Yesterday I found out my ex girlfriend and her mentor she had an affair with might become consultants helping out on my teams project.

She used to be a pretty toxic person and I found some forum posts by him (posted under a pseudonym) where he posted raging answers, indicated that he works on personal projects during billed hours and says things like "it's great, you don't have to work, you get paid, and no one really can blame you for your work not being done in time".

I'm not sure I'd be able to stay professional here, and, based on the type of person she was, I'm also worried that she will be more focused on ruining my reputation than doing her job. I feel biased due to my previous contact to them both. They don't know yet that its me they might soon be working with.

My goal is it to simply inform my superiors about what I found out and the fact that there is a bias that might cause problems. But I want to do this without appearing unprofessional nor making the impression that I want to influence the managements decision in my favor, because that's not what I'm aiming for. I just know her and know that she probably won't stay professional. If I'm wrong, all is fine for me.

Would it be appropriate to inform my superior, who is involved in contracting the consultants and hope they believe my judgment and what I researched?

If so, how should I inform them? Should I show them his posts? This would require to disclose my previous contact with him, to definitely verify that the person having done the posts is the person we contracted.

  • 5
    The 4th option is posting your findings on here on stack exchange, having the guy recognize himself from your post, and having to deal with the fallout after you've made a potentially bad situation even worse.
    – user44108
    Aug 16, 2017 at 6:30
  • @Pete: I first had in mind to prevent that posting this annonymously, but asked my self then why should I care? I really don't get why that would be my problem. But please help me udnerstanding why this would make it worse.
    – Zaibis
    Aug 16, 2017 at 6:33
  • @Zaibis It's kind of obvious. Put yourself in the place of either of these two contractors and then read your question again from their perspective. Would you want to work with you after you posted this?
    – user44108
    Aug 16, 2017 at 6:36
  • 1
    So just to clarify, you 1. don't want to be assigned to work with them, and 2. don't think they should be given the job at all? I think the first is very reasonable to request without needing to reveal your research (that's what had reminded me of the question I linked). For the second, I defer to the answer section :)
    – user812786
    Aug 16, 2017 at 14:12
  • 1
    i can't imagine how. a bad relationship between a contractor and an employee is bad for the company. if for some reason the situation is unavoidable, i'd find a way for the employee to stay out of the way. on the other side, if i was a contracting company, and one of my employees had a bad relationship with an employee from the client, i would consider this a red flag and either terminate the project or find a way to not have this employee work on it. the difficulty is of course to judge how bad it really is. the employee coming to me might exaggerate, so it depends how much i trust them.
    – eMBee
    Aug 18, 2017 at 7:25

1 Answer 1


If you have experience that indicates having these contractors working with you would be negative, cost your organisation more than appropriate, or cause questions around their conduct, then yes, you should notify.

I would suggest your personal experience with her is a significant issue, so raising this early is important. Even if you just let your boss know that you would find it very difficult to work with them as she had an affair and then left you for the other person.

As to the online information, you don't need to say that this was the result of a long investigation. You could just point out that his public postings online indicate his work ethic and conduct are not appropriate.

Do this sooner rather than later, though, otherwise your boss may have significantly invested in them coming on board...

  • This is the answer I was hoping for. But since my OP received serveral downvotes, I assume there are probably other opinions around. And since I'm not searching for confirmation in first point but for help figuring out the possible side-effect consequences of my options, I will wait some time before accepting an answer.
    – Zaibis
    Aug 16, 2017 at 13:30
  • 1
    @Zaibis make sure you have the evidence of poor work ethic to hand though...
    – numenor
    Aug 17, 2017 at 13:02

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