Who should I greet at the office if my greetings are ignored? [closed]

Question

I am working for an IT company and I don't like my current workplace for various reasons.

I greet anyone no matter what and I greet them all politely. This is what I was told to do as a child. Sadly, most of them ignore me. It really hurts me, but I have kept greeting.

However, I am so depressed these days. So, I would like to stop greeting because I don't want to be hurt or depressed anymore. On the other hand, I don't want to be the same as them. I would like to be polite to anyone as a person. If I don't greet, I would be like them.

I come to the office earlier than anybody, and greet to those who pass by my seat. So, I think I never interrupt anyone's jobs because they don't start their tasks.

I am Japanese, grew up in Japan, and working in Japan. I am almost 25years old and youngest at the workplace. My co-workers, most of them are male, and a few female.

What should I do? What is good practice here?

Answer 1

Keep greeting people, don't be a part of the problem. Also, start looking for a new job. If your job makes you unhappy, stooping to the level of your coworkers isn't going to make you happy.

Answer 2

But I greet anyone no matter what

Does it mean every time you enter to your office, you start greeting everyone from entrance until you reach your seat? if yes, that's more like a harassment than a greeting.

Anyways, It really depends. I have the habit of greeting people every time I come across them. and I agree with you that doing so is polite. However, some people aren't like us at all. Especially the introverts and also in some Asian cultures greeting is not as important as it's in the west.

Those that ignores you have no problem with you at all, and they don't mean to ignore you. They are just like that!

My suggestion would be to continue greeting those which gives you a genuine response and forget about the rest.

Answer 3

I'm going to chip in my answer, as I work in IT as well, and occasionally I do get annoyed by people being a bit too "friendly" with their greetings. I won't touch on the depression bit of your question, but rather why people may not want to great you.

If I'm in the office and I'm working and focused on a task, someone coming in and greeting me is not helping me retain that focus. While a quick "hi!" won't go unanswered, people who deliberately go about to shake everyone's hand will be much more annoying in that scenario - I can "register and reply" to your "hi" almost automatically, but when you go around shaking hands, then it's a lot more disruptive. Personally I will always answer a greeting, even a disruptive one, but that doesn't make it less annoying in this scenario.

Again, do note that this for those scenarios when the person being greeted is hard at work and focused on something important.

Another thing, for me personally, is the fact that I'm an introvert. That doesn't mean I can't or won't shake someone's hand, but if possible I'd prefer to keep a greeting quick and verbal. Obviously this sort of preference varies from person to person.

Finally, if you address an entire room of IT people with a "hi guys!"... are you sure everyone even hears you? Perhaps they have headphones on? Headphones on + screen focus = easy to miss someone saying something casually.

Answer 4

I would like to be polite to anyone as a person. If I don't greet, I would be like them.

I think that this is a bit of a stretch.

Just saying "hello" is "polite" on the surface of it, but at the point you've reached — you're doing it so frequently, and without any appreciation for context, that it's annoying people to the extent that they're now ignoring you — you're actually being impolite.

You should consider more than "greeting" or "not greeting". There is a time and a place for every social interaction. If you wish to be polite, consider whether greeting is appropriate before doing so.

You don't always have to say something.

Answer 5

I agree 100% with the answers that are telling you to not change and you should be considering a different environment to work in.

However, I'd like to add that there can be various reasons for people not to greet you back:

• They were zoned out and did simply not hear you.
• They did not notice your greeting (sometimes our brain is slow to react, especially if we're zoned out as pointed out in the first point) and sometimes when people eventually figure it out they feel too embarrassed to shout back a greeting; instead they figure the awkwardness they experience will be less if they pretend to not have heard it. Not for the sake of ignoring you but for not appearing awkward.
• They weren't sure if you were greeting them or someone else.
• Some people greet only by nodding their heads or use other kind of a body language, it's possible that you're being greeted without noticing it yourself.

There's always a chance that people are jerks but the likelihood of many people being jerks at the same place at the same time is low, especially in the workplace where people benefit from at least trying. There's always the chance though.

Consider all the factors and make a decision that will make you feel the most comfortable with.

I'd like to suggest that you try to greet people with a very clear voice and make sure you're not mumbling or whispering, to remove all doubt, you don't need to shout but it's easy to say something without the other person clearly hearing what you're saying. Making eye contact should also help to make sure they notice you in the first place.

I'd also like to suggest that you include their name in the greeting, they are more likely to snap out of the zone when they hear their name and when they're 100% sure you were indeed greeting them they're more likely to respond.If you feel like nothing changes then find yourself a work environment that makes you feel good in.

If you are too shy to include the name then simply don't take it personally when people don't respond, there's a huge chance that it has nothing to do with you, they simply did not hear you or when they figured out you were greeting them they turn out to be too embarrassed to respond as I pointed out earlier. Take a note here though, people love the sound of their name, they'll be more likely to like you when you bother using their name. Get into the habit of using it if other people's opinions matter to you. I'm not saying that it necessarily should, though.

You should definitely seek medical help about the depression, however. It's quite common and it's actually a real biological thing, you've got nothing to hide.

Edit

To me you sound like the perfect candidate to read Dale Carnegie's How to stop worrying and start living. It's an excellent reading, in my opinion, on how to stop worrying about things I cannot control.

It should give you all the answers you need to how to react to the situation you are fearing the most.

I'm going to give away 2 tips from the book that are demonstrated much better in the book so don't give up on the book or the topics if I fail to demonstrate properly:

1. Never expect anything from anyone. An example could be: never expect people to say thanks. People are selfish in their nature and self-oriented, it's nothing personal if they don't say thanks. Never expect it and you'll be oddly satisfied when it will happen, instead of hurt when it doesn't happen. A better example, for your case, would be to never ever expect people to greet you, that way you'll accept it as a normal thing (due to various reasons that simply don't matter) so when it does happen you'll perhaps appreciate the gesture but don't take it for granted. This is demonstrated much better in the book but a potential starting point.

2. Prepare for the worst, accept the worst, for you cannot change it, then hope for the best. Example: let's say you're afraid of losing your job. The worst thing that you think that can possibly happen to you is that you'll lose your job. Can you accept it? Could you survive if you'd lose your job? Either way, accept it. Feel good about it. If you'd lose your job and there'd be nothing you could do about it then there's no reason in worrying about it, for it will drain all of your energy. Once you've accepted the worst possible outcome you can work on doing whatever is in your power to avoid and or prepare for the worst possible outcome. More often than not the worst possible outcome will not come to reality and when it does it will be so much easier to handle once you've accepted it and stress is not a part of it. Stress is pointless if you're being stressed about something you can't possibly change.

This is much better demonstrated in the book, please take a look.

Best of luck, and remember that people are like garbage trucks.

Answer 6

Remember the pattern. Remember who you greeted and instead of them greeting you back, completely ignored you. Then next time don't greet them.

Phase out the greeting of people who continually don't greet you back. Instead focus on those that do greet you and are more welcoming.

This isn't to be rude, it's simply to ensure you don't feel put out. Not everyone greets so don't greet those people.

Some people however are having an off day. They've come into work from being up all night due to one thing or another and are in their own little sleepless world. These people often are not being impolite so don't take offence to them not greeting you back and instead try again tomorrow.

In my workplace I get into work around 08:30 whilst a few others start before that. I get to my office, then go off to grab a coffee which means I have to walk through an open plan office consisting of around 20 people. I don't greet any of these people at that point. I don't even greet the room and yet if I see any of those same people in the kitchen whilst grabbing my coffee I'll greet them. I'll also greet people as we pass each other whilst walking. Notice how I don't greet people when they are at their desks. That's because I deem it inappropriate.

Answer 7

You seem to sound just like me.Even I like meeting and greeting everyone.
But I keep on adding exceptions to list of people to greet.
Everybody has different psychology.And they react differently to different situations.
So treating everybody same might not be a good option.
So I usually mark some people who don't give a positive response to my actions and try to avoid my general behaviour towards them.This way I'm able to maintain a self respect and follow my rules by being good.

Answer 8

Very likely, you feeling hurt or depressed is only for a small part being determined by not being greeted back - there are more important factors.

That also means that not greeting will not solve the issue.

Be the example of who you want to be in the world, and keep greeting. As Benjamin already wrote in his answer, you can vary your tone with different people: either be formal or be friendly.

Answer 9

"Good practice" is extremely culture-dependent. In the office where I work, many people have flexible working times, and anybody who even said "Hi" to their nearest neighbours who were already working when they arrived would be considered a bit strange, unless they needed to interrupt the other person immediately for some work-related reason.

On the other hand, in France you might find that everybody shakes hands with (and/or kisses) everybody else in the office when they arrive, and not doing that would be considered very anti-social!

Answer 10

In my case I look if my greeting will help someone, like if they are also in same mood of greeting, I greet them.

If they are in mood of not greeting, then I also do not greet.

This can be understood by looking at their face :)

Basically you have to respond according to the person, this is service...

While most of the times, I do not want to greet because I am in certain flow and I do not want to break that flow (this might be the reason for people who are in mood of not greeting)