Any way to explain prosopagnosia & social anxiety to colleagues?

Question

I have prosopagnosia, which is the inability to remember human faces. I can remember people by other traits, such as "blue eyes, tall, bald, has a beard and wears glasses" or "high-pitched voice, British accent, long red hair and a little heavy on the makeup", but I have a terrible time remembering the actual facial traits that make everyone truly unique.

As the consequence of that, I struggle to greet my colleagues whom I met before, which seems to be a culturally correct thing to do, and even if I have a strong suspicion who that person that I'm seeing is, I'm seldom fully certain. More than that, my fear of meeting someone whom I'm supposed to know forces me to avoid eye contact with others to avoid being even more offensive by clearly looking at someone I'm supposed to know and saying nothing, or saying "hi" to a complete stranger. This behaviour is further aggravated by my social anxiety.

These qualities, I feel, make me appear to other colleagues as an introverted and snobbish misanthropic jerk who cares only about themselves.

Any thoughts if there's a way to explain myself to other people?

What do you think would make you understand people like me and not assume I hold any contempt towards you just because I do not say "hi" or look at you and smile whenever we meet?

I was thinking that perhaps I could write a similar PSA-style message in the "casual" chat room where some employees hang out and explain my struggles, but I don't want to be in the focus of everyone's attention, especially since no one has ever asked me why I seemingly ignore everyone.

Answer 1

I think you have two different situations to address that will help make your work environment more comfortable for you.

First - the core group of people that you work with should be informed of the condition and what it impacts regarding how you interact. You may want to share this with your manager or a natural leader on your team and ask them how it should be best shared with the rest of the team.

By doing this, your team will now also be able to stand up for you if people start talking behind your back - and they will very naturally socialize your condition without you having to announce it to the whole company.

Second - for people not in the core group, just smile, be polite and use non-specific language. For example, say "Hey, how are you doing? How are things on the home front?" - instead of - "Hey Bob how are you doing? How are your wife and kids?" In addition, let them lead the conversation - as they talk and bring up topics, it should help trigger your memory regarding who they are.

Answer 2

I have the problems you describe, but to a lesser degree. I will be able to recognise someone after I have encountered them regularly, in situations where I know their name, over a few weeks. I haven't been diagnosed, but my guess is that I either have mild prosopagnosia or am at the low-functioning edge of "normal". Perhaps my experience will help.

I smile at everyone. Partly that's because of my difficulty with faces; I don't want to offend anyone. But partly it's because, as corny as it sounds, smiling makes the world a better place. Whenever someone smiles at me, it makes me feel a little better about my day, and I assume others have the same reaction. Also, I am an introvert; smiling lets others know that I'm not standoffish even though I may not say much.

I am still "caught out" occasionally when people realise that I don't recognise them. While that's a little embarassing for me, the other person never seems to be offended.

You may not feel comfortable smiling at everyone, and I don't think you need to be someone you're not. But many people with prosopagnosia chose to smile at everyone; it's a common coping technique. You might want to give it a try.

Answer 3

Disclaimer: I don't have prosopagnosia myself, but I do have difficulty remembering both names and faces (to a smaller degree).

I feel that the best way to deal with this kind of problem is upfront, i.e. the first time you're introduced to a new person. "I have trouble recognizing faces, so please don't take it personally if I don't recognize you the next time we meet. If you want to talk to me, just say hi."

Personally, I wouldn't use the more technical term unless someone asks about it. While people might have heard the term "face blindness", hardly anyone will recognize "prosopagnosia".

Since you already have been working with your colleagues for a while, you might want to use a casual chatting situation (going to lunch together, hanging out by the coffee machine) to explain your problem. "By the way, I don't know if you noticed, but I'm unable to recognize faces. When I don't greet (any of) you I don't mean to be rude. I simply don't recognize you."

Unfortunately, by now you probably have earned a reputation of being rude and standoffish, but if you explain your handicap often enough, chances are people will be understanding.

Also, depending on how many people are in your office, you could just say hi (or nod or whatever) to everyone you meet as a friendly non-committal greeting, at least when you first arrive in the morning. After that, I don't think I ever greet my colleagues when I pass them in the corridor.

Answer 4

My manager knows that I have this. (In the USA, it is protected under the ADA).

I have told other ppl "I am somewhat face-blind." If asked further, I say "I recognize ppl by their voices, haircuts, and context. So if I see you in a supermarket and don't greet you, you may have to tell me who you are and where I met you."

Treating questions casually helps. Making a big deal out of it doesn't.

Oliver Sacks was also face-blind, so we are in good company.

P.S. Friendliness and a willingness to be a valuable employee go far.

Answer 5

What do you think would make you understand people like me and not assume I hold any contempt towards you just because I do not say "hi" or look at you and smile whenever we meet?

I wouldn't care much whether or not you say "hi" or smile at me. Life is too short to worry about trivial things. I would even go one step further and greet you with "Hi, I am Masked Man." each time.

If I did care about being greeted with a "hi" each time I met someone, I am sure if the person has a condition that prevents him from doing so, then I would understand and not think much of it.

Don't overthink this. Most people are not jerks. Did I just say, life is too short to worry about trivial things? I think so.