A bit silly but I may have a small crush for an HR advisor in my company. The company is large and the culture is quite formal.

Ideally I'd like to meet her outside work and talk to her normally but there are no occasions to do so.

Is it really inappropriate in a workplace if I ask someone out?

  • 13
    Some companies have policies regarding relationships among coworkers. There are also company considerations. Maybe...you should talk to HR? – Thomas Owens Apr 28 '16 at 21:37
  • 2
    Just bring her something but without the note. And a few more times if she responds positively, eventually you will know whether you want to risk the note. – user7230 Apr 28 '16 at 21:44
  • 3
    Get a new job and ask her out during your exit interview? – djohnson10 Apr 28 '16 at 21:51
  • 4
  • 3
    If your only interaction to date has been having a piece of cake rejected due to the ingredients you may want to hold off on asking her out. – AndreiROM Apr 29 '16 at 13:33

It's inadvisable to do more than the piece of cake. Especially if she is in HR, but even if she wasn't.

Best if you met her outside work, but of course that would imply finding out where she goes outside work, which might be thought to be stalking. But really that is the safest way. Office romances are not a great idea and rarely end well unless one of the pair leaves the company.

| improve this answer | |
  • 2
    I think this is even more so for companies you can describe as "large, formal." Being said, it's completely possible that the company may be okay with it as long as it's disclosed in writing and doesn't fall within the chain of authority. I think the fact she is HR, however, will make dating quite difficult. – CKM Apr 28 '16 at 21:50
  • From the company policy is ok to have romance within the company as long as it is disclosed to avoid conflict of interest (e.g. in case I would have to deal with HR a different member would be appointed - if we had a romance). However the risk is if things do not go well then she would be in a rather powerful position .. difficult... – dadama Apr 28 '16 at 22:03
  • @dadama Such policies are the reason it makes things weird and probably a bad idea. Suppose you meet her outside of work. At what point are you obligated to "disclose", anyway? If things don't work well and you just want to "be friends", do you have to "disclose" this as well? Unless you feel like you two are truly meant for each other consider avoiding this romance. – Brandin Apr 29 '16 at 8:46

Im going to take a different tone to the existing answers.

Go for it.

Seriously, you stated that your company policy doesn't explicitly forbid it, so there is no real company-side risk for this. Be sensible about it too, don't get stalker-ish, but expressing interest is worth it. Jobs change and percieved unprofessional behavior is forgotten, your life however is important.

Other answers state that office romances seldomly end well, and that may very well be the case. But ask yourself this: Are you willing to take the risk that it might not go so well? If yes, you should definately go for it. Especially since your company policy explicitly does not forbid this.

| improve this answer | |
  • 1
    There is a difference between "company policy doesn't explicitly forbid it" and "company policy explicitly allows this". Only one of those is accurate. Personally I'd feel a little strange about the affair if the company policy made any sort of explicit statements about romances that happen to be between colleages. – Brandin Apr 29 '16 at 9:00
  • @Brandin I edited the answer to reflect that. Thanks – Magisch Apr 29 '16 at 9:01

Ask HR... seriously

This is a pretty unique thing, and the best risk free way to do this is to approach her as a colleague in a formal context and ask what the policy is without letting on who specifically you are interested in.

As an employee you are entitled to know what the company stance is on office relationships is, and she will be the best person to ask about it.

On the plus side, if she has similar intentions she may understand on to what you are really asking, giving you an opening to ask her out - just follow what ever company guidelines she gives you.

But either way, follow her directions on whats appropriate and if she says no then leave it at that.

| improve this answer | |
  • DO not even ask HR they will laugh at the immaturity of such question. – Learner_101 Apr 29 '16 at 4:24
  • Could just try this on the very person herself, we can see how it unfolds on HBO – user7230 Apr 29 '16 at 6:06
  • Can I ask why he would ask HR to ask a girl out? Chances are she would just reject his offer and now you look silly on both end of the equation. Though it might make for a good pick up line asking the HR lady what the stance is on office dating then if she says it is all okay then ask her out. – Dan Apr 29 '16 at 13:11

Do not do anything. Bringing piece of cake especially for her would definitely tell her you are interested in her. If you see her , smile at her and see if she responds. Chances are she already has a boyfriend if she is pretty. Best to move on and find another girl.

| improve this answer | |
  • 3
    "Chances are"... "best to move on and find another". With that kind of attitude, a person'll never find a mate. If most people are in a relationship, then chances are always statistically unlikely that a person is available. One must determine if that is the case, if one is ever going to get hooked. – TOOGAM Apr 29 '16 at 5:09
  • 1
    That is a pretty sad suggestion. With an attitude like this OP will be alone way longer then he needs to be. Opportunity doesn't always present itself. – Magisch Apr 29 '16 at 6:46

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .