How can I politely decline collecting donations for birthday presents?

Question

There's a weird practice in some companies to collect funds for birthday presents.

It is usually reasoned with "team building", "good fellowship" and stuff like that. It became almost obligatory, and you have to explain yourself every time why you don't wish to participate. Of course, it ruins my reputation since most of the team participate.

To me, it sounds weird, useless, and even harmful because of many reasons:

• If I sympathize someone and I want to make a present, I will do it by myself;
• New team members certainly do not sympathize anyone else since they simply did not have time to grow such sympathy;
• For people working for a long time, the entire thing looks like a useless rotations of your $20 when you invest it first and then get it back as a birthday present;
• For my own birthday, I want to get an useful something, while corporate presents are often useless;

In addition to birthdays, similar presents occur on "Men's Day" (a day of establishment of a National Army), when all female colleagues present something to male colleagues, and, correspondingly, "Women's Day".

Considering I'm not a top manager who establishes these rules, what are my best options?

UPDATE At the moment, my approach is that I'm following a fictional religion that prevents me to accept the birthday presents. It is weird as well, but no more than the problem. :)

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Related: How can I politely decline a team lunch?

Answer 1

One thing you might consider, that no one else has mentioned yet, is to talk to your Human Resources department. Many times companies will have policies in place against solicitation without specific approval, and it's possible that this could fall within that category.

One way to avoid being put on the spot could be to see if HR can enforce this policy by sending out an email that highlights any policy on the matter.

For instance, perhaps HR could insist that the people soliciting money must leave an anonymous donation box in the break room. This gives people who wish to participate an opportunity to do so without exposing those who don't wish to do so, for whatever reason.

So, contact HR and ask if there's a policy on solicitation. In most cases, your conversations with HR should be confidential, so even if there is nothing they can do, this could help you avoid looking like the bad guy.

Of course, one challenge is that people seem to like the idea of the whole exercise seeming like a surprise, despite the fact that many people have become very good at remembering the exact date on which they were born. To solve this problem, break the collecting of money up into monthly cycles.

In January, put the donation box in and announce it's for February birthdays. In February, mark it March. Use the money collected for each month for the birthdays that occur in that month. People know when their birthday is coming, so it can't really be that much of a surprise, especially if this is the culture. ;) And if people stop donating, then the whole birthday buying idea just might die altogether, and you still win! Or rather, you're niece wins and gets her barbie doll, without sending Uncle Bytebuster to the poor house! ;)

Answer 2

If this is established custom in a workplace, you can't expect to decline and have no social consequence.

Whatever reason you give for declining to participate, people will see you as an outsider, at least on this specific issue. If you are part of other social activities, it may just be chalked up to a personal quirk of yours.

How you politely decline will depend very much on your relationship with whomever does the collections and with the group that the collections are done for - you could use humour (I already gave at the office/home), you can explain your objections in a polite way (I already bought a present / I really don't know x yet).

It is up to you to judge what approach will work best without marking you out as an outsider.

Answer 3

I sympathize with your desire not to participate, as a childless, single woman, I can't tell you how many baby and wedding showers I have been asked to contribute to and I don't even ever get a present in return.

But the truth is, there is no graceful way to decline these things and not look like a jerk. If you have accepted a birthday present already, then you truly are obligated to contribute to others. If you haven't, then you still need to make the contribution or you are likely to be very negatively viewed by your colleagues no matter how politiely you decline and no matter if you refuse a present of your own (which it would be VERY RUDE to do after they bought one). If people who make less than you contribute, then you will especially be perceived as entitled and uppity.

So really, you should just budget a small amount for this and then pay up graciously and graciously accept the present in turn and tell people how nice it was. You could try to change the company culture, but, unless a lot of the others hate the custom too, you still come off as a jerk who thinks he is too good for the rest of us.

Answer 4

I think the making excuses is making things worse. Just like if a cashier asks for your phone number or zip code, you don't have to give them any reason for not doing it. Or if your boss asks you to consistently work extra hours, the best reply is "Sorry, I can't," with no reason given. No excuse, nothing to argue with.

So, I would probably say something like "the whole gift thing doesn't work for me." If you're really worried about the social consequences, I agree with user856 that you can time this appropriately to help diminish the impact.

Answer 5

I think the best solution is to bring this kind of issue up when no one is going around collection. If you do it at that point it seems like you are being cheap, or even worse you dislike the specific person.
If I would do that I would as my birthday comes up. At that time let everyone know that you do not want a present from the company, and you dislike the idea.

By declining a present yourself, you do not seem cheap, or single any person out as not wanting to contribute to.

If not yourself it would be OK to do it if no one's birthday is nearby. Once someone is making the rounds, it is too late, and you must chip in.

This has worked in my personal life, so I would think it would be the same professionally.