This might be a very unique situation, but here are the details of my problem.
- I was accepted as a front-end developer in startup with very good foundation.
- During the course of my application, the "technical officer" who interviewed me at the time assessed my skills as "not very stellar" but that I had excellent communication skills.
- The CTO and CEO liked me on my final interview and thus hired me.
- There was too much pressure from peers and even the "technical officer." Whenever I would make a mistake the "technical officer" would coach me in front of everyone else, while for the others, he would talk to them privately.
- I was part of the team that won the company's hackathon. CEO pats my back and tells me I have potential for leadership. Oh the pressure.
- I decided to take a different career path, where I could be under someone else's leadership -- UX design. But after a long hiatus, I had a difficult time adjusting to the new demands.
- I was assigned a big project which I failed to deliver in good quality. I was having a tough time at home and with personal issues (moving to a different apartment, relationship issues), and as a result, I couldn't deliver on time.
- Now I'm assigned to a smaller, but new project, back as a coder, but was told that if there are any UX projects that need some help, I would be assigned to them to assist.
- I asked the CEO personally for feedback and points of improvement and he told me that he appreciates me doing that. Now that I know what my mistakes are, how can I prove myself when I've been assigned to a totally different project and field?
Now I'm stuck. I feel bad but I also take responsibility for my sluggish delivery. I want to rectify this. I'm planning to email my UX lead and let her know that it's important for me for them to know that I was taking the job seriously but that I had a hard time with it. And that I want to be better. Will asking for direction and help sound needy? How should I approach this?