Timeline for How to deal with colleagues saying they don't need help in public but asking for it in private
Current License: CC BY-SA 4.0
25 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
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| Apr 30, 2021 at 3:21 | comment | added | PC Luddite | @TasosPapastylianou whether or not it comes of as passive aggressive definitely depends on how you frame the email and the nature of the project. If it's high level and the boss is expecting to see regular updates anyway, or he's working closely with the boss on the project, I see it as entirely appropriate. You of course have to watch your tone though. | |
| Apr 29, 2021 at 13:37 | comment | added | WoJ | "Hi Peter, as per our conversation after today's XXX meeting ...". While you are at it, make it clear that the guy is a (poor) political player. | |
| Apr 29, 2021 at 13:10 | comment | added | Old_Lamplighter | @ThorbjørnRavnAndersen that's the beauty of this advice, it works either way. | |
| Apr 29, 2021 at 8:12 | comment | added | Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen | I don't think this is about stealing work but about Peter not wanting the boss to know that he is not as experienced as he is expected to be. | |
| S Apr 29, 2021 at 4:22 | history | suggested | Peter Mortensen | CC BY-SA 4.0 |
Copy edited (e.g. ref. <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentence_clause_structure#Run-on_sentences> (see also <https://twitter.com/PeterMortensen/status/1199839973215739907>)).
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| Apr 29, 2021 at 1:54 | review | Suggested edits | |||
| S Apr 29, 2021 at 4:22 | |||||
| Apr 28, 2021 at 19:55 | comment | added | Tasos Papastylianou | @Old_Lamplighter no need, I agree with your answer for the most part, which is why I preferred to attach a comment. I just felt the "cc the boss" could be qualified a bit more. | |
| Apr 28, 2021 at 15:15 | comment | added | Old_Lamplighter | @TasosPapastylianou There's plenty of room for other answers here. Post one better than mine, and I'll set a bounty and give you 200 pts | |
| Apr 28, 2021 at 14:58 | comment | added | Tasos Papastylianou | I disagree with the "just cc the boss" approach. It's unnecessarily passive aggressive. A more civilised alternative is to point out that the purpose of the meeting was to allocate tasks, you have yours, and you need to ask (or at least inform) your boss to switch tasks (similarly, the boss may want to reassign your colleague to another task). IF your colleague agrees (they may not, in which case it's their problem again) then you're both on board and the task switch is formal, with the boss' blessing. If I were the boss and started receiving "cover my ass" emails, I wouldn't be too impressed. | |
| Apr 28, 2021 at 12:17 | comment | added | Old_Lamplighter | @DonQuiKong Perhaps you could offer an answer from that perspective to add some contrast in the answers? | |
| Apr 28, 2021 at 11:49 | comment | added | BigMadAndy | @RedSonja, not sure if that's universal. Maybe at a lower experience level. But my bosses never really know what I'm doing. They know it approximately because of the emails I cc them in or when I mention something during 1:1s. Of course they also know my main priorities, but only high-level, definitely not in detail. | |
| Apr 28, 2021 at 10:41 | comment | added | RedSonja | Actually your boss should always be aware of what you are doing. So if you spend x hours helping someone you have to tell him. For many reasons. | |
| Apr 28, 2021 at 10:18 | comment | added | DonQuiKong | @old_lamplighter you could ask your boss to prioritize because you don't have time for both at the moment and act surprised. Can't do that often, but it is less aggressive than just ccing them. Drop it casually here and there. Or have a chat with your boss about something like including the extra work in your performance review or whatever. | |
| Apr 28, 2021 at 6:24 | comment | added | Paul Karam | I can relate to that.. in a slight different version. My boss in my first job used to take credit for all what I do even if I did it alone without him telling me to do X task | |
| Apr 27, 2021 at 18:48 | comment | added | Old_Lamplighter | @DonQuiKong how would you do it less obviously? | |
| Apr 27, 2021 at 18:20 | comment | added | DonQuiKong | This solution is not very sophisticated. Or in other words, it will be quite obvious to everyone what you're doing. The thought is exactly right though. Make sure you're not doing work without your boss knowing about it. Just ... I'd try to be less obvious. | |
| Apr 27, 2021 at 18:12 | comment | added | bob | I'd do this only if the answer by HawkingRadiation isn't an option. | |
| Apr 27, 2021 at 17:09 | comment | added | CCTO | I think this is a great answer; I'd add that that the person may be doing this because there are individuals in the initial meeting that, for whatever reason, they don't want involved. Maybe they'd prefer to work with you but are wary of getting trapped into working with this other party. I'm not saying this isn't a clumsy way of handling it, just that it may be what's going on behind the scenes. | |
| Apr 27, 2021 at 13:50 | comment | added | Kevin | +1 simply for "letting the boss know what you're doing". To be honest, I think OP misdiagnosed the problem. It's not whether Peter asks for help in private or public; it's that OP's helping Peter without the boss knowing (which is why its possible for them to not have recognition.) And it enables other problems, such as OP working on something for Peter when they've got a more important project the boss would rather them be focusing on. | |
| Apr 26, 2021 at 21:36 | history | edited | Old_Lamplighter | CC BY-SA 4.0 |
added 15 characters in body
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| Apr 26, 2021 at 21:32 | comment | added | Old_Lamplighter | @BigMadAndy When I was young, people took advantage of me like that all the time. | |
| Apr 26, 2021 at 21:31 | comment | added | Old_Lamplighter | @BigMadAndy Yes, sorry. I went back and edited that in. But yes, make sure your boss knows what you are doing. That solves both of your problems. People won't be duplicitous if they know the boss is being CC'd and you'll get the credit you deserve, plus you will be known as a "team player" | |
| Apr 26, 2021 at 21:30 | history | edited | Old_Lamplighter | CC BY-SA 4.0 |
added 15 characters in body
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| Apr 26, 2021 at 21:19 | comment | added | BigMadAndy | You mean send it with my boss in cc? | |
| Apr 26, 2021 at 21:09 | history | answered | Old_Lamplighter | CC BY-SA 4.0 |