This is a long read. Sorry.

My office has a selective easy hire easy fire policy. I have a female boss. I am female. I am an asexual, no one knows my sexuality; I tell people at work I have a boyfriend, to keep them off. I am average in every way otherwise. I am an introvert, who speaks only when spoken to.

My workplace is misogynist. I have had three different co workers emotionally and/or sexually harass me. And it involves work meddling.

First guy kept trying to make conversation, chat me up, and look me up and down, for over a minute (slow leer). Upon telling HR, and Boss, nothing was done, except asking me to change places. Issue got worse, and while I was administering a questionnaire, the guy actually said 'love at first sight' to me about a non-romantic office question, and gave some more answers to that effect, prompting his friend to freak out and tell him to shut up. and after I made a second complaint, the guy came up to HR and boss with his boss(male) and both said I'm overthinking, and over doing thing, and I think I'm such hot stuff for nothing. (This lasted 6 months, and I eventually changed my place, as he continued his creep behaviour) [he has a friend, on my team, we'll get to him later]

Second guy was just sleazy. We stayed back late one evening, and he started making conversation; to not be rude, i politely replied. The conversation somehow switched to co-workers and ended up with him suggesting a long drive, and actually holding my hand staring into my eyes. I ran out in a hurry. I didn't make a complaint owing to previous issue. Until he did some more inappropriate stuff, leaning close to my ear and getting breathy(?!!), brushing past me and making contact, etc. I told boss, she asked me to limit contact, and told him to do the same.

Third guy is a guy the boss is fairly partial to. He started off by getting me sweet treats from office free-food section everyday, for a few weeks. I didn't understand, (asexual issues), and chalked it down to friendliness. It turned into an offer for coffee,in exchange for work help,coffee I refused, work I helped. This continued for a few months (happened simultaneously, along incident with first guy). One new exception, the guy started squabbling with me only at team huddles, in front of teammates and boss, (he would lie and say stuff, except he would speak loudly, over me, and even if i had proof, i'd be so befuddled the first few seconds, my late replies were viewed as a sign of my incompetence.) He would lie about stats (boss is somewhat tech challenged), and I would not be able to get stats right away, so he'd talk over me. Later when i would go to her with stats, screenshots, etc, her(boss's) mind is already made up. But he's stil nice outside team huddles(??!!!)So I didn't catch on.

First guy, second guy, third guy are acquaintances, and guys talk, and cover their egos, with stories.

Today, I logged in to find third guy has been logging in on another Id and changing stuff, and then telling second guy and first guy's pa that I'm doing it.

First guy's pal has to update work for me to do, He updates three days later, five days later, and then lies that I did the work late. (crazy excuses when i ask him,on spreedsheet he leaves 200 lines blank and updates after that, five days late, then when I ask, "oh, how did that space get here?" pretending he updated it on time.

I have time stamps, so I showed boss, she asked him, he says he did it only once, she's done. he continues this (it's been two months now).She keeps telling m to update on time. Either she doesn't know how to check time stamps or this is willful 'blindness' to actual issue.

So late info about work, and third guy keeps altering work.

Third guy has a fan following around the office, including boss, co-workers, female co-workers, vp, ceo, cto, coo, HRs.

Please advice. I cannot afford to quit for the next 4 months. But doing my job has become increasingly difficult, and it looks like I'm always giving in stuff late, doing incompetent work. And boss doesn't know how to check time stamps for and site log in details for changes made, or wont do it.

And i may end up in firing line. Which I cannot afford for another 4 months.

  • It may not be easy to change that kind of behaviour against one other person, but it's certainly easier than facing a group (as you seem to describe). You needn't quit your job to look for another one.
    – rath
    Oct 16, 2016 at 20:53
  • 1
    I can't look for another one for a while, I am young, and my resume will look very shaky.
    – Dattebane
    Oct 16, 2016 at 20:56
  • How long have you worked there?
    – keshlam
    Oct 16, 2016 at 22:07
  • 8 months..it's been tough. im kinda in a lower middle class fam...so i need a stable career
    – Dattebane
    Oct 16, 2016 at 22:30
  • 3
    You should probably consult a lawyer about a sexual harassment claim. It sounds like you are being retaliated against for your complaints which is unacceptable, and illegal. I am sorry you have to go through this and hope things work out for you. Oct 16, 2016 at 23:18

2 Answers 2


Look for a new job.

You said in the comments, that you can't look for a new because it will look bad on your resume.

In my opinion, this is often touted, but overly conservative and generally bad advice.

The risks of staying in a job that you don't enjoy are far worse than the pretty vague risks of being seen as a job hopper.

Here's a few things to consider:

  • In a bad job you aren't developing your skills as much as you would be in a better job.
  • A toxic workplace will have a bad effect on your mental state. You may be handling it fine now (or not) - but over time you run the risk of becoming burnt out, and that may take months or years to get over.
  • Finding a new job may take longer than you expect. Finding a new job isn't just a matter of deciding that you want a new job, and then starting a new job. It may take months and several failed interviews before you start a new job. It's better to get practicing now.
  • If you're at the start of your career, potential employers may be more willing to accept that you don't have a requisite skill set, than someone that has >1 year of the wrong experience.

I've been in a similar situation, first job out of university, and I convinced myself to stay, till at least the twelve month mark. From the perspective I am now in, in a new job, I wish I'd left as soon as I figured that the job wasn't a good fit, at about the six month mark.

In interviewing, you can pretty honest about why you're leaving - especially if you're wanting to move to company that prides itself having a gender-egalitarian culture. The key is - to not come across as bitter or having a chip on your shoulder. Rather you can say something like, 'The current job isn't the right cultural fit for me - I'm looking for a company with a more inclusive culture.' - that sounds appealing to a company who wants to develop that culture.

The only alternative - if you wish take that path, is to go scorched earth and hire a lawyer - and do what you can to forcibly hold the company to account for what sounds like pretty severe sexual harassment.

This of course won't make you popular at the company, but if you don't mind being that person - or in fact, that's the kind of thing you want to do for a career - then consider it.

  • 1
    Just to add : the problem with job hopping is when it's frequent. If you have one single short experience, it's usually not a problem. If you have 5 short experience in a row, then there is a problem. It does not seem the case here.
    – gazzz0x2z
    Oct 17, 2016 at 13:32
  • Thanks. I did think about it. You have a proper point I guess.
    – Dattebane
    Oct 19, 2016 at 11:59

Whether or not anyone has a fan following in the company, you can still register a complaint with HR. I suggest this as your next step.

If this happens again, with anyone, you must stand up for yourself in the moment. Remove the hand of anyone touching you and tell them "I prefer we keep this professional, don't put your hands on me". This is clear, to the point and leaves no room for interpretation. If you don't speak up at the time you will not have as much standing when you to go to HR. Just walking away sends mixed messages.

Good luck. I've been there and done that. It may not be fun to deal with however, most situations like this aren't.

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