Questions tagged [relationships]

Questions related to personal relationships in a work context.

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616
votes
20answers
146k views

How should I deal with an employee who has slept with my wife?

I'm the owner of a business with about 30-40 employees. Recently, I found out that one of my employees has been having an affair with my wife. The employee has worked for me for four years. I felt ...
214
votes
15answers
35k views

Is it unprofessional to car share?

To save some money, my colleague and I decided to start car sharing to and from work. Our workplace operates a flexible working policy between 7 and 7 and we often come in early and leave early to ...
177
votes
12answers
27k views

Colleague commenting negatively on my look

I'm a man in his 20s working in a research center in one European university and I'm wearing a longer beard and completely shaved hair (my uni doesn't have any dress-code or something like that). ...
153
votes
17answers
37k views

Is it inappropriate to invite all my coworkers except for one person to a private event?

I work in a fairly small department, I have 8 coworkers. 7 of them are great, we're good friends, and I love spending time with them - we hang out outside of work often, but usually in groups of 3-4. ...
133
votes
18answers
42k views

My previous employer has asked me to fix a bug in code that I wrote for them

My previous employer wants me to fix a bug in the code I wrote while I was working for them. Should I provide assistance to them—on contract (paid) or for free—despite the fact I am no longer working ...
131
votes
15answers
27k views

How can I stop being badgered for "leaving early" without hurting my co-worker relationships?

I currently work in a corporate environment where the majority of the company works typical hours of 8:30 AM - 5 PM. Many employees vary work hours based on personal obligations, however often ...
131
votes
10answers
17k views

Do I need to be arrogant to get ahead? [closed]

A colleague of mine is very good at PR and branding himself and does this by communicating to the whole world his successes no matter how small they are. He does this in a very arrogant way, by making ...
118
votes
10answers
33k views

Dating a Former Employee

I'm a senior, C level executive at a relatively small company (~75 employees). A while ago, I became very close to a direct report. We began spending more time together outside of work; first in ...
116
votes
6answers
17k views

Is there a way to NOT participate in office politics and still be successful?

The question pretty much speaks for itself. I am a hard worker, very productive, and usually the one everyone turns to when they have a problem. However, I work in a privately owned company, and ...
113
votes
8answers
38k views

High performing employee broke up with his girlfriend and it seems to be affecting his performance

One of my best employees has recently broken up with his girlfriend (3 weeks ago) and it's now starting to affect his work performance. I have tried to ask him what is wrong but he does not want to ...
110
votes
7answers
28k views

How do you tell a friend they are not qualified when asked to recommend them for a job in your company?

An old colleague asked me to recommend him for a job in my company. I'm hesitant because when we worked at the same company, he didn't have the best reputation. He constantly missed deadlines, never ...
107
votes
12answers
31k views

Dealing with attraction to my boss [closed]

I'm a recent college grad who finally got my first real programming job. For better or for worse, I am extremely attracted to my boss and have quickly developed feelings for her. This seemed awesome ...
98
votes
9answers
27k views

How to convince new employee to stop trying to change our office culture on profanity

Programmers and clients alike will use the F word very casually in my office (IT in rural Australia). It's not an insult but only acts as a qualifier to how difficult (or easy) the situation or ...
94
votes
7answers
31k views

Co-worker knows a small fact about me and blowing it out of proportion

Background I work on a small team of junior developers. We have meetings 2-3 times a week. This was my first real job after school and I struggled to find work, because I didn't have years of ...
90
votes
18answers
27k views

A friend/coworker and his wife are employed at the same company. He found out she's cheating. What to do?

Full context: I've been at my job for about a year and have formed close bonds with a number of people, including my coworker "Josh". A new position opened up recently that Josh's spouse, "Jessica", ...
88
votes
9answers
26k views

A coworker is asking me to stop sharing links from Bloomberg because he thinks it risks our business. Is he right?

I work in a tech company and we recently joined an incubator along with many other companies. We use slack for communication purposes. I shared a link from an article in Bloomberg's website in the #...
88
votes
9answers
21k views

How to fix a weird relationship at work

I got hired around 6 months ago. But I started to have a difficult relationship with my mentor from the first weeks. He got interested in me and tried to get close to me and I rejected him for two ...
86
votes
7answers
14k views

How do I evaluate a manager I have a negative opinion of?

I am part of a team of 5 software development engineers in a large multinational company. Last week there was a screw up. A customer escalation came in on Monday, my manager was specifically tagged in ...
84
votes
7answers
19k views

Coworker trying to play matchmaker. How to politely and professionally defuse?

I am a recently hired young lady, and a coworker of mine is a young man a few years older than me. We sit relatively close by to each other in the office, close enough to turn around and have a ...
83
votes
7answers
26k views

Senior colleague feels threatened by me, an intern

I've been living a quite bizarre and pretty depressing situation the last few months. I'm currently interning as a financial engineer, and to make it short and blunt and without being too arrogant, ...
79
votes
7answers
24k views

How can I handle a co-worker who is infatuated with me but denies it?

I'm a female programmer. I work at a very small company on a small team with two other developers and a project manager. I befriended one of my coworkers and we hung out a few times outside of work....
78
votes
15answers
28k views

Friend wants my recommendation but I don't want to give it to him

I met my friend in my first year of college (Computer Science), so I can tell that I know how well he works and how knowledgeable he is. He's a good friend, we chat occasionally, meet up to have ...
76
votes
13answers
27k views

How can I react professionally to sarcasm by my manager?

My manager sometimes uses sarcasm. I do not know how to react to that. An example from today: Him: Did you implement this all alone? Me: No, I used code found on the internet as a model. Him: What a ...
75
votes
7answers
11k views

Remote worker, minimal feedback, how to avoid fearing for my job every day?

I am an application specialist working for a small startup from the West Coast in the US. I am working remotely from the UK. In my team we all code and work with customers, and I think I was hired ...
72
votes
10answers
21k views

Coworker reviewing code too late in process

Over the summer I changed jobs from a big company as a senior engineer to a way smaller company as a principal engineer. Now I oversee about 20 jr-to-mid-level engineers working on 3 different ...
71
votes
7answers
13k views

How can I help my direct report to understand he is not being micromanaged?

A couple of weeks ago one of my direct reports (we'll call him Brent) went to my boss to complain that I am micromanaging him. When I heard the accusation, I was flabbergasted, since I don't see ...
70
votes
4answers
19k views

Coworker screwed up side-job I hired him for

I have a co-worker who does car maintenance on the side. After getting a positive recommendation from other co-workers, I hired him to repair the A/C on my vehicle. He screwed up in two ways. ...
68
votes
6answers
13k views

How to act when coworker brings an infant to visit the office?

It's happened several times at several offices that someone brings their baby into work. It's a social thing where the manager wants people to see his baby and introduce his wife to the office. ...
68
votes
3answers
12k views

How do I resign when I know my employer will lose a big client when I leave?

I'm in a tricky position. I don't enjoy where I'm working and I've been offered another opportunity. Unfortunately, I know the current client that I'm consulting for isn't on good terms with my ...
55
votes
6answers
32k views

How can I stop a flirting co-worker without damaging our professional relationship?

There is a co-worker that is being way overly friendly with me. Nothing that would really be deemed unprofessional, and I am not offended in any way, but it is just that little notch beyond what a ...
55
votes
8answers
10k views

Since my boss find out my hobby, our relationship worsened, how to improve it?

I'm working as a developer/database admin and, until a few days ago, everything was great working with my boss (workload was fine, we trusted each other, meetings were shorts and constructive, ...
54
votes
11answers
10k views

Should money be paid as a motivation to testers and developers for detecting and producing bugs?

I read an idea for increasing productivity in a company. It went like this: Have a certain fund that will be a bonus. Say $100,000. For each tangible bug found, the testers get paid $5 - $15. ...
53
votes
7answers
21k views

How to reclaim personal item I've lent to the office without burning bridges?

We had a company issued service mobile phone to be used for emergencies and office related texts and calls. 5 months ago our supervisor's personal mobile phone got damaged and he decided to use the ...
53
votes
5answers
7k views

Can I pursue romantic relations with a client if our project is completed?

A friend of mine works as a management consultant. On a previous project she was working closely with a Fortune 500 client's team. One of the team members and her had chemistry, but they maintained ...
52
votes
16answers
11k views

How to do code reviews to people whose programming skills are weak?

I am a developer and I was recently promoted so I am doing significantly more code reviews now. Part of that includes doing code reviews on Github with people who are either not very competent or lack ...
48
votes
14answers
49k views

Why are romantic relationships with someone who works under you discouraged?

I run a small company and am wondering what the consequences are of starting up a romantic relationship with one of my employees, and how it will affect my business and relationship with other ...
48
votes
7answers
2k views

Customer (small non-profit social services organization) doesn't like the term "business logic"

I've been hired to do contract programming work for a small non-profit social services organization. In the initial meeting, I used the phrase "business logic" and my contact at the non-profit became ...
43
votes
6answers
10k views

What should I do when the boss "pulls rank" to get their problems solved over our customers' problems?

My boss and I were reviewing items in a bug fix list. One of the bugs was relatively low priority: the program is rarely used in the way that produces the bug, and there is a work around which avoids ...
42
votes
3answers
14k views

How do you break off a friendship with a coworker?

Reputation will stick with you more closely in a workplace setting. If I get the reputation as being difficult to work with then advancing or moving laterally in my organization will be extremely ...
42
votes
4answers
8k views

I will soon become the manager of a close friend. How do I be an effective manager and friend?

A close friend of mine will soon be moving into my department. We see each other outside of work and our significant others both work together at a different institution. I want to be an effective ...
40
votes
3answers
8k views

Is it appropriate for my manager to give me an expensive item for free?

My manager showed me a (relatively) new smartphone. I estimate it to be 1-2 years old. It's used, and he said it was a company phone that has been replaced. He asked if I want it, because my own ...
40
votes
3answers
8k views

How to deal with co-workers that hate each other

I am the sole R&D person in a pretty outdated company. I do a very broad set of engineering tasks in order to improve QC, from failure analysis to automatic systems development. In order to ...
37
votes
10answers
24k views

HR trying to sabotage my wife's work because we're married [closed]

TLDR; My wife got a 1 month trial as a product manager and tester for a new product I'm directly designing and developing. HR hates the fact that we're married and is trying to seat her separate from ...
37
votes
8answers
33k views

What is an appropriate response to the death of a coworker's loved one?

My coworker's father passed away. The following day, an employee from HR sent out an office-wide email with the obituary and viewing details with the coworker's permission, and started a fund for a ...
35
votes
4answers
6k views

Is it appropriate to tell my coworker my mom passed away?

This week my mom passed away from cancer. I have told my boss and he has given me time off. I'm in a telecommute position and so I am not in the same office as my coworkers. I'm a private person and ...
34
votes
4answers
15k views

My boss doesn't want me to have a side project [closed]

It all started back in February when I decided to start an e-commerce store. When my boss learned about it, he started talking less and less to me. Some days he doesn't talk to me at all, like he ...
34
votes
6answers
9k views

How to deal with a coworker that told you about the position and now feels he/she owns you?

I am currently working on a company I found through a compatriot who is currently my coworker, and I get the feeling that he is acting as if he owned me because he told me about the position the ...
32
votes
7answers
36k views

How to deal with a colleague who mocks me

A member of the team I work with is a guy who considers himself "super-smart". He makes snide remarks to me for no specific reason. I have not previously had any such problems with others, so I can't ...
32
votes
4answers
3k views

Is it unprofessional to pursue personal relationships with site users?

As a community manager for a large internet company, I interact with our users (and moderators!) on a fairly consistent basis. In fact, I often spend large swaths of my day in the main moderator ...
31
votes
10answers
7k views

How to come out gay without jeopardising relationships with colleagues?

I have a friend who is openly gay, but the team does not know. The team refers to his partner as his girlfriend. This has been going on for a while, and it is now too awkward to go back and disclose ...

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