A team member and I recently worked on a small part of a pretty big (and high profile) issue. This person looked up relevant details on the prod website and I looked up relevant details on the database. We each only have portion of the access. I came up with most of the theories on what is happening and why. Database is not well developed yet so we don't have full visibility into what is happening.

After we were done, I said "Hey when you meet with the dev team, let me know. I'd love to join." and the response was "Yeah sure. I was going to fwd the invite to you anyway". There was a meeting the next day and I was not invited, nor was I CC'ed in any of the emails that were exchanged between the person and the team. I don't expect there to be any follow up meetings regarding this.

I have worked in this company for a month. This person has been with the company for many years. They changed the team less than a month back and I imagine that they can contribute to this a little less than I can because background isn't security. The dev team and this person have no previous established relationship. Other than this one task, I have not worked with this person before so I don't know this person's work style.

I don't want to come across as paranoid and insecure but I also don't want to be left out of important meetings this early in my time with the company. Should I be concerned that I am intentionally being left out? Or just assume ignorance until proven otherwise because this is the first time?

Edit: I have been invited to meetings where future project requirements are being discussed. I take the role of sitting in a corner, being confused and making notes of questions to look up or ask later. This would be the first time I might've made a contribution because I worked on the issue being discussed.

  • Why do you think your presence at the meeting would have benefited the company? Sep 13, 2017 at 22:37
  • Two reasons: 1. Short Term: I bring a more security focused skillset than my peer, and this was a security issue. Explaining what can be done without reducing security would be easier. 2. Long Term: I do not have a clue about most of the processes right now. This meeting could've helped me figure out the process a little better, thus being a better employee.
    – Jo Bennet
    Sep 13, 2017 at 22:41
  • 2
    Point 1 might be a reason to attend. Point 2 is a strong reason not to attend. Being in meeting where everyone already knows something is one of the worst ways of learning. You either keep quiet and stay confused, or ask questions and waste a lot of time. Learn processes on your own or working with one other person. Sep 13, 2017 at 22:44
  • "I let this person know in no uncertain terms that I want to be invited" -- I meant that I was clear on my ask to be in the meeting - it was not convoluted in the way that sometimes messages tend to get lost in the verbiage.
    – Jo Bennet
    Sep 13, 2017 at 22:59
  • 1
    Maybe you could just say "weren't you supposed to forward me that meeting invite?" and see the response.
    – Brandin
    Sep 14, 2017 at 13:58

2 Answers 2


Should I be concerned that I am intentionally being left out? Or just assume ignorance until proven otherwise because this is the first time?

Why don't you ask your coworker? It may not be wise to assume such things without asking first. Maybe when you asks he will say "Oh, yes we forgot to tell you, sorry, next time we will", or provide an explanation why you were not invited.

Also, If this is the first time it happens I would not worry much. Specially you say you have been there for just a month, as someone who just entered the company is usually not on top of the list for those important meetings (as they most probably don't know yet the ways of the company or still have to learn about this and previous projects). Maybe when you work your way a bit there you will start being called for the important meetings, so don't be discouraged by this.

  • Imagine you don't ask your co-worker, then next time (s)he might think "I can promise that new guy/girl whatever I want, in case I don't comply (s)he doesn't have the bullocks even to ask for it, so I can bounce him/her around just as I want.". If, however, you kindly ask your co-worker "Hey, can I ask you something about that meeting yesterday? I thought that you'd forward me an invitation but I didn't receive anything. Did something go wrong?", then your co-worker will know next time you're to be taken seriously.
    – Dominique
    Sep 14, 2017 at 8:58
  • @Dominique you're assuming malice, chances are the co-worker simply forgot.
    – Cronax
    Sep 14, 2017 at 9:03
  • 1
    @Cronax: just the contrary: the co-worker might have forgotten about it, but just by friendly reminding him/her you might prevent malice in future.
    – Dominique
    Sep 14, 2017 at 9:06

I have worked in this company for a month

I let this person know in no uncertain terms that I want to be invited

This... just isn't how it works. Someone who has been with a company for a month doesn't get to mandate to other people about how involved they should be. It's a great way to build immediate dislike.

Step one should be talking to your coworker. I suspect, if you did anything close to "letting this person know in no uncertain terms" and that person is an engineer, they took it poorly. I would ask them, "hey what is the followup on the issue from yesterday?" and go from there.

Second step is... lose the attitude. You might even benefit from apologizing to them if that comes up, because I know in most organizations, that will stick with you negatively as the "new guy."

Should I be concerned that I am intentionally being left out? Or just assume ignorance until proven otherwise because this is the first time?

No. You should not be, there are all manner of potential possibilities for why you weren't included. For all you know the coworker asked their boss about the issue and they setup the meeting or specified the list of attendees.

If in fact the issue was significant and required immediate triage, would someone unfamiliar with everything internal to this company really benefit that conversation?

You should be concerned that your presumptuous attitude will negatively affect relationships going forward however.

  • Edited the question. When I wrote it here, it sounded presumptuous. I don't think it came across that way at the time to the co-worker. This person IM'd me the highlights from the meeting and that is how I know the meeting happened.
    – Jo Bennet
    Sep 13, 2017 at 22:57
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    @JoBennet "Yeah sure. I was going to fwd the invite to you anyway" doesnt really sound like a response to: "I'd love to join." It does sound like the response I would give the the presumptuous insistence of an invite though. You may not have intended to sound presumptuous but it may have come across that way. Sep 14, 2017 at 0:29

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