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Questions tagged [relationships]

Questions related to personal relationships in a work context.

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625 votes
20 answers
158k views

How should I deal with an employee who has slept with my wife?

I'm the owner of a business with about 30-40 employees. Recently, I found out that one of my employees has been having an affair with my wife. The employee has worked for me for four years. I felt ...
219 votes
15 answers
37k views

Is it unprofessional to car share?

To save some money, my colleague and I decided to start car sharing to and from work. Our workplace operates a flexible working policy between 7 and 7 and we often come in early and leave early to ...
andtodd's user avatar
  • 2,061
180 votes
12 answers
29k views

Colleague commenting negatively on my look

I'm a man in his 20s working in a research center in one European university and I'm wearing a longer beard and completely shaved hair (my uni doesn't have any dress-code or something like that). ...
Eenoku's user avatar
  • 1,233
154 votes
17 answers
40k views

Is it inappropriate to invite all my coworkers except for one person to a private event?

I work in a fairly small department, I have 8 coworkers. 7 of them are great, we're good friends, and I love spending time with them - we hang out outside of work often, but usually in groups of 3-4. ...
synthesis's user avatar
  • 905
136 votes
18 answers
44k views

My previous employer has asked me to fix a bug in code that I wrote for them

My previous employer wants me to fix a bug in the code I wrote while I was working for them. Should I provide assistance to them—on contract (paid) or for free—despite the fact I am no longer working ...
James Dean's user avatar
  • 1,021
133 votes
15 answers
30k views

How can I stop being badgered for "leaving early" without hurting my co-worker relationships?

I currently work in a corporate environment where the majority of the company works typical hours of 8:30 AM - 5 PM. Many employees vary work hours based on personal obligations, however often ...
BlueBird's user avatar
  • 1,413
130 votes
10 answers
17k views

Do I need to be arrogant to get ahead? [closed]

A colleague of mine is very good at PR and branding himself and does this by communicating to the whole world his successes no matter how small they are. He does this in a very arrogant way, by making ...
bobo2000's user avatar
  • 12k
120 votes
10 answers
40k views

Dating a Former Employee

I'm a senior, C level executive at a relatively small company (~75 employees). A while ago, I became very close to a direct report. We began spending more time together outside of work; first in ...
Rustler 's user avatar
115 votes
6 answers
18k views

Is there a way to NOT participate in office politics and still be successful?

The question pretty much speaks for itself. I am a hard worker, very productive, and usually the one everyone turns to when they have a problem. However, I work in a privately owned company, and ...
Bardicer's user avatar
  • 1,309
114 votes
8 answers
40k views

High performing employee broke up with his girlfriend and it seems to be affecting his performance

One of my best employees has recently broken up with his girlfriend (3 weeks ago) and it's now starting to affect his work performance. I have tried to ask him what is wrong but he does not want to ...
Michael Victor's user avatar
114 votes
7 answers
29k views

How do you tell a friend they are not qualified when asked to recommend them for a job in your company?

An old colleague asked me to recommend him for a job in my company. I'm hesitant because when we worked at the same company, he didn't have the best reputation. He constantly missed deadlines, never ...
ExCoworkerDrama's user avatar
110 votes
12 answers
33k views

Dealing with attraction to my boss [closed]

I'm a recent college grad who finally got my first real programming job. For better or for worse, I am extremely attracted to my boss and have quickly developed feelings for her. This seemed awesome ...
Rikkerts's user avatar
  • 659
101 votes
9 answers
28k views

How to convince new employee to stop trying to change our office culture on profanity

Programmers and clients alike will use the F word very casually in my office (IT in rural Australia). It's not an insult but only acts as a qualifier to how difficult (or easy) the situation or ...
happybuddha's user avatar
  • 7,531
94 votes
7 answers
31k views

Co-worker knows a small fact about me and blowing it out of proportion

Background I work on a small team of junior developers. We have meetings 2-3 times a week. This was my first real job after school and I struggled to find work, because I didn't have years of ...
user avatar
90 votes
18 answers
28k views

A friend/coworker and his wife are employed at the same company. He found out she's cheating. What to do?

Full context: I've been at my job for about a year and have formed close bonds with a number of people, including my coworker "Josh". A new position opened up recently that Josh's spouse, "Jessica", ...
AnonymouslyUpset's user avatar
89 votes
9 answers
22k views

How to fix a weird relationship at work

I got hired around 6 months ago. But I started to have a difficult relationship with my mentor from the first weeks. He got interested in me and tried to get close to me and I rejected him for two ...
Ms improving's user avatar
86 votes
8 answers
26k views

A coworker is asking me to stop sharing links from Bloomberg because he thinks it risks our business. Is he right?

I work in a tech company and we recently joined an incubator along with many other companies. We use slack for communication purposes. I shared a link from an article in Bloomberg's website in the #...
Andres Root's user avatar
86 votes
7 answers
28k views

Senior colleague feels threatened by me, an intern

I've been living a quite bizarre and pretty depressing situation the last few months. I'm currently interning as a financial engineer, and to make it short and blunt and without being too arrogant, ...
user avatar
85 votes
7 answers
14k views

How do I evaluate a manager I have a negative opinion of?

I am part of a team of 5 software development engineers in a large multinational company. Last week there was a screw up. A customer escalation came in on Monday, my manager was specifically tagged in ...
gzMGsTsF9Bop's user avatar
84 votes
7 answers
21k views

Coworker trying to play matchmaker. How to politely and professionally defuse?

I am a recently hired young lady, and a coworker of mine is a young man a few years older than me. We sit relatively close by to each other in the office, close enough to turn around and have a ...
Struggling's user avatar
  • 1,105
77 votes
15 answers
32k views

Friend wants my recommendation but I don't want to give it to him

I met my friend in my first year of college (Computer Science), so I can tell that I know how well he works and how knowledgeable he is. He's a good friend, we chat occasionally, meet up to have ...
Bino's user avatar
  • 631
77 votes
7 answers
25k views

How can I handle a co-worker who is infatuated with me but denies it?

I'm a female programmer. I work at a very small company on a small team with two other developers and a project manager. I befriended one of my coworkers and we hung out a few times outside of work....
user17647's user avatar
  • 875
76 votes
7 answers
12k views

Remote worker, minimal feedback, how to avoid fearing for my job every day?

I am an application specialist working for a small startup from the West Coast in the US. I am working remotely from the UK. In my team we all code and work with customers, and I think I was hired ...
user57201's user avatar
  • 1,481
75 votes
13 answers
30k views

How can I react professionally to sarcasm by my manager?

My manager sometimes uses sarcasm. I do not know how to react to that. An example from today: Him: Did you implement this all alone? Me: No, I used code found on the internet as a model. Him: What a ...
Astariul's user avatar
  • 728
74 votes
7 answers
18k views

How can I help my direct report to understand he is not being micromanaged?

A couple of weeks ago one of my direct reports (we'll call him Brent) went to my boss to complain that I am micromanaging him. When I heard the accusation, I was flabbergasted, since I don't see ...
Lumberjack's user avatar
  • 7,848
72 votes
10 answers
22k views

Coworker reviewing code too late in process

Over the summer I changed jobs from a big company as a senior engineer to a way smaller company as a principal engineer. Now I oversee about 20 jr-to-mid-level engineers working on 3 different ...
Henrik Rosseau's user avatar
68 votes
4 answers
19k views

Coworker screwed up side-job I hired him for

I have a co-worker who does car maintenance on the side. After getting a positive recommendation from other co-workers, I hired him to repair the A/C on my vehicle. He screwed up in two ways. ...
Kevin's user avatar
  • 6,240
68 votes
6 answers
13k views

How to act when coworker brings an infant to visit the office?

It's happened several times at several offices that someone brings their baby into work. It's a social thing where the manager wants people to see his baby and introduce his wife to the office. ...
bobby's user avatar
  • 1,934
68 votes
3 answers
13k views

How do I resign when I know my employer will lose a big client when I leave?

I'm in a tricky position. I don't enjoy where I'm working and I've been offered another opportunity. Unfortunately, I know the current client that I'm consulting for isn't on good terms with my ...
Michael A's user avatar
  • 3,819
57 votes
6 answers
36k views

How can I stop a flirting co-worker without damaging our professional relationship?

There is a co-worker that is being way overly friendly with me. Nothing that would really be deemed unprofessional, and I am not offended in any way, but it is just that little notch beyond what a ...
MrFox's user avatar
  • 14.5k
56 votes
8 answers
11k views

Since my boss find out my hobby, our relationship worsened, how to improve it?

I'm working as a developer/database admin and, until a few days ago, everything was great working with my boss (workload was fine, we trusted each other, meetings were shorts and constructive, ...
TontonVelu's user avatar
54 votes
11 answers
10k views

Should money be paid as a motivation to testers and developers for detecting and producing bugs?

I read an idea for increasing productivity in a company. It went like this: Have a certain fund that will be a bonus. Say $100,000. For each tangible bug found, the testers get paid $5 - $15. ...
Tobi Alafin's user avatar
54 votes
5 answers
9k views

Can I pursue romantic relations with a client if our project is completed?

A friend of mine works as a management consultant. On a previous project she was working closely with a Fortune 500 client's team. One of the team members and her had chemistry, but they maintained ...
Aarthi's user avatar
  • 2,229
53 votes
7 answers
22k views

How to reclaim personal item I've lent to the office without burning bridges?

We had a company issued service mobile phone to be used for emergencies and office related texts and calls. 5 months ago our supervisor's personal mobile phone got damaged and he decided to use the ...
threeFatCat's user avatar
53 votes
16 answers
13k views

How to do code reviews to people whose programming skills are weak?

I am a developer and I was recently promoted so I am doing significantly more code reviews now. Part of that includes doing code reviews on Github with people who are either not very competent or lack ...
jhcoates's user avatar
  • 423
49 votes
7 answers
2k views

Customer (small non-profit social services organization) doesn't like the term "business logic"

I've been hired to do contract programming work for a small non-profit social services organization. In the initial meeting, I used the phrase "business logic" and my contact at the non-profit became ...
Ed Plunkett's user avatar
  • 1,614
47 votes
14 answers
52k views

Why are romantic relationships with someone who works under you discouraged?

I run a small company and am wondering what the consequences are of starting up a romantic relationship with one of my employees, and how it will affect my business and relationship with other ...
Dave M's user avatar
  • 603
43 votes
6 answers
10k views

What should I do when the boss "pulls rank" to get their problems solved over our customers' problems?

My boss and I were reviewing items in a bug fix list. One of the bugs was relatively low priority: the program is rarely used in the way that produces the bug, and there is a work around which avoids ...
GreenMatt's user avatar
  • 21.4k
42 votes
3 answers
14k views

How do you break off a friendship with a coworker?

Reputation will stick with you more closely in a workplace setting. If I get the reputation as being difficult to work with then advancing or moving laterally in my organization will be extremely ...
jon30016's user avatar
  • 445
42 votes
4 answers
9k views

I will soon become the manager of a close friend. How do I be an effective manager and friend?

A close friend of mine will soon be moving into my department. We see each other outside of work and our significant others both work together at a different institution. I want to be an effective ...
Justin Helgerson's user avatar
40 votes
3 answers
8k views

Is it appropriate for my manager to give me an expensive item for free?

My manager showed me a (relatively) new smartphone. I estimate it to be 1-2 years old. It's used, and he said it was a company phone that has been replaced. He asked if I want it, because my own ...
George T's user avatar
  • 879
39 votes
3 answers
9k views

How to deal with co-workers that hate each other

I am the sole R&D person in a pretty outdated company. I do a very broad set of engineering tasks in order to improve QC, from failure analysis to automatic systems development. In order to ...
Caterpillaraoz's user avatar
36 votes
10 answers
24k views

HR trying to sabotage my wife's work because we're married [closed]

TLDR; My wife got a 1 month trial as a product manager and tester for a new product I'm directly designing and developing. HR hates the fact that we're married and is trying to seat her separate from ...
Workplace Meh's user avatar
36 votes
7 answers
11k views

How to politely get out of a carpooling situation as the car owner [closed]

I found myself in a developing carpooling situation as a daily driver. My colleague approached me the other day and asked if I could drop him off. He doesn't live far away from me and doesn't expect ...
Guarneer's user avatar
  • 892
36 votes
6 answers
10k views

How to deal with a coworker that told you about the position and now feels he/she owns you?

I am currently working on a company I found through a compatriot who is currently my coworker, and I get the feeling that he is acting as if he owned me because he told me about the position the ...
Savir's user avatar
  • 363
36 votes
8 answers
44k views

What is an appropriate response to the death of a coworker's loved one?

My coworker's father passed away. The following day, an employee from HR sent out an office-wide email with the obituary and viewing details with the coworker's permission, and started a fund for a ...
MackM's user avatar
  • 1,163
35 votes
4 answers
9k views

Is it appropriate to tell my coworker my mom passed away?

This week my mom passed away from cancer. I have told my boss and he has given me time off. I'm in a telecommute position and so I am not in the same office as my coworkers. I'm a private person and ...
user avatar
34 votes
4 answers
15k views

My boss doesn't want me to have a side project [closed]

It all started back in February when I decided to start an e-commerce store. When my boss learned about it, he started talking less and less to me. Some days he doesn't talk to me at all, like he ...
Anas Latique's user avatar
34 votes
7 answers
39k views

How to deal with a colleague who mocks me

A member of the team I work with is a guy who considers himself "super-smart". He makes snide remarks to me for no specific reason. I have not previously had any such problems with others, so I can't ...
py_script's user avatar
  • 533
32 votes
4 answers
4k views

Is it unprofessional to pursue personal relationships with site users?

As a community manager for a large internet company, I interact with our users (and moderators!) on a fairly consistent basis. In fact, I often spend large swaths of my day in the main moderator ...
Aarthi's user avatar
  • 2,229

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