Is manipulation a soft skill? [closed]

Question

All my life I have been studying technical areas (hard skills) like programming, maths, statistics, German, data analysis, etc.

That makes me isolate myself to learn this stuff and now I have problems with relations with people especially in harassment environments (mobbing). I realized this problem years ago but months ago it became too evident. Also, I heard the highest positions in enterprises/startups are more about the soft skills than hard skills. I agree that soft skills are very important.

So the question here is what is the line between the soft skills

• charismatic, motivational people, good relations, good working environment (that's nice)

• and manipulators, liars, nice soft skills only with people on the same line of command, high pressures projects, bad pay, frozen salaries, harassment between coworker for dominance etc.

Both can be ok as soft skills and maybe for historical reasons the second soft skills named is winning.

How do you deal with that? Are there rules or books about that?

I have met people with great manipulation techniques and they have achieved whatever they wanted thanks to their experience with these soft skills.

Answer 1

Yes, manipulation techniques are soft skills as interpreted in most corporate settings.

There will be people who will tell you that's absolutely not the case and companies reward sincere, straightforward behavior but from my experience in international corporations in several countries that's absolutely not the case. And it doesn't even matter much if we are talking about business or IT, although the latter is a bit better (hard skills matter slightly more).

I've had plenty of job interviews where I was tested on how well I can manipulate people. It's normally a mixture of creating a bond and having power over somebody (knowing their boss, etc.).

Plus, there is research that shows that people get jobs based on their "likeability" and less, their hard skills. Basically you have to convince/ manipulate people into believing you're one of them.

I've also had several bosses who told me: "You have to make your team members like you, otherwise they won't want to do overtime. You don't tell them to do overtime, they should want to do it themselves without you saying a word" (meaning "unpaid overtime" obviously).

The reality of such organizations doesn't differ much from politics. It's about power. If you want to progress, it's mostly about finding a way to influence people's behavior and in most cases at least some of these ways aren't 100% ethical.

Answer 2

Yes, making other people do what you want them to do is a soft skill.

There is no one skill "good influencing" and another skill "bad manipulation". It's the same thing, just as a steak knife can be "Exhibit A: the murder weapon" at the same time as being a useful kitchen tool.

how do you deal with that?

The same way you deal with the steak knife example. You like barbeque? Great, go to more of them. You dislike criminals stabbing people? Good choice, you stay away from them. A known criminal gives a barbeque? Well, think hard about where your priorities are, we cannot answer that for you. But keep in mind nobody got convicted or murdered for missing a barbeque.

So if you meet a manipulator, it's your choice whether you want to empower them by doing what they say, being on their team or being their subordinate. You could switch teams or jobs or just plain don't let yourself be manipulated. Assuming you have the choice. If you are working minimum wage at the last place that will take you, you'll have to duck and cover and pray for the best. But in that situation, the manipulator is only the tip of the iceberg of your problems anyway.

Answer 3

Manipulation is a soft skill, and their are plenty of books about it

One of the more well know is The 48 Laws of Power, which talks more to your second point.

And How to Win Friends and Influence People, which talks more to your first point.

There are plenty of other books on soft skills, but these two tend to come up the most. I've read both and they were both useful. You'll gain two important skills from them. First, how to interact with people so they feel important, valued, and understood (hint - everyone wants this), and how to identify people who will torpedo your career.

Answer 4

Manipulation is not a soft skill, it is a double-edged sword. It gives the manipulator an edge - until they are found out, and then you can be sure there is payback time. And they will be found out.