Co-worker regularly placing his foot on my desk - how to get out of the situation?

Question

A certain co-worker of mine has a habit of placing his foot on my desk while conversing with me. My desk is an L shape and where he stands is not across the desk from me, but at the end of one of the legs. This makes me uncomfortable as his crotch is at a relatively close distance to my face. I cannot roll my chair back too far because the other leg of the desk and a wall are behind me.

The situation is further complicated because I am a woman and he is my direct superior. I honestly believe that he does not know it makes me uncomfortable. Nor do I believe there is anything sexual about the behavior. He is in his late fifties and I really think he is just used to a different 'time and place'.

I realize the most honest solution would be to directly confront him about the issue but in the past when I have done this it always results in this odd period that can last for days where he acts like he has been offended, mopes around, and generally avoids me.

I live and work in the US.

My questions are: Is it appropriate for someone to place their feet on your desk when speaking to you? Is it appropriate for a supervisor to place their feet on a subordinate's desk?

Any advice on non-verbal ways to indicate that this is an uncomfortable physical setting are greatly appreciated as well.

Answer 1

Tell him you like to keep a clean desk, and don't appreciate his shoe being there.

This is really not a strange thing to say. In fact, it's probably something I would say if someone were to start putting his shoe on my desk in the manner you described.

Yeah, it's still not going to be fun conversation, but it's a hell of a lot better than "your crotch is uncomfortably close to my face".

It's been suggested to put "stuff" on the desk. If this is really a consistent mannerism I strongly suspect it will simply be shoved aside, but you could try it. But do you really want to keep worrying about keeping "stuff" on your desk for the sake of this? What if you forget? Does this mean you're faced with another awkward situation? It doesn't strike me a viable long-term solution.

Answer 2

Your boss has a very strange power pose and is oddly flexible if he can get one foot on your desk and keep one foot on the floor.

You can:

• talk to your HR department for advice. You don't have mention him by name or title. Do document when this occurs.
• directly tell him his positioning makes you uncomfortable
• strike a power pose too and maybe it'll scare him off
• stand up when he enters your office/cubicle
• as others have noted, put pictures and knickknacks on your desk so he cannot put his foot on your desk
• sneeze violently and accidentally punch him in the family jewels (warning: could lose your job though it would be epic)

Does he do it to male employees too, just you or other female employees? Honestly, this is bordering on sexual harassment. My vote is for talking to your HR department for advice.

Answer 3

I would stand up in that situation. If you are simply speaking to each other, stand and face him, and continue the conversation. If you need to work on a computer screen, for a short period of time you can do so standing up. But my guess is you're not working on a computer screen or you would just be able to stare at that and not have to deal with his body language.

If he reacts oddly when you stand, you could perhaps "cover" by offering him your chair, or by perching on the edge of your desk so that you're still sort of sitting. But staying in your chair while he manspreads at you is making you feel awkward, and rightly so. Stop putting up with it.

If talking out loud about his nonverbal behaviours upsets him (either because he's not really aware that he's doing them, or why, or because he doesn't like his deliberate activities not working) then fine, don't talk about them. But that doesn't mean you have to sit at your desk while someone looms over you and puts you uncomfortably close to their crotch.

Answer 4

Is it appropriate for a supervisor to place their feet on a subordinate's desk?

No it's not. Putting your feet up in someone else's space is disrespectful at best. A male crotch display is an even more aggressive signal denoting dominance. This is not normal in a professional setting and shouldn't be tolerated.

As for a non verbal way to prevent it, my preference would be a verbal one. But on reflection you could put something on that part of your desk, or just push his foot off (got that suggestion from my wife just now).

Answer 5

Jcmack gives good suggestions. An additional idea? You could try starting with a non-aggressive but clear approach, "woah, dude. You're all up in my business. Gimme some space!"

If / when he does it again: "seriously. You're like all up in my business. I need some space."

Then if he is still tone deaf and does it again, stand up (so you're not in a passive position), and be direct. Calmly but firmly (and directly) describe the behavior and say how it makes you feel. "Greg, when you put your foot up on my desk, I feel like my personal space is getting cramped. Could you give me a little space?" Preferably do this when others are around to discourage him from doing or saying anything embarassing, and to give you witnesses.

Write down the date and time when you did each thing. If the above doesn't work, then talk to HR, with your dates and times in hand. He probably just needs a sensitivity training refresher. No biggie.

He probably doesn't even realize what he's doing or that he's making you uncomfortable, so be patient but firm. If he sulks, let him. Just because he's clueless doesn't mean you need to have his junk all up in your face.

Answer 6

I suggest checking with female coworkers to see if he does the same thing with them. Or just stroll past other cubes when you see him go in and see if he's doing this same behavior with others (male and female). If he is then it's probably just a weird mannerism. If he's NOT, tell him to knock it off (nicely or not - your choice), start recording dates/times/etc, and if this really keeps up go to HR, knowing that it could blow up in your face. This is the kind of thing that I think (most) all males know NOT to do, and frankly it strikes me as harassment. YMMV. Best of luck.

Answer 7

I don't like all those answers about being rude yourself. I don't think it has anything to do with gender either since this is just a weird way to be positioned.

I usually go with finding solution and be honest if he ask. I would offer him a chair every time, or stand up every time. If he ask, be honest, diplomatic and short "This position bothers me." or "I think better when we are at the same height".

Answer 8

A variation on the answers suggesting placing objects on the desk: try placing a tea tray on the area of the desk where the co-worker habitually places his foot.

Unlike knick-knacks, pictures, etc, this is not something that he would be likely to move out of the way before placing his foot on it - but if he does then go ahead and put his foot on it, it will most likely slip off the desk and probably up-end him too.

This may discourage his odd poses in future.

Answer 9

Yes, the behavior is inappropriate - in almost any culture. However, it is not clear whether he realises it is inappropriate.

I manage quite a few staff - both male and female - and wouldn't dream of behaving with them that way. Nor would I tolerate them doing that with me.

When I was fairly junior, I had a boss (3 levels up) come in, introduce himself (first time we'd met), sit down, and put both his feet on my desk. I looked him in the eye with a slight frown, looked at his feet for a moment, looked him in the eye again, waited about five seconds, and then swept his feet off my desk. He was notoriously bad with names, but I was one of the few people who's name he consistently remembered. To the best of my knowledge, he never put his feet on anyone else's desk again in the workplace.

Now, okay, I'm a male, and a female might not want to physically sweep his feet off the desk. However, the non-verbal bit, followed by a polite "would you please get your foot off my desk?" is quite reasonable. In hindsight, looking back on my situation, I'd prefer I'd done it that way.

If he persists with the behaviour, do the same again. But once only. Then raise it with HR. It is always better to genuinely try to sort out a situation directly first.

Behaviour you tolerate is behaviour you accept.

Answer 10

I realize the most honest solution would be to directly confront him about the issue but in the past when I have done this it always results in this odd period that can last for days where he acts like he has been offended, mopes around, and generally avoids me.

1. It is your desk.
2. He is in your space, inappropriately.

By confronting him, you have done nothing wrong, so why should it bother you that he is upset that he has been called on such inappropriate behavior?

Would your mother not confront you if she thought it would make you mope around?

If you are not being rude or condescending I see no reason that you should acknowledge him acting like he is offended. He is offended, should he be, probably not, but that is not your problem.

Casually ask him (nicely) not to put his feet on your desk, there is nothing wrong with that request.

I would find it very unusual for someone to put one foot several feet off the ground onto my desk while standing in front of me like you have described.

Don't hesitate, the second he puts his foot up, interrupt him mid sentence and say very nicely "please keep your feet off my desk", don't raise your voice or anything, keep a steady tone.

Answer 11

His behaviour is a dominance display, and IMHO has sexual dominance overtones. He sounds uncouth. I doubt a verbal approach would work as effectively as a non-verbal one to a non-verbal behaviour, so dind a non-verbal counter - here's one idea:

Have a largish, light object handy, a broad-rimmed hat would be ideal. As soon as he does the crotch display, pick the hat up and place it over his crotch while saying "I prefer not having to look at your crotch in such detail". Keep a neutral expression.

This will demean him, as it's almost a non-verbal emasculation and he won't like it, but being the neanderthal that he is, he won't show he doesn't like it.

If he removes it, put it back. If he repeats the behaviour in a later visit, just keep doing it.

If he closes his crotch by placing the crossing his feet on your desk, say "And by the way I don't like you putting your dirty feet on my desk".

Take charge of your space. Don't be threatening - alpha males don't like that. But don't be submissive, which is what you are right now - by not reacting, you're non-verbally saying "I accept you dominating/demeaning me in this way", which is reinforcing his sense of power. Let him know that in your space, you're in charge. Remove the power rush he gets and pretty soon he'll stop the behaviour.

He won't complain to HR (or anyone else) about you - even he must know at some level that his behaviour is appalling and he won't want to describe the situation to anyone.