I have communication problems, what to do?

Question

Today was the last day at my current job. I have been working with them for 9 months. As a data analyst I have to meet with other departments senior managers / directors.

Today I asked my manager to give me feedback about my time with them. He said many good things. I asked about the things that need improvement.

He told me that he got feedback from other dept. management that I have a communication problem; to be more specific I am abrupt.

I know that I am extremely nice with people, very polite and well behaved.

I think what happened is this:

• I have high pitched voice.
• When I get stressed (which happens when I am in meetings) I lose words and don't know what to say.
• Taking my technical role, my terms are technical and not clear.
• I am tall and don't have friendly face features.

How can I improve my communication? Is there things I can practice or do to improve my way of talking to become more acceptable?

Is this something you born with or something you learn?

Answer 1

To address each of your concerns in turn:

I have a high pitched voice.

I very much doubt this is a problem, but it's obviously something you are self-conscious about.

When I get stressed (which happens when I am in meetings) I lose words and don't know what to say.

The best thing you can do to combat this is to ensure that you go into meetings very well prepared. The more prepared you are, the less likely that you will get nervous about what you are going to say.

Taking my technical role, my terms are technical and not clear.

This is part of your meeting preparation. Find ways to describe what you are doing in a way that is appropriate to your audience. Unless they need to know the technical details, explain what your role does in terms of the outcomes for the people in the meeting.

I am tall and don't have friendly face features.

Again, I think this is more that you are worried about it than anyone else.

Remember, you got good feedback from your manager, so most of the things you are doing are right. It really sounds like your biggest issue is not really preparing as fully as you could for these meetings, and then you tend to withdraw and stumble. Take the time to do more preparation for those meetings, in particular, who else will be attending, and try to focus your discussions in terms and language that is appropriate for them.

Answer 2

Communications at work is not just how you speak, it's about explaining your plans before you start, asking for approval, sending timely progress updates and warning of problems before they become serious, and that sort of thing.

It's no problem if (for example) you stutter or have a strong accent and take longer than others to explain something. It is a problem if it embarrasses you so much that you don't tell me something that I need to know.

Of course, it's equally important not to overload people when they're receiving similar detail from 100 other people. If you were unaware that this other manager wanted more information, the failure to communicate was actually his mistake and not yours.

In future, all you can do is ask people whether you are providing enough detail.

Answer 3

From your question:

He told me that he got feedback from other dept. management that I have a communication problem; to be more specific I am abrupt.

It sounds like your direct manager didn't have any problem with your communication, but that other people did have this feedback. Don't waste any time discussing it further with your manager.

"Abrupt" to me sounds like improving your listening skills may help. Examples to consider:

• Do you tend to talk over other people, cutting them off before they are finished speaking?
• Is your tone when answering their questions harsh, coming across as if you are annoyed with them or their questions?
• If approached when working, do you stop what you are doing to acknowledge and focus on the speaker?

Answer 4

I do think you should continue seeking feedback. The feedback you've gotten thus far is not very detailed or actionable as is.

When I get stressed (which happens when I am in meetings) I lose words and don't know what to say.

My recommendation is to join a ToastMasters public speaking club.

http://toastmasters.org/

They're everywhere and they can all be very different. So my advice is not to join the first one you go to. Visit more than one.

Taking my technical role, my terms are technical and not clear.

Practice in front of friendly coworkers, friends, or family. They can give you some feedback.

If you can stand it, you could even video-record yourself during those practice sessions (obviously, only do this if you can stand it. If you hate your voice that much, you may not be able to).

I have high pitched voice.

If you really think this is really a problem for you (personally, I'm not so sure), you could hire a voice coach.

The worst-case scenario is that the voice coach teaches you how to sing properly.

I am tall and don't have friendly face features.

I really don't think that's it.

Some of the best comedians I've seen on HBO don't smile and don't have friendly face features.