Should I say to my manager that I don't trust her anymore [closed]

Question

I'm in a small dev team as a solution developer. In this team we have a solution architect and a manager, the rest of us are solution developers.

In the other room there's the boss/product owner (we produce solutions that we try to sell, so the P.O. is a member of the company). P.O. interact first of all with solution architect, then with manager. And here comes the problem...

One of my direct colleagues (a solution developer like) has a really strange relationship with my manager (and viceversa):

• They are desktop neighbour but they prefer to secretly use Skype rather than public speaking (every single day);
• They sometimes comes together in the morning and go out together in the evening;
• They do a sort of constant pair programming, in which my colleague tries to help my manager (for hours) on very basic issues. She could call the solution architect and have the problem resolved in a fast way;

Can this situation harm me and/or my career perspectives?

I have often observed the situation and I have the feeling that she always tries to push/advertise him above the others. For instance if the product owner is around she always offers her congratulations to everything he said (even the most stupid things) while she tries to reduce the others. I have discovered yesterday that solution architect has the same feelings, but this situation doesn't touch him, since he is in another role.

What should I do? I have the need to say that I don't trust anymore. I know this is a bad idea but actually this is probably the one thing that could relieve me. What would you do in my place?

PS section

• I don't know if they have an affair. Anyway I don't think so, is more a need of protection that they gain each other;
• I have a wonderfull social-relationship with her, my problem is job-focused
• I started to be paranoid after other non-DEV people noticed their attitude. I'm not crazy. Again, solutions architect thinks like me. Two paranoids at once?
• I'm not a slacker and i'm not acting in any non-professional way. Solution architect (for instance) appreciate me and my job;
• They don't use chat to be less disturbing. Infact when they aren't chatting they are noisy and sometimes other colleagues need to say "please, I'm working". I don't think the boss will be happy...
• What I called pair-programming isn't the real pair-programming. They seat on the same computer for hours trying to resolve problem that me, or the solution architect could resolve in few minutes but they don't ask for pride. This is not good, and boss won't be happy

Answer 1

Let's start with the impartiality issue. No one anywhere in any office is impartial. It never happens. Everyone judges all the time based on their own personal biases.

So stop even worrying about impartiality, you can take it as a given that every single boss you will ever have will be partial to someone. The trick is to make yourself one of the people that person is partial to (but not necessarily the way your co-worker is doing it if there is an actual affair.).

By stirring up the pot about how suspicious the behavior is looking, you are making sure that you will not be looked upon well by senior management; not just this person but anyone above her. So stop it this minute. What you are doing is going to cause more of an issue for you and destroy your own credibility than just about any other action you could be taking in this situation.

You don't have to trust or like your boss either to work well for them. That too is a logical fallacy that you need to nip in the bud. You work well for any person you are assigned to work for. Period. Because you are being paid to work well. Anything less is fraud.

Now there are times when a personal relationship gets in the way at work. (Believe me I know this one because I was once the manager of a person who was having an affair with my boss. And I once had a totally unqualfied person become the project manager when she started dating the CEO; she had been his secretary before becoming the project manager.)

You however have no proof of such a relationship. And most of the time it is not in your best benefit to be the person who complains about it even if you have proof.

I have seen a lot of people have affairs at work through the years. The complainer about the relationship almost always loses credibility and respect, sometimes more than the people engaging in the behavior. (Of course in a boss-subordinate intimate relationship, the subordinate often loses his or her job eventually, so it is just plain stupid to get into these kinds of relationships.) It's not fair, but then fair is a concept you also need to ditch; the world is not and never will be fair.

Generally these things go two ways, the couple comes out into the open and gets married in which case, the subordinate is generally removed from the team to prevent favoritism. Or the relationship ends badly and the subordinate gets fired.

In either case, the best move on your part is to stay out of it. Instead, keep doing your job and do it well, eventually that will be noticed. If the favoritism gets really bad, then you always have the option to find a different job, and if you have kept it professional on your part and done your work to the best of your ability, you will find that next job easier to find than if you slack off because you don't trust your boss. Accomplishments help you get better jobs, slacking off doesn't. Remember it is never in your own best interests to fail to do what you are being paid to do because something has upset you.

Answer 2

My suggestion here would be to type out a well thought out letter, print it out, and then promptly put it in the office shredder. Hopefully that will help unburden whatever you're feeling.

Assuming there really is some sort of issue here; nothing good can come of you coming out and saying that you don't trust her. If there really is some sort of favoritism going on; it will start to be noticed by your other peers as well. (and right now there is no indication of that; just that these two are real buddy-buddy at the moment) Right now you're operating on pure paranoia/speculation.

In any environment I've seen; there are always people who work well together and ones who don't. Until you see actual evidence of this favoritism you're suspecting (promotions/benefits/perks); you're really just trying to fit what you're seeing with whatever notions you have in your head.

Answer 3

Are you asking if you telling your manager you don't trust him/her is a good idea? Telling anybody you don't trust them is going to make them feel sour about you, and it sounds like your manager plays politics more than work so it would be an extremely bad idea to tell your manager you don't trust them - especially if he/her builds or tears people down to other people.

You ever heard the term "play the game"? That's essentially what's happening here. In my career, people better at social skills and less so at working bond with the managers over doing more work and this gets them ahead. They essentially create a personal bond which gives the manager, lead, whatever a good association with that person and through them talking highly of said person they 'climb the ladder'. This also makes it really hard to fire said person since they now have a 'personal connection' with that person which also helps them get ahead, extra privelegs, better projects, etc.. This is the 'old' way of doing things and things are changing but a lot of companies still run through this system.

The corporate world is more about personal relationships inside the company then it is about the work you do, that's just the way it is - it's been like that for a long time. This is the reason I prefer to work for independent companies where everyone works as a team and no egos or personal bonds make more of a difference than the work you put in.

To answer your question fully vent outside of the workplace about political issues, there isn't any good that can come from bringing negative things into the workplace, especially about your manager and even more so TO your manager about your manager. You can also put more effort into working with your manager on 'pair programming' projects, etc... it's not a bad thing that people are working together I do feel you on it become a favoritism thing and if your company runs that way there really isn't anything you can do. There are better places out there that don't work like this but you'll also have to work harder and not have as much 'lax' if you chose a place like that - there is always give and take so you just need to figure out what it is you like to do more or are better at (playing the game, or working) and find the proper place that let's you do that. If situations like this are hard to handle then it's possible you're in the wrong place.

Answer 4

You must really love to butt into things that are none of your business. How they live their lives and how they choose to do their work has nothing to do with you. And nobody needs to cater to your paranoia to make you feel better about yourself.

If you came to me with this type of complaint, I'd fire you in about two seconds. I don't need this kind of petty-mindedness around the office. And your co-workers don't deserve to be subjected to it.

Telling your manager that you don't trust her anymore will most likely lead you straight to the unemployment line. Telling the truth to a prospective employer as to why you got fired will almost guarantee your non-employability. Frankly, your own narrative does not make you look very good as an individual. At least, in my eyes. And you are not giving her any reason to like you. Unlike you, if your manager doesn't like you, she can do something about it. Fast.

Answer 5

Your available options are to see if you can transfer to another department, find another job entirely, or learn how to drop this. Frankly, I don't think you're going to survive long on the next job either unless you do learn how to focus on your own work rather than someone else's. From your description there is nothing illegal or damaging to the company or even clearly questionable going on -- unless you count the damage you and others are doing by spreading rumors and wasting time and energy on them.