My manager told me I should feel comfortable about telling him if I want to leave the company. Should I tell him?

Question

I work as a software engineer and have been at my company for almost 3 years now. I have recently started considering other opportunities outside of my current role. There isn't anything particularly wrong with my current role, but I just feel (after being at the company for 2 or so years) that the product doesn't interest me as it used to.

Recently a lot of people have been leaving my company and I believe it's for similar reasons and/or their own reasons for leaving. My company has been through some rough times in the last few years and there was a problem with people leaving the company at one point but it seems to have gotten better (not sure if relevant but could help explain things).

The topic naturally came up in our 1-on-1 about people leaving and he told me that I should feel comfortable letting him know if I want to leave and pursue other opportunities and that he would support whatever decision I made. A part of me feels like I want to tell him I am actively interviewing but at the same time I also don't want to throw myself under scrutiny if I can help it.

Is it common for management and employees to be open about whether they are looking for a new job or not? I guess to be more clear, if you are close to your manager, is it better to be open about the topic? To be clear, I feel I have decent relations with my current manager (not bad, but there are times where I have openly disagreed with him on things). I ask this question because given the number of people leaving, I wonder if he simply tells me this so he can find out if people are leaving within his team and if it would be professional or within my best interest to let him know.

EDIT: To clarify a common question people have been asking is what benefit do I foresee I will be getting by telling him? Not sure if my thought process was naive, but I thought that if my current boss supported me he could potentially give me a recommendation, as awkward as that might be, since he has a strong understanding of what I do. I've asked previous managers I have had to give me recommendations but those were jobs during school and the expectations were clear that the job was just temporary. Hope that helps clarify things.

Answer 1

First, there do in fact exist managers who will not fire you just because they think you might want to leave the company, and who will not withhold plum assignments or otherwise mistreat you either. I am such a manager, for example. When I had people who were growing faster than I could help, I didn't blame them for wanting something I couldn't give them. Say you're ready to be a team lead but I don't have a leaderless team to put under you. I'm not going to go hire more people to get you that team; I can't afford it. But I'm not going to begrudge you wanting to have that opportunity. I have offered to give a reference to someone who applied for a position I thought they were great for, and who told me about it in advance. I've also recommended a former employee (who quit) for a role at a client, years later.

BUT -- I am indistinguishable from a manager who would make this claim but in fact is lying. So I recommend you answer the question a little differently than it was asked. Some examples:

While I'm not looking for a new job, I am looking for some new opportunities in this job. I'd really like to [start leading projects, do more architecture, be on call less often, have more flexible hours, whatever]

Or

Well, if someone contacted me out of the blue right now with a great offer I might be a little more vulnerable to it than I would have been a year ago. I'm glad we're talking about this; perhaps there are some changes we could make here that could get my comfort level back where it was.

Don't talk about what you might do or why you might leave. Talk about what you want in a job. This manager may be able to give you that. Or be able to look you in the eye and say "we are never going to be able to give you that" -- and you know what that means. There is possibly some upside to saying what you want. There is absolutely no upside ever to saying that you will leave if you can't have it, or that you are already looking elsewhere. Even if you have me for a boss.

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But didn't I say you can tell me? If you come to me and say "I think I am ready to X" and I can't offer you that, and you later tell me you're applying to be an X elsewhere, that is not the same as "if you don't give me X I am leaving". Don't give anyone ultimatums.

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But, and this is key, you require precision. Not a vague discomfort or wish for something newer, more fun, more interesting. What tasks do you want to stop or start doing? Do you want to be on a different project? To have more responsibilities? To learn a different language or platform or framework? To attend more conferences, take more courses, interact with customers more? Your manager has started this conversation but if your only contribution is going to be "well not this because I'm kind of fed up and bored" then your wishes cannot possibly be granted. And in that circumstance, confirming that you might have one foot out of the door may have cost you dearly -- for no benefit. The only way this conversation is worth having if is there's a possible benefit. That can only come from knowing what you want rather than what you don't want any more.

Answer 2

In the strongest possible terms, NO!

Management is NOT your friend and having "decent" relations with your manager does not make him so.

You gain nothing by revealing your intentions and have your job to lose if you do. Do not lie, but do not reveal your hand.

Say "thank you" and "I'm not thinking of leaving". Of course, you won't be thinking of leaving until you have an offer in hand. While this could be a friendly reaching out to you, it could also be them asking if they should go looking for your replacement.

The bad news for you is that once they find your replacement, they will not hesitate in getting rid of someone who has told them that he does not want to be there.

Answer 3

From personal experience, I would argue for YES.

I am a senior software developer with 13 years of experience. I have always told my employers when I started looking for a new job, as a matter of personal principle. I have never had any negative repercussions from doing this.

Benefits to your employer include:

• Having time to start looking for a replacement.
• Starting handover processes early.
• The understanding that long-term tasks should probably not be assigned.

Personal benefits include:

• I conduct myself with integrity according to my personal principles of being honest and open.
• I leave on really good terms.
• I can be open about taking calls, and taking leave to go for interviews.
• I leave the project in a good state.

I don't disagree that the safe answer is not to tell your employer, but it's not always ethical or professional to do the safe thing. Engineers have professional codes of ethics and conduct, and can lose their engineering licenses for breaking those codes, rather than just their job if their employer asks them to do something unethical. Programmers generally don't have such professional codes (aside from the ACM's), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't hold yourself to a higher standard. (NOTE: As KRyan observed, there's nothing in the ACM or other engineering codes that requires you to give extra notice, but I personally consider it professional to be open about my intentions to my employers.)

I also recommend against using this as a negotiating tactic. I ask for raises at my reviews. If my employer doesn't feel I'm worth paying more, I simply start looking for other opportunities, and I don't hold it against them. It is your responsibility to look after your career development and remuneration, not your employer's.

An employer will generally* not give you notice before firing you, and you shouldn't expect them to. I don't feel that should change how I behave. It's not a personal relationship, so I don't expect any loyalty, and I'm not doing this out of loyalty. I'm doing it because it's professional.

*Note that employers in some countries (like South Africa) are legally obliged to put you on a performance improvement process first if they are firing you for performance, and at least two companies I've been at have openly talked about the need to reduce staff before starting any retrenchment process. These things are cultural, and I don't expect this will be true everywhere.

EDIT: As Sebastian pointed out, he got great references, got into interviews because previous colleagues recommended him, and was even invited once or twice to work at new places by ex-bosses. I think that those are significant benefits. I also like his idea of getting a written agreement if you're looking at a long-term job search.

Answer 4

A big NOOOOOO! would be the official answer.

I just created an account to answer that question, because I feel you need to know how management reacts in this kind of situation.

Once they identified an employee as a "risk", they will interview candidates to replace him (or her).

The correct way to handle this would be to announce your leave AFTER you found something else.

think of it this way: would your employer tever tell you "We are actively looking to replace you because you don't satisfay our needs anymore." ? I don't think so. They would rather inform you that they found someone else, hand you a 2 weeks notice's check and politely ask you to leave with your box of personal stuff.

This is how the game is played. I've been in your position and decided to tell my employer, thinking he would give me a raise or modify my working contract to suit my changing needs... oh boy, was I young and naive. He found someone before I had time to get another job. Didn't give me a warning or a heads-up... "Thank you for your time, and we wish you good luck in your future projects".

Only if you are very close to your employer, like a cousin or a brother, you could maybe risk talking about that kind of things... but otherwise, keep your interactions professional and your intentions (and emotions) to yourself.

Answer 5

The answer is no. It should be fair, when your manager wants to fire you, nobody will tell you:

We are trying to fire you. Please be prepared.

Then why should you give a notice to the company? It will never work well, and you gain absolutely nothing by speaking about your intention.

Answer 6

I think the safe answer is no like others said but everybody have their own life guideline.

Depending of your relation with your boss, the company culture, how fast you want to leave, how if the market for your job and how is your finance if they fire you immediately. And be sure you really want to leave the company because there is no come back, no possibility to get a promotion, etc.

Often, employer do not have any gain to fire you on the spot. I heard story about people fired on spot for security reason and whatever, so it can happen. Personally, I do not understand the logic behind this because you are already a trained and skilled employee. The more time you spent with your employer, the more they gain. Depending of the time your want to leave, you boss can manage his project in consequence like assigning to you stories that required more training and keep the easy stuff for your replacement.

My relation with two of my boss became personal after 3-4 years of works. I told them in advance that I wanted to leave, we agreed to something like:

• I wait for them to find a new candidate
• We train the new guy and validate he can do the job
• The employer give me the time I need to find a job that I like

The first time, I exited after 3 months and it took 8 months the second time.

I have great reference, I was surprised how many time somebody getting part of an interview know somebody I worked with in the past. And sometime, I have a call from a previous boss offering me a job at his new workplace.

If you decide to talk to your boss, I recommend you to agree something on paper with maximum deadline, like employer have 12 months to find somebody, you have 12 months to find a new job, etc. I cross the path of a few guys that negotiated their exit by a salary increase like +25% the time they do not change job. So it is not common but it can be done with mutual benefits.

In conclusion, what is the vibe with your boss? How do you feel? Are you prepared of the worst case? What is your project state? Is there a presentation a big employer customer soon?

Good luck!

Answer 7

If

• You are secure about your employability, that is if you get fired it's no big deal, and
• if wish to keep personal contact to the boss after you've left, and
• want to give impression of trustworthiness, and
• are otherwise comfortable discussing about your reasons (because that will come up), and
• could see yourself coming back to the company later,

then I think yes, it is worth the risk to tell.

But realize that it is a risk. It may get you fired sooner than you want, it may get the boss to hate you, it may make the remaining time in current job painful.

If you are willing to take those risks, then go for it. Of course don't reveal everything, especially I'd definitely keep the next company explicitly secret until I had my name in their paper with set date. Keeping this secret removes the small but real risk of your current boss calling them and telling bad things about you.

Answer 8

From my (admittedly limited) personal experience, you shouldn't feel compelled to tell your boss about it.

I had a great working and personal relationship with my previous manager, but really didn't feel like taking any risks with the president of the startup I was in. While I knew I could absolutely trust my manager, I also knew he couldn't just keep this to himself, and would have had to report it. So I kept it from him until I actually had to give him my resignation letter.

It was a shock for him, but he understood, and we kept close contact even after I moved. We're actually going to a concert together this summer.

While this is not be a proper answer to the question "should I tell my manager that I'm looking to quit", I feel it addresses the social aspect of the question.

Answer 9

Context is important.

Recently a lot of people have been leaving my company and I believe it's for similar reasons and/or their own reasons for leaving.

That sounds like the manager is really anxious to loose yet another (hopefully competent) employee. As the other answers already hint at, their motivations could be anything between two extremes:

• They want to be prepared in time to replace yet another loss (and once they found it, your "considering leaving" becomes "being let go")
• They want to avoid you (and maybe also others) leaving, and thus need to understand why recently many left maybe without giving helpful feedback.

In either case you could start with something like "I guess you're wondering why many others left recently? I don't know their motivations, but to be honest there are things that could be improved."

I feel the product doesn't interest me as it used to.

The manager might not be able to perceive this, from you or anyone else. There might be a more constructive way to put this (as in, maybe the product needs improvement, since a lack of interest by the developers might correlate to a lack of interest by customers), or at least more details. If you state it like that, yes, you could as well say "Yes, I am considering leaving, and there's not much you can do about it". Just make sure you don't make it sound like blackmailing!

The question is, is there anything they can do about this? If they are trying to improve the whole situation of many employees leaving, this can become a very productive discussion which results in your job transforms into something enjoyable again. If they just want to gauge whether you also need to be replaced soon, well, you did already start considering other opportunities.

The important thing is, have a constructive discussion about it, and not a mere "Yes, I am" which leaves the manager to their own (probably harmful) conclusions.

Answer 10

Other answers bring a lot of relevant and important points already. However, I don't believe that this question has one universal answer that is correct for any situation. The most important question here is who has the leverage?

You mentioned that you're software engineer; from personal experience, as well from general knowledge, I see that software engineers, above a certain skill level, are in situation where the employee is more valuable to employer than vice versa. In other words, if I would quit right now (for whatever reason), I would find a new job quite easier and sooner than it would take my company to find replacement.

Therefore (given that this assumption is correct about your situation), the threat of you leaving the company (either voluntarily or being fired) is not a threat to you, but a threat to the company - and more importantly, this manager himself. So, admitting that this is indeed a possibility skewes negotiation in your favour. And since there're actually things that you're unhappy with and would want to re-negotiate, revealing this information to your manager looks like the right course of action.

Answer 11

The correct is to not answer the question.

This way your employer is worried about you leaving but can't sure when or if you will start looking. So you answer like this :

Why would look elsewhere? (rhetorically) Are you concerned about that? You know you can make me finding a new job more difficult by upping my salary requirements. (Big Grin)

Answer 12

I agree with those advising not to reveal your hand. And I write as a manager. But here's a little extra perspective.

Managers are human too, just like you. Their better, logical selves may want and aspire to being impartial and open. But they still have an emotional, less logical part of their brain (the limbic system and brain stem) that's more susceptible to human foibles and prejudice. And it's that less logical part that can easily spring into life and take control when they're under any kind of stress (say, from pressure from their own boss, tiredness or even trouble at home).

Now it could well be that your boss's intentions are true and fair when he tells you that you won't suffer any repercussions if you're open about wanting to leave. But that's his better, aspirational self speaking. Open up and you'll plant a seed of doubt that will germinate and start to grown. Deep down, in his less logical moments, he may start to think of you as disloyal or dispensable – even if he does so subconsciously.

Such judgements may be relative, made only in comparison with other employees. But when he needs to let someone go, they'll count against you all the same.

Answer 13

There are a lot of good answers here, I'll add that once you say "yes", your advancement at that company ends.

Why would they promote you or send you to training? You're just going to leave. You'd probably spend some time documenting your responsibilities so your departure doesn't cause undue harm. And you thought the job was boring before!

Of course, the reason you are leaving could mitigate this. The OP is simply bored. That's won't cut it. But I knew a guy who told the boss he was looking because he was in dire financial straits. He had been laid-off and unemployed for a few years; he took the low-paying job because he was in danger of losing his house. After a couple of years, he told the boss he wanted an adjustment to get him near his pre-layoff salary. He was a good employee but was still completely strapped for cash. Understandable.

Answer 14

I know this question is old and a lot of great answers have been posted. However, as the OP, I want to post my experience with this since I do have the experience to back it and I thought it would be relevant and might surprise some people.

Just an FYI update, I have changed jobs since then. I took the advice and didn't tell my manager. Things went up and down and I've had a couple of managers since this question was asked. My tech lead at the time got promoted to manager and someone else on the team got chosen as tech lead. My new manager and I were pretty close but I still didn't tell him I was thinking of leaving.

I really think the advice I got in the answers hit home -- I talked about what I was looking for with him but was honest with myself if I felt I could find those things in my current company, regardless if my manager felt I could find those things. Some of the things that really made me realize I wanted to leave was I wasn't learning anything new. A lot of the things I wanted to learn (new technologies, etc) were taking so long to move to and I estimated it would take a few years before we were there. Also the company outlook wasn't great. While I didn't let that affect me, it definitely was something I was conscientious about for a long time. I thought about all the problems I saw the company have X years back and thought how many of them were identified as problems and if any of them were solved. Many of those problems are still around.

I got the best of all the things -- I pushed hard to study on my own after work and was slow but smart about interviews, but I still worked hard at my goals within the company and I inevitably did move up. A career goal of mine was to become a tech lead and by the time I was leaving, I hit that (I was offered the tech lead position right after the other tech lead left) which timed pretty well and may have even helped me get my new job (hearing that I was now a tech lead definitely raised some brows).

When I gave my notice, it was a tough one and he was honest with me. He was bummed but was happy for me. He told me the other tech lead was honest with him about looking around and during their 1-on-1s, he would give him test interview questions which was draining (also explained sometimes why he was absent and my manager didn't say anything). Part of me wishes I told him earlier (might have made some things easier) but another part of me is still glad I didn't. If I told him, I don't know if I would have gotten my raises or my promotions and I'm also happy I spent those 1-on-1s focused on my career growth because I feel a lot of those discussions will carry over into my new job.

At my new company, they mentioned something similar -- managers are supportive of your career and the workshop leader mentioned he had someone who was looking to leave so he said after he couldn't find something in the company, he would interview them during 1-on-1s and give strong referrals if they ever needed it.

Interestingly in my new team at my new job, my manager told me he suspects someone on the team is looking for a new job and he wanted me to pick up some of the projects he is working on. I can tell he holds some resentment towards them. I'm not sure if he told him honestly he was looking if it would help him but I also think him not telling him and working half as hard is making the resentment worse.

It's hard for me to say based on my experience if it's a good idea to tell your manager. I feel it really depends on your manager but good managers will support you and your career (worth looking for a good manager if you can). Personally, I feel they are best at supporting your career within the company. If you really need that extra support when you're looking around, I would say consider saying something if you're close to your manager.

Hope this helps someone. Thank you for all your answers.

Answer 15

There are already many good answers there but I can't help share my own stories. I manage a team around 10 engineers, the job for them isn't quite exciting per se. So people come and go (if you are interested in why the job is not interesting, you can check my other question here How can I manage my team to maintain a reasonable productivity when my employer doesn't treat employees well?)

I have always make it clear to my reports that it is quite normal if they decide to quit and I will feel happy if you can honestly tell me that you have learned something in my team and you do become a "better version" of yourself during this time (I do mean that). So it happened more than once that one of my favorite members just came to me, telling me they wanted to quit. I know they wanted something I can't give and my employer can't give either. I like to see my members have a higher bar for themselves and I feel happy they can just tell me.

It happened once that a member told me she had decided to quit and was doing some interviews recently so if she had asked a half day off that was because she was doing an interview so "cover for me if necessary" (I didn't make it up). I feel that it is a sign I am a "good" manager. Of course people won't always tell you that, check my another story What should I do if I have sensed my guy wants to quit and I don't intend to keep him too?

But I also dare to say many mangers don't handle this well. This also happened in my company that 2 developers didn't get along well with each other for a while. One thought she was more qualified for the job because she had a master degree and 2 more years experience. But she went too far to tell her manager that there was a company asked her to join them (and her manager told me). I guess she wanted her manager to value her more but it was a rather immature way to do that. And guess what, when my employer started a round of layoff she was the one to go, not the other person because her manager thought she was unstable! She had a very hard time to accept it, why me, why not the other one!

So it is very important to think about what you want to achieve when you tell your boss and what he/she will react. For my guys I believe one of reasons is to tell me don't assign any long term task for me (and even "cover for me").

But for me I will never tell me current employer I want to quit even though I know my boss for a long time and I consider him as a friend. Because it is business, it is not about friendship. If I tell my boss I want to quit there is no gain for me at all, only the damage.

So a short answer will be NO don't tell your boss unless you do have a healthy relationship and you know what he/she may react.

Answer 16

I have been on both sides of the question.

As an employee: In the early 1990s I worked for a defense contractor. The defense business was shrinking. I had known my boss for six years at that time, and he assured me that as long as he was employed, I would be too. Rather than making the weak overture that you relate, my boss suggested more:

• He said that I might not enjoy the work for the next few years. He said that if would like to look around, the next year might be a good time to search.
• He added that he would support my search by ensuring I could go to conferences, present papers, and raise my profile -- always something of a concern for those of us in the defense industry at the time.

It worked. I found a job with a big Silicon Valley company, and I moved on happily and on good terms. My boss had the advantage of knowing that I was one of the people who was willing to leave, and it saved him a layoff decision.

I have long felt that supervisors who say only "I have an open door," or "You can talk to me about anything," are taking the easy and low road --- it requires nothing of them except to say a few words. Something concrete should be offered before you accept the offer and run your mouth into career suicide.

As a manager: Time passed, and I found myself on the other side. I encouraged everyone who worked for me (engineers and later other managers) to let me know if they were getting what they needed from their employment. I went around and asked, and I asked much more often than the review cycle, or the monthly / quarterly / yearly 1-on-1.

My feeling as a manager is that the hardest thing to deal with is sudden unavailability. I had one employee die of a heart attack at 39. I have had others quit with no warning. Any information is welcome to a serious manager, even when it is an email that says "I need a day off" instead of calling in sick at 8:30am with no explanation. (Note: I do realize people become ill suddenly.)

Generally: I have found people are either essentially honest or they are essentially dishonest. If you have a good reason to believe your manager is in the first category, then you can both benefit by your being consistently honest, also. If not, be cautious.

Answer 17

Nice guys finish last. The 'best' manager probably makes his people feel like they can tell him anything which he can then use to maximize company profit while ditching the trusting employee like a hamburger wrapper. The old saying is "Every good manager has a little bit of bastard in him." The one's that don't usually don't last long. Being an employee sensitive manager is the kiss of death for the most part. The owner placed him in a managerial role to make the owner money, not make the employees happy. One of the burdens of nice guys is honesty, they hate not being forthcoming because they like thinking of themselves as dependable and trustworthy and someone others can count on. That's a good ideology to maintain with friends but your boss, I'm assuming, was your boss before he became an amicable acquaintance. That means you have a business relationship first, and thus, don't owe him a window into your soul. You don't have to feel like you must unburden yourself of any selfish career desires like you might with your wife if you felt guilty about an inappropriate attraction to another female. The employment contract likely wasn't for a term 'till death do us part'.

Managers are managers because owners promise them more stuff in exchange for loyalty. That means they are expected to operate in the companies best interest and since paying unnecessary salaries isn't in the companies best interest, they try not to pay more than they have to and minimize the damage done by mutiny by throwing people overboard first. There are companies that treat their employees more like friends but they usually enjoy some particular advantage that allow them to relax their paranoia, like having a lot of money to burn. Most don't.

So, the honest business answer is: I wouldn't be honest if I said I don't pay attention to the job market occassionally. I think everybody keeps up with the market if they want to survive. But I'm not pursuing anything specific right now. That doesn't mean that I might not be tempted by some particularly attractive offer if one were to present itself but I would let you know if something like that did pop up and I thought it might be a real possibility. I know you need time to shop for replacements so I would certainly extend you that courtesy since you've been so fair with me. But given my current mindset, I don't think that's something you need to worry about anytime soon, if ever. If things change though, I'll be sure to let you know.

I also like Sebastien DErrico's suggestion if the relationship is close enough to make it feasable. The hard part is figuring out what they think of you. You may think they're great but if they think you're just another lemming then suggesting an amicable way to make everybody happy might just be extra complications they don't want to bother with. It's kind of like suggesting to your wife that counseling might be beneficial for both when the marriage isn't working when all she really wants to do is screw the mailman and send you packing. You can project your civility onto them and assume them to be as nice and caring as you but if they aren't, and most in a superior position aren't, then you might be surprised with a termination if you suggest an everybody win's approach to your leaving. On the other hand, I think that would be ideal if it's feasible because it leaves the bridges intact.