How to deal with colleagues who explain things I already know?

Question

I am a programmer and my colleague is a scientist, we are similar ages and at the same seniority. Neither of us have a background in economics, though I have studied some economics out of interest.

One day an economist was visiting our department, and the Phillips Economic Machine came up. My colleague started explaining to me what it was, and I said "Oh yes, they're awesome, there's one in the Science Museum in London...", and the conversation carried on happily.

Later the same day, with a different economist, the subject of Nassim Taleb came up, and my colleague turned to me and started to explain to that Nassim Taleb wrote a book called Black Swan, about unusual events... I rolled my eyes and said "I know who Nassim Taleb is", before the conversation continued. My colleague perceived my eye-rolling as rude, and said so.

I believe my colleague was trying to be helpful, and I shouldn't have rolled my eyes. However, I was annoyed by my colleague's assumption that I needed the explanation, about a really popular author, in a field in which neither of us is an expert, when I had demonstrated that I already knew about a more obscure topic in popular economics a few hours earlier.

Unfortunately, explaining happens to me quite a bit, and I usually ignore it, but get irritated internally. Sometimes after I've given a talk about a specialist programming topic, people will come up and start telling me about much more introductory topics in the same field, unsolicited.

What's a polite, gentle way to stop people explaining to you things that you already know? I'm not talking about situations where the person has no context about you: I'm talking about situations where you've already shown that you have knowledge of the area, and the person continues to assume you know less than they do.

Perhaps I should just allow the explaining, especially with strangers. But I would like to find a polite, non-hurtful solution, because (i) it's boring to have things explained to me that I already know, and (ii) it feels strangely invalidating, like the other person hasn't really absorbed who I am.

Thanks for any advice.

Answer 1

I don't know this scientist, but if I were saying things like that to you, it would be an expression of my respect for your intellect.

If someone who is very learned, such as this scientist appears to be, when any difficult or complex subject comes up, and it needs to be brought into a conversation with someone else, they tend to put the "someone else" into one of three possibilities:

1. This person is familiar with and competent in this subject.
2. This person is intelligent, and capable of understanding this subject, but is not (yet) familiar with it.
3. This person is not able to understand or learn this subject.

This scientist put you in category number 2, when you were in fact in category number 1. I took this to mean that he respects your intelligence, but doesn't know you well enough to know that you are already familiar with these topics. This is understandable, as neither of you specialize in economics, but both appear to have learned it outside your core vocation.

If he had put you in category number 3, and just "dropped" you from the conversation when the complex topics came up, THEN you would be right to be upset.

Your first scenario you handled absolutely perfectly. The second one would have been better with something like, "You've read him, too? I'd love to go over what your take on his work is over lunch, sometime." You shut him down, but respectfully, and even enthusiastically.

Do this often enough, and you'll find that you'll have an ally, and perhaps even a friend.

Oh, and apologize to him for the eye-roll. Tell him you get tired of "... the jocks Mansplaining to you," and just reacted out of habit before you remembered who you were talking with. Trust me: He'll understand.

Answer 2

I rolled my eyes and said "I know who Nassim Taleb is", before the conversation continued. My colleague perceived my eye-rolling as rude, and said so.

Imagine how much smoother things would have gone if instead of your eye-roll you had responded with "Oh, yes! I read that book. It was so interesting!" It doesn't matter if you and the other person are of opposite genders. An eye-roll is rude. Expressing interest and knowledge is exactly the opposite.

Your colleague's behavior might well have been that of a male being condescending to a lowly female. Or it might well have been that of a scientist being condescending to a lowly programmer.

On the other hand, it might have been from one intelligent and curious person (but perhaps socially inept person) to another who respects that other person's intelligence and curiosity but at the same time knows how unlikely it is that another person knows about that topic at hand because it is outside that other person's domain of expertise.

And that's a problem in the modern era. Even though the domains in which I have professional or amateur expertise have expanded greatly over the years, I know that there's a whole lot out there that I just don't know. My unknown unknowns? I am utterly clueless of that.

Ask yourself: How many programmers (male or female) do you know that have read (or even know of) The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable? Your colleague would have been better off asking if you knew what "black swans" were before lecturing you on Nassim Taleb, but that is an subtle social skill that takes some time for highly intelligent and curious people to acquire.

Answer 3

"Oh yes, they're awesome, there's one in the Science Museum in London..."

This was the perfect response. Demonstrate your familiarity with the subject matter by offering an interesting fact in reply.

"I usually ignore it, but get irritated internally."

Remind yourself that the person "teaching" you believes they are helping you. There is nothing to be irritated about. Anger is rarely helpful, especially in a professional environment.

Answer 4

Along with a few other gestures, "rolling of the eyes" is one of the most clear and aggressive signals of dismissal.

Imagine what it would be like to talk to someone, perhaps for the purpose of small-talk or developing rapport, and then getting an eye-roll as a response. Until they really get to know you, others have no idea what you've read or understand.

This is not about "black swans" or knowing obscure or not-so-obscure topics, this is basic manners. Basic manners dictates listening to people when they talk and giving a thoughtful response. If you like you can even respond with a witty/clever/humorous remark to indicate that you know the topic and in so doing, implicitly suggest a higher level of discussion. Rolling your eyes shuts down the discussion and probably many other future discussions.

Answer 5

Unless you dislike someone rolling the eyes is not a great response for the obvious reasons. As is showing off too much.

I have a very broad general knowledge and often hear about subjects that I know in depth. But I rarely say anything. There are number of reasons why just listening politely is a positive thing. You may even learn something new.

I don't even really speak up if I am convinced that they are wrong unless I'm asked for my opinion. Or I see some sort of gain for myself. Why start a battle I'm not passionate about.

That's just me though, your personality may differ. Here's a very short list of positive reasons to listen, mostly to do with people skills.

It doesn't antagonise people.

You get listened to when it's your turn.

It makes people feel good that you're paying them attention and treating their knowledge with respect.

The overriding one in my opinion is it helps you gauge a person. Viewpoints (even one's you perceive as wrong) allow you to better judge people which is always useful.

So I usually hear people out for those and other reasons.