173

As an introvert SE, I have my style of doing things and getting things done. Same here. But an introvert isn't a protected class, nor is it a disability, so anywhere you work isn't going to start running to make special considerations for you based on the fact you "just prefer to work in the zone". There's two angles I'd take here. Firstly, if any kind of ...


157

If you must decline, I would simply say, "I'm sorry, I don't know you well enough to introduce you." If you do know them and simply don't want to open up your network... I'm sorry, but I cant think of anyone in my network who would be able to help you. Of course, that is the truth, as once you told anyone of your misgivings, they wouldn't be able to ...


135

Like it or not, social or "soft" skills are more critical than you think. While I absolutely do not subscribe to the idea that a person's thought and behavior can be boiled down to a few letters, being an INTJ or an introvert does not preclude you from being a good workmate. Promotions always come with an increase in responsibility and almost universally ...


116

If you're dealing with someone that has problems with social interaction and social cues, one thing to do is ask yourself: Do they comply with instructions? The reason I ask that is because... well, some people are just jerks. It's not that they can't understand interpersonal aspects - they simply don't care. However, from the sounds of it, your coworker ...


68

One thing that I like to tell people is that "A diagnosis is not a destiny" For some background, I am autistic, LD, hearing impaired, and have had a lifetime of ill health, so this is not a "toughen up, buttercup" speech from someone who hasn't lived through it himself. In fact, as a quintessential outlier myself, I heartily understand what you are going ...


55

This is tough. I don't think confronting your boss is likely to lead to a good outcome. He has already shown he is unwilling/unable to be honest with you, and confronting him with his lie is not going to make him any more honest. At worst you might lose your position, and my guess is at minimum you well get some new runaround that will be equally if not ...


53

As a non native English speaker working in an English speaking company, I’d very much appreciate a comment (in private) when using phrases wrong or phrases that could have connotations that I haven’t anticipated. It happened to me more than once and I’ve profusely thanked the people that told me about it.


41

What should I do in this situation? Nothing, file the information away under 'experience', you just learnt a valuable lesson, you cannot take people at their word. Part of being an intern is learning social facts in the workplace as well as your job and how to judge people. Nothing positive will come out of confrontation, so don't do it.


36

No, you never want to criticize or deliver negative feedback via email. Unless your boss is completely incompetent this is a conversation you need to have with your boss, first. Period. "Hey boss, coworker seems to badmouth everything. This is really distracting and demoralizing, do you have any suggestions for what I should do?" Passively aggressively ...


31

How [do I] politely refuse to put someone in touch with my professional network? Giving a random stranger direct access to your personal or professional network should feel uncomfortable. The issue isn't just that your reputation may be on the line by implicitly supporting this stranger, whom you know nothing about; the issue is also that you've not ...


24

It seems that you have the unexpected interpersonal / workplace problem: the one between your colleague and the other colleagues :) And you are uncomfortable, that they have no problem :) I wish he would either not socialize with coworkers Of course, the first thing that you MUST do is accept things: the social skills of other people are not your concern ...


22

"We want people to chat, that's our new thing now. This is how are collaborative etc." [...] I expected him to bring this up with the relevant people so these conversations would stop Why did you expected him to make people stop if he clearly stated that this is part of new company policy? You expected him to read your mind that you are not happy with it ...


20

Lots of friends bounce ideas off of each other. If you feel you're being exploited, the best response would be to keep things somewhat ambivalent. Friend: What would you use? ElasticSearch? You: Sure, ElasticSearch could work. Friend: Or redis? Your: Yeah, redis could work there, too. If the friend persists in trying to get your ...


20

Regarding needing quiet time: Whenever you have a problem, stating "solving my problem requires me to do nothing and everyone around me to change" never works. Never ever, not even a little. So you are already off base here. You don't have to blast music into your head to reduce noise; conversely, you can get headphones with noise-cancelling features, or ...


14

I think you may be making a mountain out of a molehill. "You people" is an insult when it's said to people of a particular race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. But if he uses it when referring to any group of people, it won't be perceived as an insult. On the other hand, it's simply not an idiomatic way to refer to people in general. You're obviously ...


13

You would not be a language coach, since this is not something trivial. This can damage the work environment and relationship between your group and this particular colleague. I think that the best thing to do would be to explain to him that you are worried that people might misinterpret what he says and take it in a negative way because of the phrasing. "...


13

You have to change job Sorry, I know you said "no job changes advise" but there is no another option for you. This is the culture of where you are, it won't change, its much more probably that you end up fired at first lay offs and that will happen, soon or later. Such companies like that are very often inefficient and won't thrive because people just talk ...


12

You are discriminating against your employee because you think he is autistic (you don't mention that he has been diagnosed with any documented disability, so this just your armchair diagnosis to begin with). As an autist and a manager myself, you have to treat your autistic employee the same as your neurotypical employees. Instead, you appear to be giving ...


11

In your place I would simply say that I respect privacy of my contacts and I'd suggest the person who's asking to use LinkedIn or another website/event. The main concern (moral or even legal) is sharing personal information of your industry contacts.


10

Noise complaints in an office are very common. I'd tread lightly if I were you. If the person is using a mechanical keyboard, and there is a medical reason for it, you can get into trouble quickly. Offices have noise, be they ringing phones, conversations, et cetera. I wear earplugs, and sometimes sunglasses for the light, which makes me uncomfortable. ...


10

would it be acceptable to put a camera while I go to a job interview so I can review myself later? Without asking? Absolutely not. It's never appropriate to video people without asking. (Even if it's legal, it's still not appropriate). You can of course ask, and if they give permission, you can do it. But don't wait with asking until you are in the room ...


9

Disclaimer I deleted my Facebook. This is what LinkedIn is for. Add them on LinkedIn instead of Facebook. In your LinkedIn invite explain that you like to keep your personal social media account separate to your work-life. If they would be offended by you not regarding them as a friend I would say something like I only use Facebook to stay in contact ...


9

You do not want to address this person in mail, the last thing you want to do with a back-biting, double-crossing coworker is to give them a paper trail. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING Before you say so much as "boo" to this person, have a log of all the times she has acted out including what was said, to whom it was said, and when. You want to have an established ...


8

Your office is doing things wrong. I thought before that there is no "escape" to these wrongdoings of the usual way people work, but now I learned that specially for software development, there are some mandatory conditions that should be met to work properly. I will explain my two experiences and why I learned that. BEFORE: I worked for the IT department ...


7

Here's a thought experiment: how would those young juniors treat you if they were scared of you? Would they look down when you approach, move aside in the hallways, scurry away the moment their official reason for talking to you is over? I think they would. https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/683/why-is-a-shy-or-reserved-person-often-perceived-...


6

Trust me I'm a manager and I have received many noise complains including loud speaking on phone, music, phone rings... I would pay attention to that if as manager I find it hurting to team performance, I have even asked staff not to type aggressive on their keyboard! after all I don't know how reasonable is your manager but that would ruin your relationship....


6

If your boss is really comfortable with lying to his people (demonstrating poor social skills), then confronting him with the situation will either produce other lies or righteous indignation, potentially terminating your employment. You have to decide for yourself whether you can put up with the situation and finish your internship (maybe you can re-...


6

Short version: if you don't trust your boss, look for another job. Once you've got other options, then you can decide if it is worth a confrontation, but be aware that the chances of a confrontation being beneficial to you are slim. Many years (and jobs) ago, my manager offered me a promotion with no pay increase until after 90 days in the new position, ...


6

You can ask them what specific aspect of the industry they are interested in, which normally would catch someone who is underprepared. Then tell them the best way to network is to keep on attending industry events, because they're the best way to really understand the industry and the impact you can make in it. Finally apologise and say you don't refer ...


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