Return to Answer

Don't accept the blame, but also don't defend yourself. Look for the kernel of truth that both you and the manager could potentially agree to. Verbalize that kernel of truth. Restate what happened at that HR meeting using own words, but keep any blaming language out of it. And no, don't call out HR on their use of blaming language.

Then, suggest an actual solution. For instance, negotiate a regular Monday/Wednesday/Friday 10 minutes standup meeting between you and your engineering manager. It doesn't have to be that specifically. That is just an example. Only you know a good solution to your potential problem.

And please don't use your suggested solution as a way to place the blame back on your manager. For instance, don't say "I think we should come back to the way things were before manager X stopped presenting updates and before he stopped coming to meetings." Saying that would not be constructive.

But if your manager is late for your meetings by even 10 minutes, make sure to email him when that happens. In that email, be sure to imply that you're also going to call him on the phone as well. But doing it first by email will help maintain a good digital record, that's why you also want to email him. Or if the manager says that those meetings are no longer necessary, email him and communicate the fact that you would prefer those meetings to continue. Again, doing this by email will give you cover if that manager goes to HR again. My point being. Even if you have a one-on-one conversation with him changing the terms of your arrangement, be sure to memorialize your understanding of that conversation via an email to him.

Also, print out any such emails, and keep them at home. In addition, keep a detailed log of everything. Be sure to record when he's not at your scheduled meetings. Or every time you've tried to initiate contact through email/phone/in person to give him updates. This detailed log will be your ace-in-the-hole. You'll want to keep a copy of it at work, in case you need it. And a copy of it at home, just in case. But if everything goes well, hopefully, you won't need it.

Don't accept the blame, but also don't defend yourself. Look for the kernel of truth that both you and the manager could potentially agree to. Verbalize that kernel of truth. Restate what happened at that HR meeting using own words, but keep any blaming language out of it. And no, don't call out HR on their own use of blaming language.

Then, suggest an actual solution. For instance, negotiate a regular Monday/Wednesday/Friday 10 minutes standup meeting between you and your engineering manager. It doesn't have to be that specifically. That is just an example. Only you know a good solution to your potential problem.

And if your manager is late for your meetings by even 10 minutes, make sure to email him when that happens. In that email, be sure to imply that you're also going to call him on the phone as well. But doing it first by email will help maintain a good digital record, that's why you also want to email him. Or if the manager says that those meetings are no longer necessary, email him and communicate the fact that you would prefer those meetings to continue. Again, doing this by email will give you cover if that manager goes to HR again. My point being. Even if you have a one-on-one conversation with him changing the terms of your arrangement, be sure to memorialize your understanding of that conversation via an email to him.

Also, print out any such emails, and keep them at home. In addition, keep a detailed log of everything. Be sure to record when he's not at your scheduled meetings. Or every time you've tried to initiate contact through email/phone/in person to give him updates. This detailed log will be your ace-in-the-hole. You'll want to keep a copy of it at work, in case you need it. And a copy of it at home, just in case. But if everything goes well, hopefully, you won't need it.

Don't accept the blame, but also don't defend yourself. Look for the kernel of truth that both you and the manager could potentially agree to. Verbalize that kernel of truth. Restate what happened at that HR meeting using own words, but keep any blaming language out of it. And no, don't call out HR on their use of blaming language.

Then, suggest an actual solution. For instance, negotiate a regular Monday/Wednesday/Friday 10 minutes standup meeting between you and your engineering manager. It doesn't have to be that specifically. That is just an example. Only you know a good solution to your potential problem.

And please don't use your suggested solution as a way to place the blame back on your manager. For instance, don't say "I think we should come back to the way things were before manager X stopped presenting updates and before he stopped coming to meetings." Saying that would not be constructive.

Then, if the manager is late for your meetings by even 10 minutes, make sure to email him when that happens. In that email, be sure to imply that you're also going to call him on the phone as well. But doing it first by email will help maintain a good digital record, that's why you also want to email him. Or if the manager says that those meetings are no longer necessary, email him and communicate the fact that you would prefer those meetings to continue. Again, doing this by email will give you cover if that manager goes to HR again. My point being. Even if you have a one-on-one conversation with him changing the terms of your arrangement, be sure to memorialize your understanding of that conversation via an email to him.

Also, print out any such emails, and keep them at home. In addition, keep a detailed log of everything. Be sure to record when he's not at meetings, or when he's late. And every time you've tried to initiate contact through email/phone/in person. This detailed log will be your ace-in-the-hole. You'll want to keep a copy of it at work, in case you need it. And a copy of it at home, just in case. But if everything goes well, hopefully, you won't need that log.

Don't accept the blame, but also don't defend yourself. Look for the kernel of truth that both you and the manager could potentially agree to. Verbalize that kernel of truth. Restate what happened at that HR meeting using own words, but keep any blaming language out of it. And no, don't call out HR on their use of blaming language.

Then, suggest an actual solution. For instance, negotiate a regular Monday/Wednesday/Friday 10 minutes standup meeting between you and your engineering manager. It doesn't have to be that specifically. That is just an example. Only you know a good solution to your potential problem.

And please don't use your suggested solution as a way to place the blame back on your manager. For instance, don't say "I think we should come back to the way things were before manager X stopped presenting updates and before he stopped coming to meetings." Saying that would not be constructive.

But if your manager is late for your meetings by even 10 minutes, make sure to email him when that happens. In that email, be sure to imply that you're also going to call him on the phone as well. But doing it first by email will help maintain a good digital record, that's why you also want to email him. Or if the manager says that those meetings are no longer necessary, email him and communicate the fact that you would prefer those meetings to continue. Again, doing this by email will give you cover if that manager goes to HR again. My point being. Even if you have a one-on-one conversation with him changing the terms of your arrangement, be sure to memorialize your understanding of that conversation via an email to him.

Also, print out any such emails, and keep them at home. In addition, keep a detailed log of everything. Be sure to record when he's not at your scheduled meetings. Or every time you've tried to initiate contact through email/phone/in person to give him updates. This detailed log will be your ace-in-the-hole. You'll want to keep a copy of it at work, in case you need it. And a copy of it at home, just in case. But if everything goes well, hopefully, you won't need it.

Don't accept the blame, but also don't defend yourself. Look for the kernel of truth that both you and the manager could potentially agree to. Verbalize that kernel of truth. Restate what happened at that HR meeting using own words, but keep any blaming language out of it. And no, don't call out HR on their use of blaming language.

Then, suggest an actual solution. For instance, negotiate a regular Monday/Wednesday/Friday 10 minutes standup meeting between you and your engineering manager. It doesn't have to be that specifically. That is just an example. Only you know a good solution to your potential problem.

And please don't use your suggested solution as a way to place the blame back on your manager. For instance, don't say "I think we should come back to the way things were before manager X stopped presenting updates and before he stopped coming to meetings." Saying that would not be constructive.

Then, if the manager is late for your meetings by even 10 minutes, make sure to email him when that happens. In that email, be sure to imply that you're also going to call him on the phone as well. But doing it first by email will help maintain a good digital record, that's why you also want to email him. Or if the manager says that those meetings are no longer necessary, email him and communicate the fact that you would prefer those meetings to continue. Again, doing this by email will give you cover if that manager goes to HR again. My point being. Even if you have a one-on-one conversation with him changing the terms of your arrangement, be sure to memorialize your understanding of that conversation via an email to him.

Also, print out any such emails, and keep them at home. In addition, keep a detailed log of everything. Be sure to record when he's not at meetings, or when he's late. This log will be your ace-in-the-hole. You'll want to keep a copy of it at work, in case you need it. And a copy of it at home, just in case.

Don't accept the blame, but also don't defend yourself. Look for the kernel of truth that both you and the manager could potentially agree to. Verbalize that kernel of truth. Restate what happened at that HR meeting using own words, but keep any blaming language out of it. And no, don't call out HR on their use of blaming language.

Then, suggest an actual solution. For instance, negotiate a regular Monday/Wednesday/Friday 10 minutes standup meeting between you and your engineering manager. It doesn't have to be that specifically. That is just an example. Only you know a good solution to your potential problem.

And please don't use your suggested solution as a way to place the blame back on your manager. For instance, don't say "I think we should come back to the way things were before manager X stopped presenting updates and before he stopped coming to meetings." Saying that would not be constructive.

Then, if the manager is late for your meetings by even 10 minutes, make sure to email him when that happens. In that email, be sure to imply that you're also going to call him on the phone as well. But doing it first by email will help maintain a good digital record, that's why you also want to email him. Or if the manager says that those meetings are no longer necessary, email him and communicate the fact that you would prefer those meetings to continue. Again, doing this by email will give you cover if that manager goes to HR again. My point being. Even if you have a one-on-one conversation with him changing the terms of your arrangement, be sure to memorialize your understanding of that conversation via an email to him.

Also, print out any such emails, and keep them at home. In addition, keep a detailed log of everything. Be sure to record when he's not at meetings, or when he's late. And every time you've tried to initiate contact through email/phone/in person. This detailed log will be your ace-in-the-hole. You'll want to keep a copy of it at work, in case you need it. And a copy of it at home, just in case. But if everything goes well, hopefully, you won't need that log.