>"It's not like they'll simply 'email' me a counter - they'll want to know why I'm leaving, whether there's something they could do to try and keep me here, etc. There's a lot of discussion that they'd want to have before doing a counter offer, and the point of my question is that I want to find a non-rude way of asking them not to waste their time on that."

Here's your resignation letter,

>"Dear team,
>
>I am hereby resigning from the position of [Current position] at [Company]. My final full day will be Wednesday July 3rd.
>
>My plans and location from Thursday July 4th are settled.
>
>Thanks for the great experience at [Company].  Please let me know every way I can ease the transition and ease any paperwork.
>
> Cheers, F. Attie

It's a case of you just have to deal with it, unfortunately. DON'T say anything really explicit like "do not send me a counter offer" or "no discussion entered in to".

The **closest you can get** to being rude and direct is this language:

>My plans and location from Thursday July 4th are settled.

or

>My plans and location from Thursday July 4th are settled, thank you.

As my shrink says, "you can only be responsible *for you*".  If some person at the organization wants to walk up to you and start talking about it - that's not you., that's them.

Just politely say "Ah, my new plans are settled from the 4th, thanks."

Email, same response.  Again the closest you can get to being rude/direct is

>My plans and location from Thursday July 4th are settled.

Hope it helps!