As the title suggests, I have a fairly severe problem with being yelled at. When it happens, I enter a state that makes it difficult to work. My mind doesn't feel like it's quite there, I have a harder time keeping my thoughts together, I experience a kind of "dis-associative" feeling. I begin to think very irrationally. This lasts much longer than I would like--it severely hurts my productivity for 2-3 days, and it takes time afterwards to fully get over it. Perhaps 1-2 weeks to fully recover.
For this particular incident, I've also noticed that I've become afraid of my boss. Even though I don't think he'd ever hit me (for multiple reasons), I still feel myself tensing up when he gets near. I don't feel safe at work anymore, especially around him, even though this particular incident only lasted a few seconds. The senior developer that he yelled at with me (it was a mistake we'd made together) seemed to be fine.
I often have intense feelings of self-loathing over this quality about myself, but I don't know how to get rid of it. It's something I developed in childhood (it was just tumultuous). This is the first time it's come up in my professional life, so I will be exploring ways to get over this--online resources, perhaps even mental healthcare of some kind.
For the sake of this question, I would like to assume that it's something that won't go away. I would also like to stress that this is a very specific issue. I don't have problems being criticized--I actively seek out criticism, as I want to improve professionally. I don't enter these states when being yelled at by strangers.
I don't fully understand what's needed to make me enter these states, but it's been very specific in my experience. It has to be someone I trust and am close with (in this case, it was my direct-report boss that I've known over a year). It's not just verbal chastisement--it's high volume, hand gestures, and so on. Intense anger being expressed directly at me (or at least when I perceive it that way).
I am currently in school, and will graduate soon with a Computer Science degree (I have a pretty good GPA). I have been doing a paid internship internship at my company for the past year on and off, a total of about 8 months of experience. They'll give me a job offer after I graduate, barring extreme organizational/budget changes.
Overall, my boss is pleased with my performance--the yelling incident was due to a mistake I made that several other people in the development team made (I'm not excusing my mistake, just providing background), and my boss just "blew his lid" at the number of times he was dealing with this mistake, rather than me specifically (it was the first time I'd made this mistake).
1) How common is it for bosses to yell at their employees?
I can understand a boss yelling for repeated, simple mistakes or open defiance (even though I don't condone this). I try my best to keep my boss happy, not stir up trouble, do what I'm told. I try to understate my qualifications and abilities on my resume and during interviews, so that I won't have any trouble meeting expectations.
2) If yelling isn't ubiquitous in the workplace, how can I screen companies/managers to avoid working at a place where this is considered acceptable?
I'll be job searching before I graduate.
3) Is there a good way to communicate my special aversion to yelling to my boss?
Is there a way to gauge his response ahead of time? He's (culturally, not politically) conservative, and I'm afraid of coming off as a whiny millennial intern. I don't know how to communicate how big of a deal this is for me without pulling out sob stories from my childhood. Most importantly, I don't want to accept a job offer if this will continue to happen.