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This is not my first job but after 8 months in my relatively new job I'm finally about to leave next week and move on with my career.

I'm working for a French corporate investment bank as a code monkey on a eggshell legacy code with no incentive whatsoever to provide good quality code, a lot of office politics (but AFAIK banks are notorious in that regard) I feel I'm learning almost nothing, I waited for 5 months before giving my resignation just to make sure that well nothing is about to be improved.

I don't like my coworkers nor my job (nothing personal though but professionally-speaking not a big fan either due to some bully attitude that I just cannot stand, borderline teasing which tends to be a sort of raw making fun of others).

In France, once you have passed the 3 months probation period you have to wait for another 3 months notice period before actually leaving the company. However, it seems common to throw a farewell party when leaving. I have attended a couple of them, mostly because someone in my team pushed me to be his wing man in order to let him feel better to just go there for free drinks and food...

I don't particularly enjoy them, giving a speech that nobody cares about, wasting your time eating junk-food with quality wine or champagne, just not my thing.

They are pushing me to throw my own farewell party while I am leaving mostly because of the environment and my work-colleagues and I am seeking for answers about how to address this issue.

I have a couple of options:

  1. I tell them what I really think, cause quite frankly I do have a lot of resentment but it would leave an unnecessary bad memory to them, but at the same time I don't see any of them moving somewhere else after 10 years in the same company. Also it might help them to realize (even though I strongly doubt about it) that some way of doing can be perceived as rude by others
  2. I fake a lot and I refrain myself even more in order to throw a party and thanks everybody for... ending up frustrated
  3. I just tell them, I am sorry I don't feel like it would be honest for me to do that, I don't like it, and then I would be the one being rude, but honest at least
  4. I make up a cheap excuse but I don't really like this option, cause it's too much like a "little" white lie

I'm thinking about option no. 3 but honestly I don't know.

I might sound bitter or really pissed but in my previous company I never had such a feeling of bigotry, my ex-boss was maybe not the best but at least there was a certain sense of unity among the employees without faking and we were all getting along with each other (smaller structure though), no one was judging you because you like or not soccer for tiny little things unlike the company I'm working for here. Also it seems a pretty common trait of the French corporate culture.

[EDIT] How did it actually turn out?

I said no to a farewell party mostly leveraging the fact that I haven't the time (which was more than true back then), I just brought some food (quite a lot) in the morn the day before my last day at work cause some people were actually off on my last day.

I drafted 4 different farewell emails and hence wasted quite some time on that for actually ending up sending nothing and I didn't event leave my contact information (not really proud of that though).

The last moments with my manager were sort of weird, I feel it was still really so insincere and fake, anyway he was already really sarcastic towards me for a couple of months, his borderline jokes were barely funny, at best and humiliating most of the time.

Sometimes, he even got fun stealing my access pass and other things while I was listening others talking during the stand-up /scrums in the morn before giving them back to other teammates (it was just like a bully back in primary school and it was completely normal to them).

The overall thing is just so weird I'd say resulted in a toxic environment in comparison to what I have experienced in other companies. It may be good some for some people but it's not really what I would say "open".

  • 2
    Possible duplicate of How to gracefully decline your own farewell party? – Erik Mar 3 '17 at 23:36
  • @Erik well throwing a party and attending it is a bit different, no? – Ehouarn Perret Mar 3 '17 at 23:37
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    Keep in mind that the farewell party really isn't about you (the person going away). I don't like these things either, but upon realizing that coworkers just want an excuse to go out and have a drink, it really lowers the pressure. All you have to do is say something nice or funny or kind. You'll never know if you'll see these people again so its good to leave them with a positive memory. Not sure what you mean by "throw your own"-- if you have to personally pick up a bill in the 100's of euros, that's too much, I think. – teego1967 Mar 4 '17 at 1:02
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    @teego1967 Sure but it feels actually fake to the extent possible that I am wondering what is the point. If you wanna eat in or out why not just then propose something. Relying solely on farewell parties seems to me a bit and unfair just for the sake of having "fun" which is really relative to one another. To have attended a couple of them it feels people were more bored to attend the event (I would not say the vast majority though). Sometimes it turns out that people were judging and yelling at others openly (drunkenness and cruelty go hand in hand) so it depends... – Ehouarn Perret Mar 4 '17 at 1:23
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    Personally, I have a rule that I will not attend any party with co-workers where there is alcohol. I don't want to see them drunk, I think it can do nothing but reduce my respect for them. I personally don't drink, so I don't enjoy that kind of environment. It also seems really odd that they would expect you to throw/pay for it yourself...a party is usually given FOR the person leaving, not BY him. – bluegreen Mar 13 '17 at 12:24
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I just tell them, I am sorry I don't feel like it would be honest for me to do that, I don't like it, and then I would be the one being rude, but honest at least

Go with this option.

It's clear you care nothing about this company or anyone there.

Since you are leaving after just 8 months (including a 3 month notice) it will be obvious to your employer that you can't wait to get out.

Thus you can't burn any bridges that aren't already aflame and violating social norms won't make it any worse than it is.

Just leave and don't look back.

  • Yup I think this is the most reasonable one without having to struggle with myself. I don't have the feeling that people care much about each other here, it might be the bank environment or the local culture, or both combined, or just me, or a matter of luck, who knows, got previous jobs who were a lot better so just need to move on. Anyway thanks for confirming this option and pointing out that the short duration me holding this position leads to a clear hint about my decision. – Ehouarn Perret Mar 4 '17 at 1:28
  • Is this the best option given cultural differences? Maybe preface your answer with something to that effect – user30031 Mar 4 '17 at 4:20

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