I was hired in this new company 3 weeks ago and by this time, I could notice how people work here, that they don't like to do things in the right way (obviously not everyone), they don't like to listen to opinions, with their ego up there. I'm the type of person that likes to do things right, because I don't need to do this again. I like to give opinions and if I listen to someone doing something wrong, I just say " yes yes, but this can be improved ...", and they think I'm giving orders to them.

As I'm new here, and I really need a job, how can I keep my patience? I really don't want to be one of them, but I need to be more social. There are no fights, by I notice they don't like what is happening.

I'm a SQL Server Database administrator with more than 4 years experience. And what I notice here, is people with less experience (in their respective areas).


Thanks for all replies. I read them all and long story short, I really don't want to "change" everything, but I was hired to fix stuff, and I'm trying to. For example, a backup routine has a fail process, I know how to fix, I can fix, and I made the script to it, but they just, don't care. I say " hey, there's a problem here, can I fix? " and they just, " ah...well leave it this way" and then, get back to youtube or another internet site. And there's a guy who likes to punch people ( HAHA yeah, punch people and call them gay ). In the first time he punched me I just said " dude, no." and then everyone thinks I'm antisocial. He called me gay 5 times with a lot of people around, and then he sair " hey My_Name" I said "Oh hey, can I help"? this is the kind of stuff around here.

There's a response when a guy said " put your headphones ". I thinks this is what i'm going to do. since I need money and a job.

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    Maybe it's in the way you're communicating. You just started with the company and you already want to change everything? How about spending some time getting to know the environment and the people first? That may make them a little more receptive to your ideas. – Roger May 8 '17 at 21:26
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    Not just wanting to change everything, but wanting to because you feel pretty much NOBODY BUT YOU knows anything, at all. If that company is not in its death throes, there's a good chance that your assumptions might not be 100% accurate, and, certainly, you're not going to last long by coming in and basically calling everyone at your job incompetent. – PoloHoleSet May 8 '17 at 21:39
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    It's almost always not what you say, but how you say it. I suspect given the tone here you come across far more demanding than you intend to to your colleagues. You kind of come across as "I know what's right. I'm right, anyone disagreeing is an idiot" in this post -- if you are even close to that in your job, I wouldn't be surprised if your colleagues react that way (particularly from someone on the job only 3 weeks). – enderland May 8 '17 at 22:05
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    I got some good advice on here so I will pass it on; 1. Put on a pair of headphones, crank up the volume and show em how its done. 2. Get a PrivacyDevil so that people don't copy what you do. 3. Build something great and take command. Lead by example and give them a sharp kick up the backside. – R J May 9 '17 at 7:41
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    @Sean I notice that too some minutes ago hahahaha. I will change things up. – Green Baloon May 9 '17 at 14:10

The problem is that everyone does have opinions. I realize that you see that there is a certain way that you do things that you consider "right" but until you have been there a while, even if you are right, nobody's going to listen to you and that's because you haven't earned their respect yet.

You won't earn their respect by coming in and changing things. What you need to do is keep quiet and learn how they do things and that's all. Don't think about changing things until you've been there a few months and then you can start approaching them with suggestions of how to change things.

There is nothing positive that can be gained by you trying to do that right now. They will perceive you as a know-it-all and you'll be stuck with that opinion of you.

Let me say it again. Spend at least 3 months just learning and doing what you're asked and how you're asked to do it. When you see an issue like what you're talking about, write it down in your notebook but keep it to yourself for now. In a few months, start making small suggestions. Start with the easiest to implement and work from there. They don't know you and they don't trust you. You have to earn their trust before they'll even begin to listen to you. Even if you'd been a DBA for 12 years instead of 4, you'd still have to earn their trust before they'd give your opinion the weight you think it deserves.

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    Please let me know what's so bad about my answer that it warrants downvoting so perhaps I may improve upon it. – Chris E May 8 '17 at 22:08
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    I didn't downvote you, but some language in your post can come across as offensive, even if I recognise the Dirty Harry quote. – Captain Emacs May 8 '17 at 22:18
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    @CaptainEmacs Thanks for the feedback, you're probably right. I've edited it accordingly. – Chris E May 8 '17 at 22:20
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    Yeah, you are right. If things here are running "ok" until now, It can wait some months, so I can gain respect and, well, do stuff. – Green Baloon May 9 '17 at 12:34
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    you've got enough of a rep to have your own hate-dom. You're going to get a few grudge-votes here and there. – Old_Lamplighter May 9 '17 at 12:37

As I'm new here, and I really need a job, how can I keep my patience?

With time, you'll learn that there seldom is one "right way" to do things, that you may not have all the answers as to what is "right" and what is not, and that for businesses to run efficiently, they often need to get to "good enough" and then move on.

Over time, you may learn that you can often make changes in a company slowly and that it is sometimes worth the wait. And you'll learn that impatience seldom helps.

Eventually, you'll learn that the only way you can dictate that everyone do things your way (even if you are convinced that your way is the "right" way) is to either work for yourself or run the company. Otherwise, you'll need to compromise.

Try to learn these things as quickly as you can - they will help you keep your patience.

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    This - and avoid saying "this is the wrong way", or even "I think there's a better way", start with "why this way?" - understand the decisions/motivations behind a process before you criticise them. Remember - you may have 4 years experience in your field, but only 3 weeks experience of your company. – HorusKol May 9 '17 at 0:10

I generally agree with the advice to spend some time learning, doing what you are asked to do how you are asked to do it, and establishing yourself before trying to change things.

There is a way to discuss some of your ideas if you don't overdo it. Catch someone when they are not too busy, and ask: "I was wondering why we use X rather than Y in project A?".

If they have not thought of using Y, and it really is significantly better than X, it brings Y to their attention. If X and Y are about equally good, the response may be something like "Y might be a bit better than X for project A, but we picked X because it is also used in project B". If X is better then Y for project A, your colleague may explain the advantages.

This may get you into a discussion of the relative merits of X and Y for that project while avoiding claiming that the one you would use is inherently "right". It may turn out that Y is good enough, was the first way that occurred to them, and any benefit of switching to X is not enough to justify the cost of doing so.

On the bigger question of developing patience, it is very important to get out of the habit of thinking you know "the right way". It may cut you off from learning other ways that would be useful in a given situation, and learning all the considerations that contribute to your colleagues' decisions. It is over 40 years since I was a smart young programmer with four years experience. Most of what I know and understand about programming now was learned since then, and I still have a lot to learn.

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