I have been working for 8 months as an software developer intern in a small startup, my first job after graduating from Uni. I would say I had a rough start since I didn't find a good motivation the first couple of months but after switching tasks started to improve my work and motivation, I discussed this with my superiors and they agreed.
After that the company got some more people, senior developers, I was the youngest and rookiest always. And felt a little overwhelmed by my output compared to theirs. But my superiors still reassured me on my good job.
Now along these months there have been small situations between me and some of my superiors, nothing serious and we sit to talk and resolve it. I would consider them my friends outside of work too.
The problem is that sometimes I feel like that even though they want to apply cool company policies (work whenever you feel like, SCRUM, open discussion, horizontal organization structure...) I can't take part of them.
Some situations that make me feel like this are:
Getting a "you will be receiving a package today" notification early in the morning, asking to work remote a couple of hours, and not being forbidden to do so but getting a answer that makes me feel like a did wrong on asking. I would think this was because I notified with no advance, but other colleagues have instances of doing the same and I didn't feel like there ever was a problem with them.
Trying to explain a problem and being cut off before finishing, while I was stating the current situation so they had some context and didn't even began to explain the real problem I was encountered even.
Pulling long days and sometimes I don't feel that they recognized, I think my record is from 9 to 20 or 21 without lunch, because testing the product a day before release, pretty big bugs pop up and have to track them down and/or solve.
Just yesterday there was another instance of the previous point. Prepare release, test, big problem, all afternoon trying to find out what was the bug, 4 of us working on it for hours, nobody was sure the reason why it was happening, at 20 30 2 of my colleagues left because of appointments, remaining my superior and me, I too had appointments but was able to delay them indefinitely, was doubting between canceling them or just postponing a couple of hours. At 21 30 I left and I was asked if I couldn't stay longer. A little after I left I got a message from my superior asking if I had plans, when I answered yes, he asked me to come today a little bit earlier to the office (8 am), I did not answer because I was at a concert, no reception and when I finished went straight to sleep, today at 8 I arrived at the office and was the only one there, my boss probably pulled an all nighter, and I understand, but there was no message stating how things ended up, no message that noticed me that he won't showing up until late.
Something that happens quite often is that even though I can choose my own hours I find myself delaying or cancelling plans with friends because of work.
I know that the company is promising and if everything goes good in the short term in can be a pretty big thing, with people I can learn a lot from too. But I'm not sure if this compensates for the pressure I feel sometimes and not being sure what they expect of me, I have been told explicitly that "I don't have to pull ass many hours as them, that's not what interests them" But every time I leave with some unfinished task or in a situation like yesterday I don't feel like that statement is true.
Even though at first I was pretty sure I would like to stay in this company I'm not sure anymore. I think that some of this problems are caused because of my inexperience and being unsure on what I should expect from myself and from the company. I would like to hear some advice from people that has had more or similar experiences?
Edit: One thing I can read in the comments is that I should just take my time and leave or finish when my day is finished if I want to, another problem for me is that I can't quite enjoy the rest of my day if there's a pressing issue that needs to be done and because something unexpected happened(which happens more often than not) the goals and release dates can't be met.