I am a new employee and I have a co worker who recently started shunning me in the break room. I walk in and she acts very quiet. This is not a problem in itself. However when other employees who are friendly with me walk in, she starts to converse with them. I joke around too however the awkward silences are becoming hard to deal with. They only do this when she is around. When she leaves they start talking to me and laughing with me like normal. How should I confront her without appearing as if I am being aggressive towards her?

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    Hello! Your post is a bit of a rant as of now. It's unclear to me why you'd get in trouble for talking to your coworker, or why this other person is going to "tell management" about it. Can you please elaborate? I can't really tell what the question we should be addressing is.
    – AndreiROM
    Mar 7, 2017 at 22:11
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    So you are saying that you have a problem with a co-worker, but can't go to management or the co-worker directly? How do you expect us to help you with that? If you can't communicate with the only two people who could help you out of this situation, there really isn't a solution as it stands now. If this is affecting you as much as you say, then going to management is your only hope. No job is worth being personally shunned and treated poorly.
    – Prodnegel
    Mar 7, 2017 at 23:20
  • Why in the name of all that is civilized would you want to "confront" her? What change in everyone's behavior would you like to being about? Mar 8, 2017 at 1:35
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    No point trying to ask for favours. She doesn't want to talk? Well, greet her politely with a "good morning" when you come and with a "good afternoon" when you leave, and apart from that, treat her as if not present, unless she asks something from you in which you courteously help if possible, with as minimal interaction as possible. Trust me, supreme indifference will likely make the trick, and if it doesn't, you are not missing much anyway. Mar 8, 2017 at 2:04
  • The edit is good in general, but you have rather made it look like none of this is at all your fault, which is not what the original says.
    – AakashM
    Mar 8, 2017 at 8:55

1 Answer 1


Be careful. Don't mistake work for a social club. It is not. You're there to make the company productive, not to make friends. Concentrate on being the best employee you can be rather than the most popular with a woman.

On the other hand, if you suspect you have an offensive behavior, seek out your manager's advice or the advice of HR. Explain to them that you noticed that an employee is not responding to you very well. You're concerned that you may have a personality trait that is not conducive to work. Ask if there is anything you should be doing to get along better with your co-workers.

Women get harassed at work on a regular basis. Be careful you're not being misinterpreted as someone that is striking up a workplace romance. Be professional. Avoid dating co-workers or even giving the impression that you'd like to date them. Focus on being productive.

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