78

I once lead a team of misfits up from being a disaster to sub-par, to effective and had to fight this attitude the entire time. When I took over this group, our goal was $2000 per week in specific sales within a department. It had been consistently been around 500. The team was demoralized and was just coming into get a paycheck. I had more than tripled ...


61

If you're only communicating expectations to your team such that meeting them leaves you unsatisfied (but the work "done") then you aren't a good team leader - you're doing the bare minimum. I'd give you 3 stars. So while I believe that being demanding is not a bad thing per se, I am aware that my behaviour can be detrimental to my co-workers. ...


59

Today, I got feedback from one developer and their reaction was one of discomfort , rather than appreciation as I would have expected. The person felt I was a little overboard with my recognition and how they felt it was only helping out a colleague. Did I commit a faux paus here? You may have, but you really didn't do anything wrong. People have different ...


31

I have several diagnosed "conditions", including impostor syndrome. And I can tell you that I really hate being given recognition, because I think that I don't deserve it. I don't give my efforts that much value, and I seriously think I can do way better but I don't. Still, I get compliments for what I think is a mediocre work. I'm telling you this ...


21

Why don't lead by example instead of trying to "teach"? As you mentioned, Jake is junior and still learning things, (maybe both professionally and personally). Next time you see the senior resident, thank him for his kindness in front of others, preferably the junior being present. The time after, never lose an opportunity to thank someone, be in ...


20

Either mind your own business, or engage with him in a constructive way. You are blowing a minor slight way out of proportion, and one customers are certainly not going to notice. Furthermore, you are showing exactly zero interest in why this happened. Perhaps the part after the "but..." was "but I had to listen to that old guy's racist ...


18

I think the issue here is that you have a problem with people being average. A dislike of average people is in my opinion a more general and growing problem in society today. By definition most people are about average. It is even the case that some people can only be exceptional because most people are average. If everyone was exceptional no-one would be, ...


12

I don't think you committed a faux pas, the peer recognition is an established means of recognition in the company and you used it for that. As the others have mentioned different people have different preferences of being recognized. If you want to avoid making people feel uncomfortable the easiest way is to ask them how they would like to be recognized, ...


10

Being pushed a little outside of our comfort zone in a positive way is not necessarily a bad thing. You used a corporate program to sincerely recognize your peers in an appropriate manner that supports the sort of company culture your management is trying to build. That’s not a faux pas. I’m not comfortable accepting recognition for things I think are just ...


8

To add to the excellent answer by Stephan Branczyk, if you know your intent was sincere, there is nothing to feel guilty about as long as you followed the established/documented norms in publishing such recognition. Yes, people are different and they feel different about a particular situation. That's what makes teams and even this world such a "diverse&...


7

To give some perspective from the other side. I don't have any mental illness diagnosis, but I do hate such recognition programs. I don't like being singled out publicly and in particular not by such a recognition program, because that creates incentive to just push someone on the podest from time to time. So aside from getting unwanted public praise, I don'...


6

There is such a thing as "too much" and there is also such a thing as "the wrong time". Praise is a funny thing because it really can be used to do the exact opposite, and abusing it reduces its value tremendously. Some thoughts on how I handle praise Keep it simple and direct. Say what you mean exactly. Keep it targeted at the right ...


6

I'd like to suggest something simple and uncontroversial you can do, that I'm surprised no-one has mentioned yet: Thank them. Thank your team for their efforts.  Show that you appreciate what they've done. You don't need to exaggerate the quality of work or whether it meets your high standards; you don't even need to mention it at all.  Just a simple “Thank ...


6

I myself am a perfectionist when it comes to my work and very few people can produce work I find to be of acceptable quality. - What I try to do is, try and understand people a bit more and have some empathy. how to better value their contribution and have a higher opinion of them? Realise others have different priorities. Maybe they're having a hard time ...


5

Your definition of elitism is substandard. An elite English language user would probably call what you describe "being overly critical" or "failure to give appropriate credit". This is a form of meanness. If you aspire to be elite, then bring your ability to give accurate feedback up to elite levels and that should fix things for you. ...


5

how to prevent my current mindset to be detrimental to my team members? (And co-workers in general?) Keep your real opinion to yourself. Give voice only to those that will have a positive impact or achieve a goal. This is a valuable skill in itself, both at work and life in general. how to better value their contribution and have a higher opinion of them? ...


5

This is difficult. Seeing that that guy probably doesn't want you on his team either, this decision seems to come from management who have no knowledge of the underlying social dynamic. Either that or, as suggested in a comment, management knows and expects you two to professionally overcome your differences, which limits your choice to option 2. You have ...


5

When accepting the apprenticeship, Jack probably thought that he would get valuable work-experience regarding systems integration. Not that he would spend many hours fixing old people's computers. When working on the computer of that old man he didn't learn much related to his study/future line of work, which is the idea of an apprenticeship. I think the ...


4

What makes you certain he didn't thank him? I doubt you are aware of all conversations (both in person and telecommunication) that your co-worker is privy to. Regardless though: This comes across as looking for something to be upset over as opposed to an actual grievance. Lets look at what you have put forward as options and see if they sound like reasonable ...


4

When you arrive at your destination, do you thank the Uber driver who you'd rate 3 stars? I'm not asking if you're internally feeling grateful or not, I'm asking if you utter the word "thanks" or "thank you" at any point. Why would you? He's getting paid, right? Why bother doing anything more than giving him the wage that he clearly ...


3

Devil's Advocate- If you were being nice sincerely then the person receiving the compliment is taking it far too personal. But, if you rubbed this person wrong -for whatever reason- then he might not feel appreciated by his privacy being compromised to that degree. But you then get offended to the point that you go around and bring him or her up in this ...


3

I used to be extremely hardworking and work focused. I used to be like this. Working 60 hour weeks, extremely high standards, extremely on the ball. I'm a senior engineer with 15 years of experience in an extremely specialised field. Intelligence was super important, and the people I respected were people who were intelligent and educated. And then I fell ...


3

how to prevent my current mindset to be detrimental to my team members? There isn't much to answer other than a frame challenge. You shouldn't be trying to figure out how to keep your mindset from being detrimental, you should be figuring out how to adjust your mindset. You seem to think that there is some objective "right" standard, and everyone ...


2

There's a difference between sincere praise and empty flattery. If the praise is sincere, it'll probably be appreciated, even if the person doing the praising is much more or less senior than the person they're praising. Most everyone enjoys being genuinely appreciated for something they did well. However, what you're describing is empty flattery, and it ...


2

The best way to avoid sounding insincere is, well, to be sincere. Praise things that you honestly find praiseworthy. Understand the company culture with respect to how praise happens-- some companies are very "rah rah" and encourage people to praise each other loudly and publicly, others are much more reserved. As for patronizing, what you praise ...


2

He replied "No. I don't mean to be rude, but..." and cut his sentence, staying inactive. I was kind of speechless, because ... We could guess all sorts of things that he was going to say. There would be an indefinite number. My feeling is that you were so busy being shocked because he hadn't learned your childhood lessons, that you simply didn't ...


2

Striving for perfection does not require punishing everyone who falls short. If goals are expectations, they must be achievable lest people receive continuous negative feedback they can not avoid, which will cause them to disengage and leave this toxic workplace as soon as they can. You can however set high goals if goals are something to work towards, and ...


2

I mean that I hold quite high standards when judging things and people. It might be helpful to frame it this way: "judging people" probably isn't the job that you were hired to do, and focussing on it is likely to interfere with your ability to do the job you were hired to do. With growing responsibility, sometimes there are times when you need to ...


1

Holding high standards isn't necessarily bad, but proper evaluations are more important. I, personally, often looks "negatively" when judging. I start with a full mark and deduct it when I found something questionable or (negatively) unexpected. If there's nothing questionable, I end my assessment with the (initial) full mark. This way I don't (...


1

Speaking as someone with unreasonably high standards myself, this is really just something you need to keep in mind in every interaction with others. Be quicker to give praise and be slower to criticise. How to properly give praise and criticism can be topics all by themselves, so I won't expand on that too much. You can think of it as needing to "shift&...


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