There are probably two rather different topics which you might want to discuss with your team member, and I think it helps to identify them straight away.

First, you require your team member to moderate their behaviour (since it risks creating tensions within the team). It might make sense to impose some clear rules about how you expect them to report the issues that are causing problems (but since there are problems, he does need some sort of an escalation process).

Second, your team member might want to modify the behaviour of other team members. This is probably more of a long term project for them to understand the skills needed to influence others (and these standard techniques are maybe easy to understand but not obvious or easy to apply). Showing them explicit examples of how they can reasonably make requests to others will probably help.

It is also worth emphasising that effective teams often consist of different types of people - the aim of your discussions is not to 'normalise' the whole team, rather to improve the communication of best practice (and maybe to improve task allocation, grow skills, etc).

from the perspective of someone with a very 'direct' communication style, and high expectations of others

There are probably two rather different topics which you might want to discuss with your team member, and I think it helps to identify them straight away.

First, you require your team member to moderate their behaviour (since it risks creating tensions within the team). Rather than using vague terms (like moderate) which you might usually use with other boisterous/disruptive team members, it might make sense to impose some clear rules about how you expect them to report the issues that are causing problems.

Remember though that since there are some triggers for his behaviour, he does need some sort of an escalation process so he knows that his feedback and opinions are helping you to improve the team.

Second, your team member might want to modify the behaviour of other team members. This is probably more of a long term project for them to understand the skills needed to influence others (and these standard techniques are maybe easy to understand but not obvious or easy to apply). Showing them explicit examples of how they can reasonably make requests to others will probably help. (When you do this, it makes that problem in my work so I would find it easier if you did something specific)

It is also worth emphasising that effective teams often consist of different types of people - the aim of your discussions is not to 'normalise' the whole team, rather to improve the communication of best practice (and maybe to improve task allocation, grow skills, etc).

from the perspective of someone with a very 'direct' communication style, and high expectations of others