I am about to hand in my notice after being at my current job for just over 3 years. Through colleagues who have left prior, I am told that all levels of upper management, when discussing your decision, try their hardest to guilt trip you into staying. If you go through with it, they can take it very personally and degrees of petiness ensue.

I feel like I am very impressionable, and could be convinced to stay, even when my new offer is leagues better. How can I handle these talks in a professional manner?

  • How big is your company? Is there an "official" method for submitting notice? If you put it in an email and CC HR it may force the issue. – David K Feb 3 '17 at 19:08
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    Just as a side note: Being susceptible to guilt trips is not uncommon, and can cause problems in many situations, in professional and personal life. Consider some type of counseling or coaching (or just some talking to a good friend) to discuss this - it may serve you well in life. – sleske Feb 3 '17 at 19:13
  • @DavidK Around 150. As far as i'm aware, there is no official method. – CWhizzy Feb 3 '17 at 19:37
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    @CWhizzy: In normal companies, you'd give a letter to HR. And if you think they might try something dodgy (like losing your letter) you ask for a written confirmation that the letter was received. If there is something dodgy and refuse you ask in one or two reliable colleagues as witnesses. It would be highly unusual if that was required. – gnasher729 Feb 4 '17 at 11:27

No matter what is said, its time for you to leave. You have gone far enough as to obtain an offer, so no need to look back or feel guilty.

Say something like:

Thank you for my time here but its time for me to explore this new opportunity. I have enjoyed my time here.

Each time they try to guilt you or any such thing, continue to say

I am flattered by your words, but its time for me to explore this new opportunity.

Kill them with kindness as they say.

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    +1 The answer to a concern about what will happen "when discussing your decision" is to not discuss it. Don't give them any information at all other than polite insistence that you have definitely decided to leave, and date X is your final day. Listen to any speeches they want to make, but it is still time to explore this new opportunity. – Patricia Shanahan Feb 3 '17 at 19:30

To keep reassuring yourself, just remind yourself why you wanted to leave in the first place. Just think of your career goals and how your current role/company is stopping you from achieving these goals.

Take your line manager into a room and state your reasons for leaving to him. Say about how it's not him or the company it's about your personal goals.

The only other thing i'd consider is if they are willing to counter offer you by fixing your real reasons for leaving, this just means that they appreciate you and are willing to fight to keep you. Just don't accept anything your going to regret though. Think of your career 10 years down the line in your current position and see if your happy with the progression. If not you just need to be straight with them and say I've made up my mind after thinking long and hard, but this is the path I want to take, a new challenge will be beneficial to me right now and I appreciate all you have done for me on both a personal and professional level.

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  • Don't state your reasons at all. Say that you are leaving. That's it. If they are going to guilt-trip you, then the rule isn't "don't agree to anything you'll regret", the rule is "don't agree to anything". – gnasher729 Feb 4 '17 at 11:24

I have been to this situation. I think what will help you the most is to stick to your decision, be strong and firm. They would be only able to convince you if they can make you believe that the new job you are getting is not better than one you have (read as you cannot get better than what you have). This is definitely not true. There is always something better than what you have right now. Going to new place always give you opportunity to learn new things, meet new people, broaden your networks and yeah may be more money.

If you have already decided to leave and join a new job, there must have been more than one reasons for it, something which made you decide to leave current, and something which made you to choose the new place. So envision few months from now. If you are still at current place will that problem be solved because of which you decided to leave in the first place?

So be strong and stick to your decision.

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