How can I help my direct report to understand he is not being micromanaged?

Question

A couple of weeks ago one of my direct reports (we'll call him Brent) went to my boss to complain that I am micromanaging him. When I heard the accusation, I was flabbergasted, since I don't see myself as a micromanager at all.

Edit: When my boss called me in to talk about it, I was told keep it to myself and not let Brent know that I was aware of his concerns.

After talking with my boss I sat down and talked with each of my direct reports to solicit their feedback. I asked in no uncertain terms, am I doing anything to hamper your success or the success of the team?

Some people had some really good constructive criticisms for me, but nobody thought I was a micromanager. When I brought up the topic specifically, each time the answer was the same: a categorical no.

On the heels of that, I sat down with a senior colleague who has been a mentor to me while I have worked for this company. He shares a workspace with us, so he has a decent amount of information upon which to base his opinion.

I left those meetings with the reassurance that I am not a micromanager. While it helped to buoy my spirits, it really did nothing to change Brent's perspective on things, so I went and did some research.

I read a lot of great questions and answers here, and some of them helped me to understand the problem from the perspective of the micromanaged:

How to work with a micro-manager?

How to deal with a bossy, micro-managing co-worker

I tried to look at my behaviors to see where I could improve on my relations with Brent. I started using some of the phrasing suggested in the articles I had read, and I tried to make Brent understand that I only wanted to support his success. I've been working at it for two weeks now, and I thought we were making headway.

My boss called today to let me know that Brent has applied for a position at another company. It just so happens that the owner of the other company is friends with the owner of our company. So, he called our owner to make sure it would be OK before calling Brent back.

My boss called Brent and the two talked. Among other things they discussed why Brent is seeking employment elsewhere. According to Brent, nothing has changed. My micromanaging ways have persisted, and he can't stand to work under me any longer.

How can I help my direct report to understand he is not being micromanaged? Is there anything that can be done to salvage the working relationship with Brent?

Answer 1

No, there isn't.

Brent is convinced he's being persecuted and actual reality will not sway him from that conviction. Let him go; he's on the edge. His next manager will also be a micromanager, and the next and the next. Random strangers may be micromanaging him after a while.

Don't waste your effort pandering to his fantasies. It's not constructive and you have already done more than enough to convince a reasonable person many times over.

Answer 2

I think that you are doubting yourself without actually knowing why. You tried to fix a problem without actually knowing what the problem was. First thing you should have done after the accusation should have to talk to Brent and figure out why he thinks he is micromanaged, not talk to the other members of the team (which was in my opinion a mistake, if my boss questions me about his performance out of the blue I might suspect that he is in trouble or I'm in trouble, so I get stressed).

You will probably figure out one of the following things:

• Brent was full of bull excrement and you have nothing to worry about
• Brent actually needs the micromanagement because he is a wild card (incompetent, untrustworthy, procrastinator ... etc.). In this case, I think it's better you let him go without pointing this out. You don't need the drama, let him figure out at another job.
• Brent was kind of right but he was way to sensitive, so he isn't right for your team, as the others have a much higher tolerance for "micromanaging" and your style doesn't need to be changed. Tell him that you can see his point, but it's not your intention to micromanage him. If he can't tolerate your style, he can go, but you will be sorry to see him go. Make it clear that you don't intend to change!
• You are micromanaging him, but not the others for some reason (he didn't prove his abilities to you sufficiently, so you don't trust him. And him going over your head didn't help either). Take a break, try to understand why and if you can fix the issue. You may realize that you can't change then treat is as one of the previous two cases (let him go or tell him to get over it). If you think you can change, apologize in no uncertain terms, give him a opportunity to prove himself and take a real risk (under no circumstances give him a unimportant task, so he can sense you don't actual trust him) and leave him be, don't ask for updates, don't suggest directions, don't have others spy on him. Make sure that when he comes for help, you help him without gloating! Don't inform the team, their attitude needs to remain unchanged. Repeat a few times.
• You are micromanaging everyone because they need to. Then it's time for another team (here or in another place).
• You are micromanaging everyone and you are wrong to do it. First, you have to figure out why! It might be because you are a control freak, it might be because you don't think they can do it, etc. Learn to let go! Let them fail and take it like a man. This includes taking responsibility for their failures. Fix the issues and move on. After a while you may end up in the previous case (but you learned something), or you will have a team you trust and inspire. This is not a quick fix! Changing your phrasing isn't going to work, you need to change your attitude and take a real risk, don't give them minor tasks and take care of everything that's sensitive by yourself!

Answer 3

Having been a manager and a professor for the past 20 years, it has been my experience that there are times when terms like micromanager is a replacement term for "I don't like to work for him/her."

I have a repertoire of terms for student workers and TA's which boils down to "I can't deal with their drama."

Please do not take this nothing term to heart, and try to let this incident be a bygone.

Answer 4

At this point, it's likely a thing to look back on and not a thing to fix... but here it goes:

1 - Get Bret's definition of micromanagement

Don't start in with "I hear from my boss I'm micromanaging you, what do you think I'm doing wrong". Since your boss pretty much said not to do that, it won't end well. Also - starting with an accusation usually doesn't help improve trusted communication.

I'd say something like "I'm working to improve how I manage and collaborate with employees. Are there specific actions I could do or not do that would help you do your job more efficiently?" If he's reticent, you may even say "I don't want to be a micromanager". If he can't honestly point to something you could change about how you interact with him then let it go.

It may be that he has a perception of your behavior that is far more supervisory than it is in reality... it may be that you can clarify the situation. It may be that there are some things that happen to legitimately bug him about how you ask him things that you could change (even if you don't see them as such a big deal). But usually you have to nip this in the bug - if he's hunting, he probably won't stick around.

2 - Ask your boss for details on your behavior

It's not fair for your boss to give you a generality - either he's got to let you directly talk to the employee or he has to give you specific details. It may be that the employee won't respond if you ask directly, but if he was willing to talk to your boss, the boss should have gotten specifics if he wants to hold you accountable for changing your behavior.

Or ask if he'd be willing to mediate a discussion between you both.

It may be that you did nothing wrong, and your boss is really just letting you know that you have an unhappy employee, and there's probably nothing you can do to fix it. If this is the 3rd boss the guy has hated, it may be he just hates your corporate culture and there's nothing you can do.

3 - Consider where the employee is on the performance curve

If he's getting a lot done, you can give him a lot of control over when and how to communicate with you. You could try initiating a model of interaction that is different from your other employees. High performing, high motivation employees usually need less hand holding and can run with the ball for longer than other types. Low skill set, low motivation employees need what others may say is micromanagement. There's a whole spectrum in between.

You might also consider where this guy falls in light of your current pool of employees. If he's not as successful as others there may be reasons why you check in with him more often - it's fair for you give him very direct feedback if that's the case. If he's high performing, you may ask him to set the terms for how you work together and let him pull what he needs from you and be accountable to you for deadlines.

There's no one size fits all on hands off/micromanagement - one person's dream relationship is another's nightmare.

No one wants a boss who demeans them and makes them feel unimportant - but that's different.

4 - Let it go

You can't please everyone. There's a percentage of employees who will hate working for you no matter what you do, because you are you and you are not a one size fits all manager any more than they are one size fits all employees. Managers each have a style and a way of working - changing your personal style just to make one member of the team happy isn't reasonable.

Answer 5

How can I help my direct report to understand he is not being micromanaged?

You're asking the wrong question. Do not try to control what he thinks of you.

That is a wrong attitude to have. For all you know, he had a bad day, or he's coming from a previous different management culture. Either that, or he's not being entirely honest. Either way, you can't let his apparent opinion of you control your actions. Everyone has different opinions, different perspectives, and possibly different agendas. And if you ever try, it's super difficult to try to control an adverse opinion that someone has of you.

And by trying to control what he thinks of you, you're giving him control over you. This is how manipulation works. It is a two way street. So don't try to disprove his assertion. Do not get defensive. The more defensive you get, the more defensive he'll get trying to prove his point of view. That's how most of us humans do it.

And the more you look for the proof of something, the more likely you're likely to find it. This is called selection bias. This is the reason why when you buy a new car of particular make, model, and color, you start noticing other cars of the same make, model, and color, much more disproportionately, whereas before you usually didn't notice them at all.

So before you start this endless battle to prove yourself and he gets entrenched in his battle to prove his point of view. Stop yourself. Take a deep breath. And look for the kernel of truth in what he says. It doesn't have to be much, in fact, it can be a super tiny little kernel of truth. And if you sincerely don't know what it is yet, work to uncover that kernel of truth.

And know that even if there was some truth to what he says, know that it doesn't mean that you have to change your way of managing people. Micromanaging is sometimes completely necessary. Some employees may not like it, especially employees coming from a more relaxed work environment, but that's just how things are sometimes in a business. Sometimes, you're paid to do things that you don't want to do. That's just life.

As to the secrecy over the complaint, that's a problem. If I were you, I'd talk to the boss about lifting the embargo over this discussion. The boss can just go and tell the employee, "I changed my mind. I think this is something that so-and-so needs to know about specifically, otherwise he/she is not likely to grow as a manager." And once you get the go-ahead from your boss, you can actually address the issue.

That being said, look for that kernel of truth even when you're discussing this issue with your boss. Your boss is much likely to want to have an open discussion if he can see you're open to that possibility -- however small and insignificant that possibility may be.

PS: I just noticed the part about your subordinate seeking employment elsewhere. Don't try too hard to keep him as an employee. Sometimes, personality types are just not compatible, and that's nobody's fault. It's good if he changes his mind and decides to stay as your employee, but it isn't the end of the world if he finds a position elsewhere. If he really wants to leave, then let him and wish him the best. Definitely, don't make any promise to him or to your boss about changing your behavior. The more someone tries to do that, the more that person will push others away as a result.

Answer 6

Some people feel as if any management is micromanagement. Someone who complaints that you are a micromanager without giving specifics or talking to you first before going over your head is no loss to your team. Be happy that he is leaving. It removes a cancer from your team because no doubt he complains behind your back to them too.

I have often found the ones who think all management is micromanagement are often the ones who have something to hide like working a second job during their scheduled work hours or slacking off when they should be working or a whole host of problems. Or they are just plain immature. Or they don't understand that managers also have managers and the information they are being asked for is often used to meet the managers needs to report up his chain of command.

However your actions in seeking out the advice of articles and others in your group rather than talking plainly and directly first to Brent are also troubling.

Your more immediate problem is not Brent however, but your boss. If he has taken to heart Brent's statement that you micromanage, then you may have to convince him otherwise. If he feels he lost a good employee because of you, then he may start to manage you more closely or give you a poor evaluation. You need to make sure that he is not feeling that you are bad even though others have made you feel as if you are doing fine. If anyone else leaves in the near future this will come up again because no matter what other reason that person gives, the boss is going to think of this incident.

Personally I would have a talk with my boss about how I manage and how he thinks I can improve. i would talk directly about the micromanagement issue and what I tried to do to fix it and ask him if this is enough or how you can keep this from being a problem with your remaining subordinates. If he still feels that you are a micromanager, then ask him to directly talk to some of your subordinates. It may take several saying that you are a good person to work for to make up for one guy who decided to ruin your reputation.

Your boss is not a trustworthy person or a competent manager. He took a complaint rather than sending Brent to talk to you and try to work it out. That was the wrong action, it sends the signal that you are not supported by management.

He colluded with his friend concerning whether or not they should hire Brent. That can be illegal as pointed out by @Kevinkline in the comments above

IANAL, but IMO your boss and his friend shouldn't be having these conversations. A bunch of Silicon Valley companies got in trouble for having a tacit non-compete agreement.

He should have stopped the friend before he mentioned a name and told him that who the friend interviewed was none of his business.

Answer 7

First, you should talk to Brent and inform him to come to you first for these types of problems and not your boss. Second, ask your boss to instruct your people to talk to you first and not entertain any complaints. Of course things like sexual harassment or other severe forms of abuse are the exception.

Don't get caught up in a generalized term like micromanage. Ask for specific instances and behaviors. Let Brent suggest alternatives. You never know. It could be the way you phrase something or you're correcting him in front of others. You could another coworker or your boss to be a tie-breaker if you can't agree on your performance. Otherwise, you just have to tell Brent he is wrong and will have to deal with it like everyone else. You can only accommodate one complainer so much.

Since Brent didn't come and talk to you directly, I suspect your other team members are not giving you open and honest answers either.

Brent may be completely off-base as far as you micromanaging goes, but there may be a personal reason he is not willing to divulge. Not wanting to be micromanaged is a more polite and professional description that doesn't make him look like the bad guy.