Timeline for 20 years ago, a colleague said I should have treated a female employee differently due to the difficulties of working in a male-dominated industry
Current License: CC BY-SA 4.0
16 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Apr 11, 2022 at 12:56 | comment | added | rtaft | No gender issue here...this is a "I didn't do my job, even when explicitly asked to do it again". That would be grounds for termination no matter what gender or profession. | |
| Apr 11, 2022 at 12:47 | comment | added | Erika | @MartinArgerami Feel free to look up how to run a blameless retrospective. | |
| Apr 10, 2022 at 18:40 | comment | added | Martin Argerami | @Erika: honest question, if your team is brainstorming to find a mistake and one member says "I didn't test anything because I'm sure the mistake wasn't mine", and it turns out the mistake was theirs, how exactly do you deal with that? | |
| Apr 10, 2022 at 15:25 | comment | added | Erika | @Lodinn Feel free to look up why “blameless retrospectives” exist and how they’re run. | |
| Apr 10, 2022 at 6:42 | comment | added | Lodinn | @Erika Why, actually? Maybe berating specifically is a wrong approach but why not make it publicly known on a team meeting that the guidelines are to be followed? I.e. to me "you did something bad and you should feel bad" is obviously a poor approach, but "never ever do this again, any of you" sounds like fair game. | |
| Apr 9, 2022 at 21:41 | comment | added | Thomas | This hasn't caused anxiety :) and I would certainly not try to find her and contact her to discuss the topic now. It's just that when we reminisce about history, it's one of these cases that always felt unresolved to some extent. I think also, from the comments on this thread, many people may not realize how collegial and aggressive the dot com era was. It would be insane by today's standards and look like open executions. I've seen people gets screamed at and fired on their first week, people starting/relocating and get dismissed right away, etc different times and I don't miss them. | |
| Apr 9, 2022 at 14:58 | comment | added | Anthony | +1 irrespective of gender, I agree | |
| Apr 9, 2022 at 14:50 | comment | added | sdenham | "FF was wrong and 20 years ago you missed a clear and immediate opportunity to set your friend straight... Do you still have her number?" If someone called me out of the blue to "set me straight" over such a matter twenty years later, I would be concerned about their mental wellbeing, and I would not be entirely comfortable about any person who suggested this was a good idea, either. I am pretty sure you will not understand, but there is something creepy about this suggestion. | |
| Apr 9, 2022 at 14:44 | comment | added | Erika | @A.I.Breveleri If the question is “How could the situation have been handled to avoid two decades of unresolved anxiety?” (which is not clearly presented imo) the OP should’ve recognized it as a moment to learn from and accept it. If its actually caused “20 years of anxiety” (doubtful), seeking professional help would be advised. | |
| Apr 9, 2022 at 14:42 | comment | added | Erika | @A.I.Breveleri The OP is not in control of external persons. How FF provided feedback is not in OP’s control to have changed. How one handles a situation is exclusively about ones own response. | |
| Apr 9, 2022 at 5:46 | comment | added | jo1storm | @A.I.Breveleri notice also that FF treated his mistake much better than he treated his colleague's: in private, openly and told him precisely what he did wrong. As in, he didn't understand the struggle the other person was facing and decided to go full blast in public. And that's why it bothers him 20 years later. He was wrong but he didn't change. | |
| Apr 9, 2022 at 1:16 | comment | added | A. I. Breveleri | @Erika: I am responding to querent's actual question, which is "How could the situation have been handled to avoid two decades of unresolved anxiety?" - Note that FF did not say "You shouldn't scold anyone in an open meeting," which would have been correct. FF said "You should give SFE special consideration because she is a woman," which was, and is, wrong. | |
| Apr 8, 2022 at 21:30 | comment | added | Erika | Berating colleagues is never the professional approach in a team setting. FF was pointing that out, though making it gender-specific. OP should've discussed the situation with the SFE calmly afterwards to explore what was learned and how to improve how the team works together. | |
| Apr 8, 2022 at 14:50 | history | edited | A. I. Breveleri | CC BY-SA 4.0 |
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| Apr 8, 2022 at 14:44 | history | edited | A. I. Breveleri | CC BY-SA 4.0 |
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| Apr 8, 2022 at 14:35 | history | answered | A. I. Breveleri | CC BY-SA 4.0 |