New answers tagged

5

Address the behavior, rather than the semantics Is this guy really a narcissist? Not actually all that important. What he is is a toxic coworker with certain behaviors. Deal with those. For example, credit stealing is an issue, and it's a question that has come up many, many times on this board. A quick search on "taking credit" yields 205 results (and ...


4

Please don't try to be a psychiatrist. Please don't try to diagnose people. People go to school for decades to learn the nuances of diagnosing mental disorders. And people I know in that field say it's more of an art than a science, even with the degrees and all. You're doing the right thing involving your manager. Remember the only behavior you can control ...


0

Most narcissist resources online are about narcissistic family or romantic relationships. How do I navigate this in the workplace? How do I protect myself and my career from the credit stealing? The passive aggressive comments when I push back on a task trying to be shifted to me? How do I (and should I?) show my manager the negative behavior and how it ...


1

You asked, How do I navigate this in the workplace? Ultimately, the good news here is that the workplace is probably easier than the other contexts you've mentioned (romantic or family relationship). This is because the workplace has a pretty clear focus: doing work. By reminding yourself to focus on that, you can help reduce the impact of people who ...


1

(OP isn't the person asking, but I'll pretend they are here for the grammar) It sounds like you are in a very weak position for bargaining. If the qualifications are required for the position and your company is err... "bending the rules," then you really can't complain at all. If qualifications are required, your options are to: Get the qualifications. ...


15

You sucked this up for 7 years? Time to move on - you have experience and skills someone else will value. As for discussing it - yet again... you have tried that both direct and indirect, so your move. Skills you have: 1) warehouse management & delivery scheduling 2) reporting construction site progress 3) the hvac / air handling design skills based ...


3

Wow, what a muddle of a situation. I get the feeling you’re completely overwhelmed by the complexity of the different issues involved. Let’s practice a bit of separation of concerns, and I believe some clarity may emerge about how to proceed. Specifically, I see several different but mutually interacting problems you’re dealing with here, and I see value in ...


-1

Explain to Mihai that this was not an action by you community, and that holding the community hostage is not acceptable for solving a personal conflict. Explain to him that since he wanted the humiliation to happen in public, you will make his emails public if he continues to wish that. If that is not fruitful cut the ties with Mihai, whatever the cost - ...


18

This kind of conflict is unfortunately quite common in parish life. As you probably know, and I'm sure your clergy know, people volunteer to do church work because they want to feel needed, important, and part of something bigger than themselves. And, as you are learning the hard way, when people put their sweat and treasure into volunteer activities they ...


8

This answer is in addition to nvoigt's excellent answer, and I am writing it to add the one thing he missed out. Nvoigt writes "You don't have an IT problem, you have a massive people problem.". This is true. But assuming both these volunteers are members of your church you also have a serious spiritual problem. According to my reading both your volunteers ...


3

Time to be a leader. Going only from your description (there are three sides to every story - yours, theirs, and what really happened), I would say that several things need to happen; Shou should be removed from his position as a volunteer leader. He has no people skills, and is a bully. Shou should not be required to apologize to Mihai. Mihai now has ...


23

How can we fix this? I suggest you prepare a serious investigation. I don't think you are looking at it with the understanding of what happened. One of your volunteer leaders, presumably a person of power and influence in your church, threatened and forced volunteers. Yes, unfortunately for them, they happened to meet the one person strong enough to throw ...


-4

Well, there seems to be plenty of wrong to go around. The first two options do indeed seem to be chosen to humiliate Shou. But I don't see why a video, in which Shou says I was wrong; I didn't understand that Mihai's contributions are exceptional and he does not have to do manual labour if he doesn't want to perhaps with many of us have learned to ...


0

With his wealth of knowledge (and my lack of it) it is understandable that I need to ask him for help, sometimes quite frequently. Frequent interruptions are disruptive and it can be frustrating to change from solving one problem to another. If I am being interrupted to answer a question then I want to know that they tried their hardest to solve it before ...


0

Instead of interruptions, schedule a 30 min training session with him. We can't know if you are the junior asks way too many questions and interrupts the senior's work way too much and don't let him do his/her work, or the senior simply does not like to help specifically to you, or any junior in general. If he seems annoyed when he approached, say "Oh ...


1

Make you manager aware of the need to document the behaviour. Someone might think you are being rude by cuting in line for the coffe machine (which might happen by sincere mistake) while some might think you are rude because you refused to do something. Again this is your manager resposibility to take as much information from the complaint as they can so ...


3

Is it fair to give/document feedback without providing evidence for me to understand what I was accused of? No, but... Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence. That is, there's a cynical reading of this (your manager wants you out and is using this as an excuse, hence there aren't any concrete examples to give), but the ...


2

Feedback like that is frequently problematic, since the "offences" are very subjective and difficult to prove. Because of that it's frequently used in a prejudiced way or as a weapon towards employees their bosses want to penalize without having objective reasons to. Let me elaborate: There's a lot of research that shows that women get this type of ...


1

There are good recruiters and bad recruiters. Bad recruiters strip mine you for information to fill out their little web form. And, yeah, they'll get annoyed when you don't play along by giving them your salary and your first pet's name. And, yeah, they ghost you when their incompetent pitch of you fails. Fuggedaboudum. Good recruiters work for you. They're ...


0

Stay calm. Stand with your original decision. On Day-X, just GO. Just imagine how fast he will turn-around in his behavior if you revert your decision. And how much guilt he will try to embed in your mind because "you've tried to escape and leave them alone".


5

I felt since I had yet to get an interview that the salary discussion was very premature and (I didn't say this to him, but) not a conversation to be had with a recruiter. External recruiters often only earn money when a candidate gets hired. If you are outside the company salary range, then they will waste a lot of time introducing you. He suggested a ...


1

There's a lot of opportunity for you here. Your boss has laid out his cards basically and put you in a very strong negotiating position. You can easily ask for much better terms than what you've got now since you're 'vital' to the company. If he is the main reason you're leaving then isn't him leaving the office going to resolve this for you? Lay out your ...


0

As much as he continues to pressure you and apologizes, clearly he is incapable of changing so you have been honest in maintaining you cannot be swayed to stay and he needs to respect that. Continue to maintain you integrity, do not show him reaction and carry on; though easier said than done....I know. If it becomes unbearable, it is within reason for ...


1

Since the team is small, it's likely your boss is caught off guard by your sudden departure. By asking you to stay, it's clear they are looking for a short term solution to your eventual replacement. So don't fall for it. Just continue to remain professional and work your notice period. Don't "tell them" or get back at them, just try to remain as ...


3

It sounds like your boss feels like everything is falling apart, and doesn't know how to respond to that kind of stress. The main thing is to always respond to any argument with "I'm sorry, I have given notice, I am happy with my choice, I am leaving on xx.xx" If you try to give explanations/reasons, then that gives him a way to "win", as if dealing with ...


1

You sound like an Agreeable and Conscientious person (some of the big 5 personality traits). These kind of people are very hurt by manipulation attempts. Some psychologists advise to toughen up. Just like Disagreeable or Neurotic people (not the opposite of the former) need to learn to soften and open up. Use these two weeks as your hell training to endure ...


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