My district leader wants me to transfer because I'm dating my managers brother. We have never let that effect our work relationship and we don't discuss home life at work. They says she is playing favorites and they want to transfer me. I called hr and he said that he would talk with the district leader and I have gotten no information back from either person. The handbook states that I have to move if we get married but that's no where in the picture at the moment. What do I do?


It's not only for the interest of the company; it's also for your best interest.

Imagine that for a reason or another, you stop dating your Manager's brother.

And your brother manages to convince you Manager that you've been acting badly toward him. (Let's go to the extreme and let's say he lies and tell his sister that you cheated on him.)

Now she'll side with him against you. You'll be in trouble.

With you not having to interact directly with that person (the Manager) at work, you're free to live your life, without fearing having your personal relationship interfere (in a good or in a bad way) with your professional life.


Conflict of interest comes into picture in your situation. Depending on company policies, they might force you to move under a different management chain. It might be in the same locality/office or some other place.


Companies tend to frown upon internal relationships due to a concept called conflict of interest. This is especially bad if you're directly dating someone in a manager-subordinate fashion because consider: You're the manager, and your subordinate that you're dating gets in trouble. How likely are you to lessen the severity of the punishment based on your relationship?

Likewise, one could assume that you're dating the manager's brother. You interact more personally with the manager and thus when it comes down to discipline, or suggestions, improvements, etc. Imagine anything where that sort of bias, or propensity to side with you is a direct product of the relationship w/ your manager's brother. The reverse is also true, if you two fall out somehow, be careful!

This is generally regardless of circumstance. The assumption is that despite your best intentions the bias still exists in some way, shape or form. I can name a few big financial firms that don't even allow relationships b/t peers, they tend to disappear at a much faster rate than non-dating coworkers.

IMO, however, this is very much a situation that you and the company will have to settle internally, because from my standpoint this is an industry culture issue (not just your company's culture). It would have been best that no one ever found out about this relationship.

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