Timeline for Deal with toxic manager when you can't quit
Current License: CC BY-SA 4.0
17 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
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| Apr 16, 2019 at 17:12 | comment | added | MichaelEvanchik | i get these comments. I respond in slack.... "ok thanks" . he types 4 more sentences and a say.... "ok thanks" no stress | |
| Apr 12, 2019 at 21:08 | comment | added | Derek Elkins left SE | @crasic I more or less agree with all of that. I'm not suggesting that you behave completely passively or that there aren't other issues related to this that you need to deal with. I'm also not saying this isn't a toxic situation even if you do "stop caring". However, the issues you mention can come up even if the manager is completely charming to you. (They might even be worse in that case.) | |
| Apr 12, 2019 at 21:00 | comment | added | crasic | @DerekElkins sure, but if they leave a review that shits on you it may still impact your work and pay. You can control your emotional reaction all you want, but you cannot control the reaction of your co-workers, if your boss is undermining you to your peers and their bosses this can be stressful and cause problems even if you can play off being a hindu cow to their faces and ignore the direct attacks. | |
| Apr 12, 2019 at 20:55 | comment | added | Derek Elkins left SE | @Strader I don't know why you feel the need to stretch things. No one said anything about not caring about anything that anyone says to you. The (stereotypical) sociopath can't care about anyone else. What "stop caring" really means in this context is that you don't need to give everyone you interact with leverage over your emotional state and self-worth. For example, say you are front-line tech support for a company, you don't need to be a sociopath to understand that most of the abuse you may receive is not informed by your behavior and therefore shouldn't be taken personally. | |
| Apr 12, 2019 at 14:06 | comment | added | Strader | @DerekElkins Not caring AT ALL for anything that is said to you by others is a definition of sociopath. i am not a 100% certain, but OP is not one | |
| Apr 11, 2019 at 16:04 | comment | added | Alex M | If I hadn't already added this stack to my profile, I would have done so just to upvote this answer. "It’s only stress if you care." Brilliant. | |
| Apr 11, 2019 at 13:25 | comment | added | gravity | I both agree and disagree with this answer. To clarify: Some people are unusually sensitive to words and demeanor. My partner is acutely capable of brushing things off and not allowing anyone to get under their skin. I, on the other hand, could be fully aware that someone is nothing more than a boaster... but still take negative comments and berating to heart anyway and feel emotionally distressed. This answer is great for some, but I wouldn't say everyone. | |
| Apr 11, 2019 at 12:38 | comment | added | Aserre | Especially in France : if you stop caring and the manager decides to let you go, the severance package is usually very good + you get unemployment (which you don't if you quit by yourself) | |
| Apr 11, 2019 at 9:10 | comment | added | Laurent S. | I like the advice, but "stop caring" is hardly something one can decide just like this... The level of "caring" about such things is I think part of everyone's personality, and changing a trait of your personality requires quite some work and effort, even if eventually there are huge benefits | |
| Apr 11, 2019 at 8:17 | comment | added | RedSonja | I have worked for a guy like that, and it does grind you down. Especially as he belittled us to other people too. | |
| Apr 10, 2019 at 23:12 | history | edited | gnasher729 | CC BY-SA 4.0 |
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| Apr 10, 2019 at 19:47 | comment | added | Derek Elkins left SE | @Strader I'm pretty sure that is not true. Further, it is not true most commonly when people don't care what the belittling person is saying. The tricky part for many (but not everyone) is the "stop caring" part. | |
| Apr 10, 2019 at 18:33 | comment | added | Mark Rogers | +1, lol, if the job is terrible what do they expect. I think as a manager, you have to lower your expectations on employees when the job is miserable. | |
| Apr 10, 2019 at 18:14 | comment | added | Koray Tugay | +1 from me. Just remember nothing is forever and this too shall pass. Instead of thinking "How am I going to live like this?" change your mindset and remember it is only a period of time (just like any other period of time of your life!). Just do your work, start looking for something else, and try not to think about it much. It is not your life after all, it is just a job and there are millions of them out there. It is not the only job in the world and they are not all like this! | |
| Apr 10, 2019 at 15:34 | comment | added | busman | The best answer to "I could have done that in an hour" is "then you don't need me to do it". If he follows that by suggesting that you should quit if you think so then the answer should be "I don't think so, but if you do, you know what to do". This, of course, does not help in the stress mitigation issue, but at least puts limits into his insolence and allows to move forward onto the inevitable outcome. | |
| Apr 10, 2019 at 14:36 | comment | added | Strader | I disagree, being belittled on regular basis is stressful for any person. | |
| Apr 10, 2019 at 14:15 | history | answered | gnasher729 | CC BY-SA 4.0 |