How can I deal with team members messaging in group chat (possibly about me) during virtual meetings?

Question

Recently I am experiencing an awkward situation with my team. We are 10 people, divided in three micro areas. I have daily contact with my direct supervisor and one colleague and we work really well together.

Once per week we attend a general virtual meeting with the others. I notice that there are moments in the meeting when someone clearly looks at the phone and starts smiling and consequently all of them do it. I know some of them are mean: we have a general chat on WhatsApp where they make fun of the appearance and the skill of our HR, or some manager, etc. They act during our meeting in the same way they act when we have a meeting with these people.

So it is clear for me they are laughing at me, maybe because of my face or something I say, etc. I was the last person entering the group, BTW. How can I let them understand that it is not nice of them? Cause if they are really laughing behind my back, after my confrontation things are only going to get worse...but I can’t handle anymore. I feel really underestimated and humiliated.

Answer 1

Whether they are laughing at you or at something else - does not matter. What matters is to behave professionally in a professional / work environment.

Next time this happens, i.e., they start looking at their phone / start smiling / start a side-talk, ask them "Hello, is there something I'm missing? Once we are done with the discussion, you all can get back to your phones / discussion. Help me to get it over with quickly and we all can go back to whatever we were doing. Hope that is okay".

Well, based on the situation, you may want to alter the wordings a bit, but without letting them know that they are essentially wasting your time and that of the company's (by getting distracted from the discussion, thereby prolonging the meeting/ requiring re-work), there's no way you are going to make the situation better.

Don't make it personal - to reiterate, the topic of the discussion really does not matter, what matters is they are distracted during a meeting and wasting time (and money) - that is what is not acceptable and needs to be dealt with.

Aside, if they do it behind your back (as long as it does not involve your time), you have nothing to do with it, learn to ignore and move on.

Answer 2

I would suggest this is a very difficult situation, and not every such situation has a decisive and satisfactory solution.

Without knowing what is being said, and by whom, and in what context, it's very difficult to know whether it goes beyond the pale or not. People who are known clowns or showmen can often get away with far more than those who take themselves seriously.

Indeed, you concede that you don't even know if you are the butt of the joke, so that your complaint would amount to an objection that people are enjoying a joke in your presence, and possessing a strong concern that it could be about you.

If the vast majority are participating in mild ridicule amongst themselves then there is, as you recognise, the risk of being seen as fussy for challenging it, or even creating grievance.

It may also be performing a function in passing the time in unnecessary meetings or with unengaging hosts, so that the real lesson would be to have fewer of such meetings, or ensure they are hosted competently and at a brisk pace.

The best solution as a starting point would probably be to approach the colleague you get along with, and ask their opinion. Firstly you're more likely to get an accurate opinion of where they think the fault lays, secondly they may have information about exactly what is being laughed at, and thirdly they may be able to intervene on your behalf with people they are closer to in turn.

Answer 3

• Please first see a doctor to make sure you don't have a mild/undiscovered case of schizophrenia and misread cues.

• If not, remind them about being professional in meetings.