Working together for years, little issues here and there. We never had team meetings until recently like an year ago.

I noticed let say 6 months ago, my manager doesn't look at me at all while in meetings even when there are less then 6 people there.

In 1 to 1 meetings it's fine, but when it's team meetings regardless of if I am talking or not, they just won't make eye contact with me or even pretend to look at me.

This makes me feel like they don't want to listen to me, what should I do?

Not just that, they would seem to be very comfortable with other colleagues like have jokes with them but very formal with me. When I ask about any issues they say I am doing great.

I don't feel like asking "Why don't you look at me in meetings" that's like me begging for attention, or am I thinking wrong?


I should had added the types of meetings I had been referencing to,

  • Daily 15 minutes meeting where we say what we did yesterday and what we will do today

  • 2 weeks meeting where we get work for next sprint and say what we did in previous one

  • Future briefing meetings - Where the manager only talks.

Edit 2

It's not that manager doesn't look at anyone or if it's one off. This is a recurring behavior and directed only towards me.

They don't even look at me when directing me to do some task or name me MOST OF THE TIME but not always.

  • 5
    "Why don't you look at me" sounds like begging for attention; "You seem to avoid looking at me in meetings, it makes me feel like I'm not being heard, what is going on with that?" sounds like there's an actual problem that you'd like addressed.
    – Erik
    Jul 4, 2017 at 8:49
  • 1
    Do they look at others? Because some (mild) forms of autism can show like this. While the people learn to look at others in a direct situation (1:1), it can be harder in a group. For others it's the other way round, but I definitely know two people where this is the case.
    – skymningen
    Jul 4, 2017 at 9:29
  • @skymningen yes they look at others without constantly so I rule that out Jul 4, 2017 at 9:45
  • This is just off the wall thought, but is it possible you talk too much during the meetings? I have seen this technique used as a passive aggressive cue to let people know they should stop talking. Jul 4, 2017 at 10:26
  • Yes, it could be autism related. It could also be that you're a boring speaker and drone on and on about stuff. It could also be gender/culture related. This is a difficult question. There are so many potential answers. If your meetings are too long, you could try to have a daily standup meeting. martinfowler.com/articles/itsNotJustStandingUp.html If you want to learn different strategies for public speaking, I'd suggest you join a Toastmasters public speaking club toastmasters.org/find-a-club (just don't join the first one you visit, they all vary in size and quality). Jul 4, 2017 at 10:30

2 Answers 2


Instead of "Why don't you look at me in meetings", you should put the focus on you instead of him. Something like

I noticed that lately you´ve been paying less attention to me than others, maybe its something about me that is bothering you. Is there anything I can do to improve this situation?

  • This is a great answer. Correct, don't use the (somewhat bizarre) "looking at me" language. Say exactly what gnsanty says.
    – Fattie
    Jul 4, 2017 at 14:30

I would phrase it in the light in which you are noticing it. The issue is you are comparing the treatment of other employees to the treatment you are receiving. There are two parts to this, 1 is the factual circumstances/communications and 2 is the perception and feelings you are left with because of these circumstances/communications.

State the facts as an observation:

  • I notice that during meetings you seem to make eye contact with those who are speaking and when you are speaking you look at each person alternately.
  • I also noticed that you do not look at me in this fashion, but only the other people in the room.

State your perception/feelings as well as how you wish it to change:

  • I perceive that I am exclude from the eye contact which seems standard to meeting etiquette which leaves me feeling excluded or like there is something wrong with me as an employee/person.

  • I wish to know if there is something that causes me to not represent the same way as other employees or if there is something specific I have done to make you feel uncomfortable in maintaining the same treatment as other employees during meetings?

This addresses the full situation and leaves all speculation and guess work out. Especially if there are multiple genders or nationalities involved this will just point out that the boss is treating you differently in case they didn't know and bring their attention to the matter in order to rectify it.

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