If we had known we could have done something and this employee would not be moving on.

In future tell your manager that you require assistance. If that does not work seek alternative avenues including the HR department.

Another good technique is to write down a list of questions and ask them in one go - perhaps set up a meeting.


What are some of the reasons why a person would communicate like this?

Personal antagonism would be one. Another would be that it's the first time this has been bought up properly with HR and/or they thought it was already sorted out. Another would be the interviewer is having a bad day. Or the interviewer is using a weird technique to elicit information, or more likely to stop you complaining etc,. There's no way of telling and you shouldn't let it get to you.

There is obviously a history behind all this. But at the end of the day, it's an exit interview, you're not applying for anything. Don't admit culpability in ANYTHING and if it becomes unfriendly just keep quiet until you can leave.

There's no sense in doing anything else. At the end of the day, who cares? You got one foot out of the door already. Focus on your next job and avoiding the same issues that made you unhappy with this one.

  • Well I am already having issues at my new workplace. My coworkers don't like children and I have a daughter. They talk about how much they don't like kids on a weekly basis. This makes me feel uncomfortable. I mean if you had a cat and I kept on telling you how much I don't like cats it's hard not to start to feel the dislike and discomfort. I don't know how to deal with it. – user1261710 Feb 14 '16 at 20:03
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    @user1261710 - please consult a qualified medical professional and/or a psychologist. – Deer Hunter Feb 15 '16 at 1:24
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    I like cats, but if my co workers didn't I wouldn't care. I have four kids, if my co workers didn't like their own kids I wouldn't care either. It's only my problem if I let it be. I actually couldn't care less about anything my co workers want to rant about unless it impacts directly on my work. I'm there for the money. – Kilisi Feb 15 '16 at 5:29
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    @user1261710 In that situation, the solution should just be: don't talk about cats (or your children) with your co-workers. Find something else to chat about. – Brandin Feb 15 '16 at 11:39

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