Timeline for How to effectively manage team members when they are your friends?
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
10 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
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| Jul 27, 2016 at 19:27 | comment | added | IDrinkandIKnowThings | I would even agree with it is very difficult... but cannot is absolute and that makes it false since just one example proves it wrong... | |
| Jul 27, 2016 at 18:30 | comment | added | Lilienthal♦ | @8protons Well-put. I'll add what I've already hinted at in the post: this isn't just about whether the department will run well. Even if we assume that we can predict whether someone can remain friends while managing, the overly friendly relationship will still make peers, management or new hires think that the manager's friends receive beneficial treatment. | |
| Jul 27, 2016 at 17:37 | comment | added | 8protons | @Chad I think that 95/100 times, Lilienthal's statement that "managers cannot be friends with the people they manage" is correct. It's similar to when a parent tries to be best friends with their child (who isn't an adult). Typically, the child ,and the parent, are too immature to handle a complex relationship and to decipher in every interaction if the parent is "currently the parent" or "currently the friend". You may have anecdotal evidence that suggests otherwise- and I think that's probably because you and your employees are very mature. For most others, I find that this doesn't work. | |
| Sep 15, 2015 at 15:57 | comment | added | IDrinkandIKnowThings | I encounter things that strain relationships of people i don't work with. Yes it can be difficult but it is not impossible as you indicate. Think about this. How many people do you know that get fired regularly? Chances are you are not going to have to fire them. You may have to coach them but being friends I think makes that easier not harder. | |
| Sep 15, 2015 at 15:30 | comment | added | Lilienthal♦ | Unless you're working in a Workplace Utopia you will encounter situations that will strain a friendship. My argument is that it's better and more responsible to cleanly sever that relationship when assuming management authority. That sucks, but it's the price you pay for going into management. | |
| Sep 15, 2015 at 15:30 | comment | added | Lilienthal♦ | @Chad I'd encourage you to step away from such a black-and-white "I can do this so everyone can" mentality. It's statistically unlikely that everyone on your team is a top performer and keeping sub-standard employees on when they should be told to improve or should be replaced is just one of the possible scenarios where being overly friendly with your reports can compromise your responsibilities as a manager. | |
| Sep 15, 2015 at 15:07 | comment | added | IDrinkandIKnowThings | I had one lay me off, at 2 different positions. I know its not exactly the same as being fired but maybe what you could say is it is impossible to stay friends with your manager if you are not competent or diligent at your job. | |
| Sep 15, 2015 at 15:03 | comment | added | Lilienthal♦ | @Chad Would you still be friends if you had to fire one of them? I think I added enough qualifiers to that statement and it's possible that you're one of the lucky few who can mix real friendship with management but for the vast majority of managers this dynamic will end up going wrong, sometimes spectacularly so. | |
| Sep 15, 2015 at 14:55 | comment | added | IDrinkandIKnowThings | managers cannot be friends with the people they manage. I completely disagree with this statement. I have been and still am friends with several of my former managers and was friends with them when I was their report. I would remove that sentence from your answer. Otherwise I think this is pretty spot on. | |
| Sep 15, 2015 at 10:56 | history | answered | Lilienthal♦ | CC BY-SA 3.0 |