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Stephan Branczyk
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Short Answer

"you might state that you overheard a few sexist remarks and that this bothers you" - from the accepted answer by Frank Hopkins

Do not say this.

If you really do say something, talk about your feelings and how you took offense from an off-hand comment. They're your feelings. No one can argue against them. But do not label that behavior.

Only label the issue if you bring it to HR or if this becomes a legal issue. But otherwise, if you're just looking for a friendly apology from the person in question, don't use that label with him.

Longer Answer

Calling the remark "sexist" adds a degree of shaming that mayis likely to antagonize the person in question.

If the first and most prevalent impression about the presenter is his or her appearance, chances getting lowered he or she might be associated as a potential hiring candidate in the first place

You've reframed this issue as something more than it really is.

This woman isn't interviewing for a job at your company, nor does she even work for your company.

As a junior, giving a professional talk is a chance to prove...

And no, even if she was young, that makes her at the very least a senior engineer, not a junior one.

After all, not everyone gets invited to speak at professional conferences. And with the topic of machine learning, it isn't that uncommon to have young people be senior subject-matter experts on that topic.

...that has nothing to do with her professional competence." – Geoffrey Brent

"Remember the short bald guy. His head was so shiny!" or "He was so hot!" or "His voice was monotone." or "He was so creepy!"

My point being, as a public speaker at a conference, it would be nice if everybody remembered your presentation and discussed its content, but it doesn't always work that way.

With that said, I do agree that saying that "she was so hot" was inappropriate, and saying it like that in an open office space environment where six of you work does make it worse than trying to say the same thing privately.

Short Answer

"you might state that you overheard a few sexist remarks and that this bothers you" - from the accepted answer by Frank Hopkins

Do not say this.

If you really do say something, talk about your feelings and how you took offense from an off-hand comment. They're your feelings. No one can argue against them. But do not label that behavior.

Only label the issue if you bring it to HR or if this becomes a legal issue. But otherwise, if you're just looking for a friendly apology from the person in question, don't use that label with him.

Longer Answer

Calling the remark "sexist" adds a degree of shaming that may antagonize the person in question.

If the first and most prevalent impression about the presenter is his or her appearance, chances getting lowered he or she might be associated as a potential hiring candidate in the first place

You've reframed this issue as something more than it really is.

This woman isn't interviewing for a job at your company, nor does she even work for your company.

As a junior, giving a professional talk is a chance to prove...

And no, even if she was young, that makes her at the very least a senior engineer, not a junior one.

After all, not everyone gets invited to speak at professional conferences. And with the topic of machine learning, it isn't that uncommon to have young people be subject-matter experts on that topic.

...that has nothing to do with her professional competence." – Geoffrey Brent

"Remember the short bald guy. His head was so shiny!" or "He was so hot!" or "His voice was monotone." or "He was so creepy!"

My point being, as a public speaker at a conference, it would be nice if everybody remembered your presentation and discussed its content, but it doesn't always work that way.

With that said, I do agree that saying that "she was so hot" was inappropriate, and saying it like that in an open office space environment where six of you work does make it worse than trying to say the same thing privately.

Short Answer

"you might state that you overheard a few sexist remarks and that this bothers you" - from the accepted answer by Frank Hopkins

Do not say this.

If you really do say something, talk about your feelings and how you took offense from an off-hand comment. They're your feelings. No one can argue against them. But do not label that behavior.

Only label the issue if you bring it to HR or if this becomes a legal issue. But otherwise, if you're just looking for a friendly apology from the person in question, don't use that label with him.

Longer Answer

Calling the remark "sexist" adds a degree of shaming that is likely to antagonize the person in question.

If the first and most prevalent impression about the presenter is his or her appearance, chances getting lowered he or she might be associated as a potential hiring candidate in the first place

You've reframed this issue as something more than it really is.

This woman isn't interviewing for a job at your company, nor does she even work for your company.

As a junior, giving a professional talk is a chance to prove...

And no, even if she was young, that makes her at the very least a senior engineer, not a junior one.

After all, not everyone gets invited to speak at professional conferences. And with the topic of machine learning, it isn't that uncommon to have young people be senior subject-matter experts on that topic.

...that has nothing to do with her professional competence." – Geoffrey Brent

"Remember the short bald guy. His head was so shiny!" or "He was so hot!" or "His voice was monotone." or "He was so creepy!"

My point being, as a public speaker at a conference, it would be nice if everybody remembered your presentation and discussed its content, but it doesn't always work that way.

With that said, I do agree that saying that "she was so hot" was inappropriate, and saying it like that in an open office space environment where six of you work does make it worse than trying to say the same thing privately.

deleted 707 characters in body
Source Link
Stephan Branczyk
  • 59.3k
  • 29
  • 129
  • 210

Short Answer

"you might state that you overheard a few sexist remarks and that this bothers you" - from the accepted answer by Frank Hopkins

Do not say this.

If you really do say something, talk about your feelings and how you took offense from an off-hand comment. They're your feelings. No one can argue against them. But do not label that behavior.

Only label the issue if you bring it to HR or if this becomes a legal issue. But otherwise, if you're just looking for a friendly apology from the person in question, don't use that label with him.

Longer Answer

Calling the remark "sexist" adds a degree of shaming that may antagonize the person in question.

If the first and most prevalent impression about the presenter is his or her appearance, chances getting lowered he or she might be associated as a potential hiring candidate in the first place

You've madereframed this a bigger issue as something more than it really is.

This woman isn't interviewing for a job at your company, nor does she even work for your company.

As a junior, giving a professional talk is a chance to prove...

And no, the topic was machine learning at a professional conference. Eveneven if she was young, that makes her at the very least a senior engineer, not a junior one.

And if there was a power differential in their mindAfter all, it's not everyone gets invited to speak at professional conferences. And with the one you imaginedtopic of machine learning, it isn't that uncommon to have young people be subject-matter experts on that topic.

...that has nothing to do with her professional competence." – Geoffrey Brent

"Remember the short bald guy. His head was so shiny!" or "He was so hot!" or "His voice was monotone." or "He was so creepy!"

My point being, as a public speaker at a conference, it would be nice if everybody remembered your presentation and discussed its content, but it doesn't always work that way.

With that said, I do agree that saying that "she was so hot" was inappropriate, and saying it like that in an open office space environment where six of you work does make it worse than trying to say the same thing privately.

Short Answer

"you might state that you overheard a few sexist remarks and that this bothers you" - from the accepted answer by Frank Hopkins

Do not say this.

If you really do say something, talk about your feelings and how you took offense from an off-hand comment. They're your feelings. No one can argue against them. But do not label that behavior.

Only label the issue if you bring it to HR or if this becomes a legal issue. But otherwise, if you're just looking for a friendly apology from the person in question, don't use that label with him.

Longer Answer

Calling the remark "sexist" adds a degree of shaming that may antagonize the person in question.

If the first and most prevalent impression about the presenter is his or her appearance, chances getting lowered he or she might be associated as a potential hiring candidate in the first place

You've made this a bigger issue than it really is.

This woman isn't interviewing for a job at your company, nor does she even work for your company.

As a junior, giving a professional talk is a chance to prove...

And no, the topic was machine learning at a professional conference. Even if she was young, that makes her at the very least a senior engineer, not a junior one.

And if there was a power differential in their mind, it's not the one you imagined.

...that has nothing to do with her professional competence." – Geoffrey Brent

"Remember the short bald guy. His head was so shiny!" or "He was so hot!" or "His voice was monotone." or "He was so creepy!"

My point being, as a public speaker at a conference, it would be nice if everybody remembered your presentation and discussed its content, but it doesn't always work that way.

With that said, I do agree that saying that "she was so hot" was inappropriate, and saying it like that in an open office space environment does make it worse than trying to say the same thing privately.

Short Answer

"you might state that you overheard a few sexist remarks and that this bothers you" - from the accepted answer by Frank Hopkins

Do not say this.

If you really do say something, talk about your feelings and how you took offense from an off-hand comment. They're your feelings. No one can argue against them. But do not label that behavior.

Only label the issue if you bring it to HR or if this becomes a legal issue. But otherwise, if you're just looking for a friendly apology from the person in question, don't use that label with him.

Longer Answer

Calling the remark "sexist" adds a degree of shaming that may antagonize the person in question.

If the first and most prevalent impression about the presenter is his or her appearance, chances getting lowered he or she might be associated as a potential hiring candidate in the first place

You've reframed this issue as something more than it really is.

This woman isn't interviewing for a job at your company, nor does she even work for your company.

As a junior, giving a professional talk is a chance to prove...

And no, even if she was young, that makes her at the very least a senior engineer, not a junior one.

After all, not everyone gets invited to speak at professional conferences. And with the topic of machine learning, it isn't that uncommon to have young people be subject-matter experts on that topic.

...that has nothing to do with her professional competence." – Geoffrey Brent

"Remember the short bald guy. His head was so shiny!" or "He was so hot!" or "His voice was monotone." or "He was so creepy!"

My point being, as a public speaker at a conference, it would be nice if everybody remembered your presentation and discussed its content, but it doesn't always work that way.

With that said, I do agree that saying that "she was so hot" was inappropriate, and saying it like that in an open office space environment where six of you work does make it worse than trying to say the same thing privately.

deleted 707 characters in body
Source Link
Stephan Branczyk
  • 59.3k
  • 29
  • 129
  • 210

Short Answer

"you might state that you overheard a few sexist remarks and that this bothers you" - from the accepted answer by Frank Hopkins

Do not say this.

If you really do say something, talk about your feelings and how you took offense from an off-hand comment. They're your feelings. No one can argue against them. But do not label that behavior.

Only label the issue if you bring it to HR or if this becomes a legal issue. But otherwise, if you're just looking for a friendly apology from the person in question, don't use that label with him.

Longer Answer

Calling the remark "sexist" adds a degree of shaming that may antagonize the person in question.

If the first and most prevalent impression about the presenter is his or her appearance, chances getting lowered he or she might be associated as a potential hiring candidate in the first place (being known as "the machine learning girl" vs "the hot girl").

You don't knowYou've made this womana bigger issue than it really is. 

This woman doesn't work for your company. She isn't even interviewing for a job at your company.

But you've somehow reframed the situation as such.

This is troublesome because an innocent comment in one situation can easily be interpreted as a highly inappropriate one in a job-hunting setting.

The question you've got to ask yourself is: What was the state of mind of your two colleagues at the time? Were they thinking of the public speaker as a potential new hire, or were they thinking of her as a public speaker in a professional conference, somebody more qualified than they were?nor does she even work for your company.

And no, thisthe topic was machine learning. Being young doesn't mean that you're a junior employee. You're just projecting. If she was speaking at a professional conference, it most likely means that. Even if she was alreadyyoung, that makes her at the very least a senior engineer. Not everyone gets invited to speak to these, not a junior one.

SoAnd if there was a power differential in their mind, it's not the one you imagined. And the situation is more akin to a colleague saying how hot a visiting CEO was than the other way around.

My point being, as a public speaker at a conference, it would be nice if everybody remembered your presentation and discussed its content, but it doesn't always work that way. This is the side-effect of putting yourself out there as a public speaker in front of so many strangers. You can't really control what they say behind your back.

The same goes when your own colleagues start discussing how yummy the latest boy band is, or how hot your new city mayor is.

With that said, do not say this.

"you might state that you overheard a few sexist remarks and that this bothers you" - from the accepted answer by Frank Hopkins

If you reallyI do say somethingagree that saying that "she was so hot" was inappropriate, talk about your feelings and how you took offense from an off-hand comment. They're your feelings. No one can argue against them. But do not labelsaying it like that behavior.

Only label the issue if you bringin an open office space environment does make it worse than trying to HR or if this becomes a legal issue. But otherwise, if you're just looking for a friendly apology fromsay the person in question, don't use that label with himsame thing privately.

If the first and most prevalent impression about the presenter is his or her appearance, chances getting lowered he or she might be associated as a potential hiring candidate in the first place (being known as "the machine learning girl" vs "the hot girl").

You don't know this woman. This woman doesn't work for your company. She isn't even interviewing for a job at your company.

But you've somehow reframed the situation as such.

This is troublesome because an innocent comment in one situation can easily be interpreted as a highly inappropriate one in a job-hunting setting.

The question you've got to ask yourself is: What was the state of mind of your two colleagues at the time? Were they thinking of the public speaker as a potential new hire, or were they thinking of her as a public speaker in a professional conference, somebody more qualified than they were?

And no, this was machine learning. Being young doesn't mean that you're a junior employee. You're just projecting. If she was speaking at a professional conference, it most likely means that she was already a senior engineer. Not everyone gets invited to speak to these.

So if there was a power differential in their mind, it's not the one you imagined. And the situation is more akin to a colleague saying how hot a visiting CEO was than the other way around.

My point being, as a public speaker at a conference, it would be nice if everybody remembered your presentation and discussed its content, but it doesn't always work that way. This is the side-effect of putting yourself out there as a public speaker in front of so many strangers. You can't really control what they say behind your back.

The same goes when your own colleagues start discussing how yummy the latest boy band is, or how hot your new city mayor is.

With that said, do not say this.

"you might state that you overheard a few sexist remarks and that this bothers you" - from the accepted answer by Frank Hopkins

If you really do say something, talk about your feelings and how you took offense from an off-hand comment. They're your feelings. No one can argue against them. But do not label that behavior.

Only label the issue if you bring it to HR or if this becomes a legal issue. But otherwise, if you're just looking for a friendly apology from the person in question, don't use that label with him.

Short Answer

"you might state that you overheard a few sexist remarks and that this bothers you" - from the accepted answer by Frank Hopkins

Do not say this.

If you really do say something, talk about your feelings and how you took offense from an off-hand comment. They're your feelings. No one can argue against them. But do not label that behavior.

Only label the issue if you bring it to HR or if this becomes a legal issue. But otherwise, if you're just looking for a friendly apology from the person in question, don't use that label with him.

Longer Answer

Calling the remark "sexist" adds a degree of shaming that may antagonize the person in question.

If the first and most prevalent impression about the presenter is his or her appearance, chances getting lowered he or she might be associated as a potential hiring candidate in the first place

You've made this a bigger issue than it really is. 

This woman isn't interviewing for a job at your company, nor does she even work for your company.

And no, the topic was machine learning at a professional conference. Even if she was young, that makes her at the very least a senior engineer, not a junior one.

And if there was a power differential in their mind, it's not the one you imagined.

My point being, as a public speaker at a conference, it would be nice if everybody remembered your presentation and discussed its content, but it doesn't always work that way.

With that said, I do agree that saying that "she was so hot" was inappropriate, and saying it like that in an open office space environment does make it worse than trying to say the same thing privately.

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Stephan Branczyk
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Stephan Branczyk
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