308

He's counting on you to avoid confrontation. And you feel that saying something more forcefully will make things uncomfortable and be rude. But here's the thing: he's already being rude, and things are already uncomfortable, at least for you. So, in addition to writing things down after they happen each time, start speaking up anyway. When he touches ...


239

It sounds like she was uncomfortable with what happened. However, if putting a hand on her shoulder was the limit of your behaviour, you should be ok. There are 3 reasons to not send an email. It will come across as intimidating. You invaded this woman's space and made her feel uncomfortable. I doubt she would want to open an email from you. It puts in ...


239

To give a woman's perspective, I have had anything from occasional glances to out and out staring at my chest while talking to male colleagues or clients in a professional setting. I don't enjoy being treated as a life support system for mammary glands. But as long as it is only the occasional involuntary glance and are paying attention to what I am saying,...


189

Do NOT create a paper trail when there is no paper trail. By doing so, you will be creating an issue where there is none. If she talks to you about it, say that you're sorry and didn't mean to be offensive. If she doesn't, don't bring it up. If you really feel the need of discussing this issue, tread carefully. Do: Hi, I hope everything's OK with ...


155

Whether you can decline service to a customer is a question for your manager, because quite aside from any location-specific legal concerns, businesses differ in their handling of problem customers. I recommend going as a group since he makes a bunch of you uncomfortable. Either individually or as a group, though, be sure to report this harassment to your ...


147

how do I not come off as a creep? If your gaze-wandering was as minimal as you say, you probably didn't. This is especially true if you've already had "professional and cordial" interactions with her, so she knows you as more than that guy who kept looking at my legs. I don't know if she noticed but I am inclined to believe that she did. You're right; she ...


143

Firstly, write down every instance of unwanted attention in a log and date it. This is for if it goes really bad, you want a record so you can litigate. Involve HR. Tell them that you are recieving unwanted attention from a colleague and that you have done due diligence in letting him know it is unwanted and that you wish HR assistance in the matter. Be ...


108

Apologizing is probably appropriate. But your apology plan is not. Here's why: it's too easy for you and too intrusive on her. You fire off an email asking to set up a call. What if she doesn't want a call? Why is it ok to "be in her space" again so that you can receive absolution for your behavior? it leaves an archive of vague apologies that would fit ...


104

I think you will probably end up leaving this job. But perhaps try a few last-ditch things: give this person a loud clear NO every time. "Please don't touch me." "No, and please don't ask again, it's not flattering." "I do not like the turn this conversation is going." Yes, it's rude to express yourself this directly, with no please or thankyou, no if-you-...


99

You can report him right now if you want. You have more than enough to make a solid case. But if I were you, I'd give him an ultimatum via email. If you ask me out one more time, I will report you to HR for harassment. Do you understand? The same goes for any joke or flirty comment. If those continue too, I will report you right away as well. ...


91

Okay, so I'm your manager and you come to me with the following: "A female coworker and I were in some part of the building nobody else was in. She was drunk but I didn't touch her or offend her. She slapped me!" So.. what were the two of you doing in this isolated part of the building? Why was one of you (just one of you?) drunk at a time when it ...


88

Do nothing. Anything you do would contribute to validating the story she possibly could tell. That story now would be "I watched through the closed blinds of the office of a co-worker, and I thought he may be masturbating" and then it could be followed by "so I watched long enough to be sure" or "I turned away quickly". No matter how inappropriate or ...


83

Wow. The senior dev sounds like a complete creep. Are her weirded-out, uncomfortable feelings justified? Yes, I think you'd struggle to find anyone who would consider this as reasonable or normal behaviour. It's not standard practice in the industry - far from it. If (as a senior dev), I want to review work, I sit with the intern and we go through ...


81

You should talk to your supervisor. Tell them this man makes you very uncomfortable and what he has done and tell your superior you don't want to help this man. Use the term sexual harassment - that usually gets an employer's attention. If the supervisor says you must then talk to his supervisor. If that does not work you can just refuse to help and see ...


80

Pretend it never happened, and deny any ulterior motives if asked. She may be uncomfortable around you in the future, but just act professionally. You made your move and it was rejected, leave it at that (and don't repeat it). Don't apologise unless taken to task over it and don't acknowledge any sort of guilt even then. Just apologise that you made her ...


74

So I was reading this question, nodding along. Thinking "that sounds quite annoying, but not too serious". Then you gave the specific example at the end and I was frankly shocked. That wasn't a bit of flirting or attention. That was pure sexual harassment, he was very far across the line! But none of your description up to then really portrayed that. If ...


72

This is unacceptable and illegal behaviour from your employer. In Germany, there is the Antidiskriminierungsstelle that can help you. In particular read chapter 4 of this booklet. In short: after making your complaint to the company they have to address the problem. If they don't you are allowed to not show up to work (and receive full payment). You can ...


71

Additional comment on the already existing answers but too long for a comment: Keep a a very detailed paper trail. Every time an interaction or event happens that you believe is related write it down. Date & time, location, who said/did what. Verbatim quotes wherever possible. If there were any other witnesses or people involved, write down their names ...


70

In a case like this, the only person who can fix it is the CEO. First document the behavior with dates, times, and the name of the person who said something offensive. Then when you have a good long list, have your manager bring it to the CEO. Personally I would concentrate on this part because it is the most likely to get action and is the least subjective ...


70

TL;DR - Seek advice from a professional (lawyer). This is not something that should be taken lightly. Now, coming back to the question: I don't want to burn bridges with this company so shortly before I leave anyway. Why, just why? As you mentioned, even after reaching out to HR and lodging a formal complain did not make the situation better, and as per ...


63

This is something that, unfortunately, is not uncommon in retail. The core advice you're getting from almost everyone is correct: talk to your supervisor. The following assumes you are in a major retail chain (or one that acts similarly to a major retail chain in terms of its organization). Small stores will of course have much less bureaucracy. This is ...


59

There are a few things involved here. First, if your work culture involves wearing a uniform, your boss can enforce it on you. Having said that, no one, I mean, NO ONE can make you wear dress belonging to the opposite gender. You can always ask your employer to provide a version of the uniform which is of your gender. My suggestion is as follows: Talk to ...


58

I am not a legal expert, nor should you be taking legal advice from people on the Internet - you should be consulting with a lawyer. As for what advice I can give: Your working relations with other members of staff is likely to be awkward and strained - this is only natural and to be expected (after all, following your accusations, a manager is being taken ...


52

What course of action should one take when the HR department is the source of verbal/sexual harassment, and there's no third-party mediator to arbitrate complaints? In reversing the role, HR being the bad guy, and the victimization is female against a male, your best bet is to hit the road, because the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against you. And ...


51

Then he says where do you live? I want to come over at your house. You can ask once. You can ask twice, to make sure. (And some people would even disagree there). At that point any sensible man (or woman) would stop. But that sentence, that is deep into worryingly creepy territory. This is a situation where you should go straight to HR. Then find out where ...


50

One piece of general advice to add to Oded's excellent answer, which I won't rehash: Don't engage anyone at work who wants to talk about it. There will be three categories of people: Those who don't believe you and are open about it. Those who appear supportive but aren't. Those who are genuinely supportive. It is best for you if you don't engage any of ...


43

What makes you think that what you said was either innocent or even ok? Why should women have to put up with getting their every act sexualized in the guise of "light-hearted jokes"? Based on your edits, this is how it looks from my perspective: You used an innocent situation between two colleagues to: Make a point of advertising how drunk she was. ...


42

"Just show up in your pants next Friday from 9am or else you're not gonna be paid a cent. Got it?" Well, that's sexual harrassment, no doubt about that. If you want to be nice, call his wife, tell her what is happening, and maybe she can get him under control. That would be the best possible outcome. The Mathemagician may be correct with his comment, that ...


42

I just want to add something to the useful answers here: since you are the quiet type and dislike confrontation, I suggest that you practice telling (NOT yelling) him to stop at home, best in front of a mirror. This will make it less hard to do so with him, in the real situation.


37

Definitely do not go to HR and create a problem where there isn't one. Free life advice: I would urge you to train yourself to be respectful in the workplace and focus on looking a woman in the eye. For some, eye contact is uncomfortable and in that case, focus on the area between her eyes (this worked for me as an awkward young man). As a side note, ...


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